I had to start a new diary. A need for a cleaner feeling !
So today I excluded for 5 years from all accounts. I can not even write money and time lost, such is the need to feel clean again.
This is day 0
Diary I will visit you and that chat rooms as much as I can.
I want to recover. I have to recover. I do not wish for this monster that I use as a form of escape to be my comfort blanket.
It smells fricken awful like my past.
Financial control being handed over. After so many many years I need all the blocks.
I can not go to GA as I have anxiety and PTSD so leaving the house ...
Hi and welcome, I don't go to GA but find the help and support on this site, together with the blocks and accepting what I have done and really wanting to give up I've managed to date to clock up over 50 days gf. I have had some external counselling which was done remotely through face time etc., Could you ask your GP for some counselling sessions if you feel they would help? Keep posting on here your feelings, even if it is to rant, no one will judge you but will support you. Best wishes x
Thank you Anon. I have a therapist. Related to historical and legal stuff ongoing. I have been in chat for the last hour and my spirits have lifted.
Just poured a large vodka and going to reflect.
I like this new diary, it is clean so I hope not to be ranting too much as I must keep what is going on behind closed doors.
I hope that you are doing well and I will check and read if you have a diary.
Thank you and best wishes to you x
Day 1
Slept all day. Felt exhausted. Feel quite safe that accounts are excluded. Finances no longer under my control.
Have tried before and relapsed because I did not have sturdy enough blocks. Also this time I want to be free finally.
I have no doubt that the days and weeks ahead will be tough. My lifetime habbit will not go away so easy
Hiya just wanted to drop by and wish you all the best, you can do this for a happier life best wishes Lu x
Hi there,
Hope you're feeling better today & ready to fight those demons away.
Always remember how important you are. Put yourself first - you matter ☺
Stay strong & commited, your life is your oyster - make it comfortable place to be as you can definitely do it.
S x
Thank you so much for your support, it means so much x
Day 2 done and I left the house to go to the shop !
I want this, I really do
Hi,
A good move to give up financial control IMO. In the early days it helped me greatly and even now I still dont carry a lot of cash or any of my cards regularly. One day at a time.
Best wishes
o*g, you got out :-0 That is incredible work 🙂
Well done you, I hope you are proud of yourself 🙂 Did you manage to buy anything nice? I have some lovely tips for a single purchase if you ever manage to grab & go (via the till of course)!
I usually struggle with 2nd diaries because people don't get to see the struggles that have gone before but looks like this was a very wise decision on your behalf!
Never stop fighting, you can do this - ODAAT
Great to see you back posting and with a new found positivity long may it continue.
Like ODAAT I to am not a fan of swapping and changing diaries but for you I think it is for the best. I clean slate to begin to take control of your life back.
KTF
Day 3
I have been up and down all day but I had a mini disco on my own in the kitchen !
Dancing and singing yeap crazy but I have not listened to any noise, music or tv for such a very long time.
Thank you all for totally undersanding this clean sheet. I really value that you have taken the time to write on here on my journey, our journey.
I want this to work. I want to be free.
Ps Odaat it was the local co op. Had little clutcher when some guy was selling windows in inside the store. Maybe me dressed like I was in the antartic with hood up he thought maybe better not approach 🙂
Maybe he decided you wouldn't need windows in your igloo 😉
You go with your kitchen disco, I have them all the time 🙂 Have to remember not to dance too wildly in case I end up chucking shapes in the living room where every passing Tom can see me...Wouldn't want them thinking I needed an ambulance! Push through the dark times that's all you can do & be proud you even manage to turn the power switches on let alone go Footloose & fancy free once you get there!
You are doing it, good to have you back on board! Keep up that fighting spirit - ODAAT
You had a disco! Nice one IWSM. Keep going!
Day 4
Change ! Wow great to hear from you. You have been on my mind and I have been wondering how you are getting on.
Yes I was listening to my kind of love and next thing what a feeling and dancing 🙂
Odaat I know what you mean about people seeing... God knows what I must have looked like as i was
in Irene Carar mode hahaha
Hi, well done you, you are doing so well since your first post on your new diary. I dance around the kitchen all the time and sing like there is no tomorrow, cracked a few windows but who cares I'm gf and can now afford to replace them. Stay strong and positive x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
