Rock bottom

Hi Mask,

I have long term unsecured debt that will take years and years to pay off, because I am on a payment plan and paying the minimum amount every month, the interest is frozen, so I know my debt won't go up, and I have stopped worrying about this like I was before, even if I came into money (I wished lol) I would not put my long term debts as a priority to pay off, life is for living my friend, pay what you can comfortably afford, and start living, we have been punished enough.

Just a thought .

Suzanne xxx

Again, thanks for all your thoughts and advice. I take every single piece of advice and apply it.

Day 14? So, pay day. And its all still there. Pathetically, I usually wait up til the early hours of the morning so I can gamble it as quickly as I can. Bizzarely, all I can think about this time, is putting some into my savings, some into a holiday fund, spending some on myself, and paying off some of the debt. No urges so far, but I'd be an idiot if I didn't think they would arrive sooner or later. I don't know, this time feels different. I've said that before, but I honestly feel that having wasted a decade, it's time to move on and enjoy the rest of my life. I deserve it. I'm away for an overdue haircut! Have a good day everyone.

well done mate keep at it, it does get easier with time

Day 15.

Still going strong. I can't believe ive actually treated myself to some things, ate sensibly. Pay day usually kills me, but not this time, I have money there and this month will not be a struggle like previous months.

I'm feeling good. I'm getting ready to start living!

Hope all still good

Disgusted at myself. Back at square one.....

Hi superfluousman, I have locked myself away from society and this forum for a few weeks now, I can only apologise. I am heartbroken at slipping back into my inevitable bad habits. I can't get to work this month because I have no money. I fear for my job and my sanity. Lies are rearing their old head again, accumulating in a mass pile of shame and guilt. I thank you for your continued support, I will return in a few days once I've hopefully got my head straight.. This has really knocked me for six. I am absolutely disgusted with myself.

Here's a little update. I went on a two week rollercoaster of winning/losing/winning/losing/losing/losing/winning/losing/losing. I have zero money to live on. What a ridiculous position to put myself in. So, I get paid for my second job only last night, thinking it would give me some breathing room and fund my up coming work week. Nope, blew the lot in under 10 minutes.

I genuinely don't know if I can beat this, I always end back in this same familiar S****y situation. Heartbreaking.

Don't give up! You've done it before and you can do it again!! So you had a set back, don't let it define where you go from here in a negative way. You have done it and can do it! We all slip. Thanks for posting on my diary, I was just getting an urge and then reminded myself I have put k9 in place and that alone set off alarm bells, we can't gamble our way out! I'm in more debt but try not to think about the whole lot just worked it out how long it will take me to pay it off realistically and that is my focus, little by little. Money is money and we can deal it by being good next month. I know it seems like forever till next pay day but it will come.

Think how much you've already suffered and you are still here, you are strong. Don't give in!

I had a thought with my urge - what if I did give in - would I be honest on here and post. Well I'm going to make a promise right now that if I do slip I will write it on here for all to see because the support and honesty to my self is invaluable.

I know how you feel about not wanting your family to know as I'm in the same boat which makes being on here even more important and if you were to have succeed weeks ago there is nothing they wouldn't have done to help - remember that when feeling low.

keep posting! We're all in here together 🙂 take care

Hi mask,

Try not to beat yourself up, this is a horrible addiction to arrest, don't give up on giving up, you can do this, remember small steps and take one day at a time,

Sending you strong and focused thoughts,

Take care of you and stay safe.

Suzanne xxx

Hey mask

So if you haven't seen, i failed on pay day! Not sure how I'm going to get through the month but have put more blocks in place and come clean with the OH. Hoping this time I'll be able to last more than 2 1/2 days!!

Not giving up on giving up! Hope you're well and being kind to yourself

Hello to you both. So today was pay day and I blew 300. Why why why why do I do this to myself!!! Its driving me insane. The lies are escalating, if I can just not gamble ever again things will be fine, but I keep going back to it! Totally illogical.

I'm sorry to hear about your slip Red, but I think coming clean will be a burden off your shoulders somewhat. I remember the time I came completely clean, I broke down in tears. I was a broken man, I have never cried like that in my life.

Unfortunately, that pain has subsided, and I don't really feel much emotionally anymore. I'm annoyed I gambled today, but it's not eating me up inside. I've almost accepted that I can't stop, which is a horrible thing to say.

I will start again tomorrow. On the bright side, having blown 300, I can still comfortably make it though the month. The credit card debt is absolutely killing me...130/month interest which I have to pay off "in secret". I believe that's the main reason I continue to gamble, to try and wipe that out and have nothing to cover up. But every month in chasing this big win I fail, and find myself putting things off for yet another month.

Superfluous. You're right, a relapse was on the cards, my mindstate was wrong. I don't know how to stop losing so much money, is it time to swallow my proud and go into every bookie within driving distance and self exclude?

That was a bit of a ramble, my head hurts and I'm going to have an early night.

The debt is the same reason I continued to gamble. But we've got to let it go. Maybe it's good you feel emotionless - use that against those urges and then put the blocks in place and then you physically won't be able to place a bet. You can make it through the month comfortably now so just go with that.

Don't give up on giving up. The last few days have been a real struggle for me but we can beat this and eventually start to feel good again 🙂

Well, blew another bunch of money. I just don't know what to do right now. I'm not usually one to detail my losses. But having a max bet on zero, and 32 to come up five times in a row is nothing short of incredible and just highlights how no one can ever win.

Anyway, day 1. I never want to gamble again, it can't be beaten by anyone, let alone an addict.

Another month to struggle through...I've booked a doctor appointment to try and get something for depression.

Keep going mask, never give up on giving up.

Walking along side with you

Suzanne xxx

We're both starting again but with the knowledge of what our urges, thought processes and weeknesses are - all positives 🙂 I've also been on medication before and have just started again, it really does help.

Stay positive