Reflections everyday

Don't want to sound harsh Mamalis but you aren't helping yourself by punishing yourself for not gambling.

What's happened has happened, you can't change it. You have to accept it and use it to abstain a become a better person. If your thinking of excuses you can use for gambling, that's not helping. You are actually spending your time thinking about how you can gamble and justify it. Enjoy your abstinence and realise how lucky you are that you've found it instead of hurting people. Beating yourself up won't help you. Yes you've done wrong but it's all past tense, it's what happens in the future that will determine how people feel about you and how you will be judged. Quit now and you start again. There are more excuses not to gamble. Good Luck

Hi Mamalis

​Self analysis in my experience is quite dangerous in early recovery. Absolutely your life and your reactions to it need to be dealt with in time if life is to be improved. When it comes to dealing with emotions and interpreting our response to them I have found that as an addict I don't do this to well on my own!!! Just for now breath. Be proactive in putting barriers up that make it impossible to gamble. Get some abstinence behind you to allow your mind to calm down. There will be plenty of time to tackle the things that have caused the pain that drove your addiction, but for now patience.

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Thank you both for your replies. I am very inward and analytical at the moment. I'm not sure how I approach abstinence without spilling my everything on here. My husband is not sure about coming home. There is an awful lot of additional stuff playing out in my family life, so much so that my eldest son, said this family is falling apart. This hurt, I have always been the main breadwinner, always been the care giver. I have held us together for years, my husband rarely works my son takes drugs, I pick up the pieces. I have made mistakes and I knew what I was doing and I did it because at first I enjoyed it. No-one pushed me to it. It's only later that I looked for excuses to justify blowing the rent money! Easier for me to blame someone, anyone, because I was a saint right? Working hard looking after my family. NO. It's difficult not to look inward and blame yourself when my husband doesn't want to be around me, because of what I do.(did) I get that, I am guilty as charged. I have some idea of the pain I caused others as I deal with my drug addict son, who hurts us daily. I understand he wants it more than he wants life. He cannot see my fears for him. And he P****s all over me when he sniffs that stuff up his nose. Despite everything he promises he will not care who he hurts in his mission to get his satisfaction That's me. That's what I do. Except my drug is Slots online. I do know that to a degree I have the same urges and the financial ruin is pretty much the same. his drug abuse as broke my heart. My gambling addiction as broken my families heart. It's hard not to reflect on this. I have stopped. I intend to stay stopped. I have had enough of over analysing and trying to clear my thoughts, and talking like this here. This long winded mish mash of words. I am going to stop. Breath. And just be.

As you said.

Bad day today but I have not gambled. Started off inward thinking, emotional and tearful. Each bit of advice I get from here does sound harsh at first and I wonder if people really 'get' me. But I read more posts and so much resonates with me, that I gradually I learn to 'get' them and I see there is no difference. I keep checking my emails for promotions etc. I had to put some money in the bank to cover D/D today and I had the itchy thoughts that were begging to be scratched. I haven't. I understand the damage, reading people's stories have helped me see that I don't have to be an addict I have control. Easy does it. I almost got to the end of day 4. I'm about to put my sleep app on and drift off. Early start tomorrow.

It feels like a mini victory. Day 5 No if's or but's, no time line, no set number of days to aim for. Just one day at a time. Forever. Feeling positive for the first time this week. The urge comes, but I deny it headroom and pick up a book or come on here. I distract myself basically. Will be hard not doing the lotto tonight, always considered that innocent, but now on hindsight I just know I will fixate on that. Best to leave well alone. Will be back before sleeping to update the final part of my day.

Thanks GT. will look into the unsubscribe links, and thanks for the encouragement. Can't believe how important it's become, but it is and it's very much appreciated.

Mamalis,

you should be proud of yourself for abstaining for 5 days, proud of yourself for looking after your family and especially your son. Sounds to me like you've been dealing with everyone else's problems you forgot about your own. I'm not showing you sympathy though, as compulsive gamblers that's what we look for, anything to justify a spin or a bet. What is important is making sure that you are balanced. You can't help someone else if you can't help yourself.

You are a good mum and wife but you've made mistakes. You are now going to put them right though. You will not gamble, you won't give your son money and you will do the best thing for you and your family at all times. Everything else will take care of itself. Congratulations and good luck

Bit late, middle of the night actually!!! Yesterday was my first ok day for 5 days. Yesterday I felt some positivity and self belief. I still feel that!! 🙂 beginning day 6 by going back to sleep.

day 7. Holding on. Had counselling today. I think I'm all talked out, feel wiped out. But I am glad for another day Gamble free.

Day 8

Just the start of the day. Went through the ringer yesterday. Didn't expect it, but it's no joy ride, so big reality check. Am positive this morning got a lot to do on my day off, so will post more to my diary when I have some time later. Happy as a pig in s@&t to get today 8 gamble free. Onwards.

Day 10! Still going strong x

Day 11. Phone is going tomorrow, no more access to Internet on the go and not on laptop due to betfilter. So, 11 days of avoidance. Now using some other tools. Handing over financial control as well. It's going to be hard, but not as hard when I have to confess. Not as bad as money lost. Day 11, good day to give abstinence a chance