Rock bottom

Mask, if you don't mind me asking, when is your pay day? I find from looking through the recovery diaries that this day is the worst for most of us. Mine is the 29th this month (It's always the last working day of the month). If you need extra support on that day then let me know.

I honestly think that as harsh as it sounds, we have both had no money to spend since we gave up, this next pay day is our REAL test.

Thanks guys, for making me see sense. Saying that, the urges are quite intense right now. I'm resisting as best I can.

My pay day is the same as yours, last working day of the month. It can't come quickly enough. Never again do I want to scrape together enough pennies for something to eat whilst I force note after note into a machine. The main fear is that with pay day, comes relief, and this has always led me back to gambling. I will stay strong, because I am powerless once I start.

17 days, and the best I've ever felt during recovery. I have no intention to bet. Usually, if I'm being truthful, I await payday just to get a buzz from a bet. This time I will take great pleasure in using my money wisely. I will also treat myself to a few things. Living in poverty is no longer an option.

I fear a lot of my posts in other people's diaries are misinterpreted. I'm not the best at putting across my point of view so I may reduce the amount of posts in other diaries and focus more on my own. I will still reach out to those who have reached out to me and try and give them my support.

As for money this month, I sold a pair of shoes on eBay. Managed to get 15 quid for them, so that will see me through the month.

Another thing I've noticed is a lot of people on here seem to have taken up hobbies to replace the gambling void. All I do is talk about the gambling side..Pretty boring when you think about it!

I'm going to start playing five a side's once a week, also plan to start a fitness regime to try and build some muscle and confidence. I'll also get back in to web design and digitial design in general, as I used to love that and be quite successful with it. I'm looking forward to reclaiming my life. Gambling can, quite frankly, go f**k itself.

Hi Mask. At the end of the day you must focus on your own recovery and wellbeing. If talking about gambling or any subject helps you then it's diary. I haven't really focused on a hobby yet, been treating family to meals out but obviously won't be able to do so all the time but helps me in my recovery as feels good to make others happy. Take care Mary

18 days, delighted with this progress. No thoughts about gambling at all today, enjoyed a cheap day out in the sun. Pay day is soon, and I will breathe a huge sigh of relief once it arrives. I must ensure I don't waste a single penny of it. Wasting a penny is just as destructive as wasting a grand, money isn't the concern, I must focus on breaking my addiction.

I feel a lot calmer, despite the debt still lurking at the back of my mind. At least now I feel I've accepted it and have no desire to add to it. It will reduce, gradually, and I will break free from this burden that has haunted me for a decade. It's time.

Mask.

Fella I have really enjoyed reading your thread this morning, you are making great efforts to change the cycle that has waged such destruction upon your life.

I agree that looking after ourselves once we find recovery is key to continued abstinence, it is in truth the one selfish act that will have a profoundly positive effect on not just ourselves but many other folk to boot.

Abstinence offers the opportunity for change to be brought to our lives, this I believe is something we have to learn can't be achieved in a day, I like many other compulsive gambler's have spent a great deal of my life wanting everything yesterday!

I go gung ho at things and through recovery I am learning the art of patience.

Keep walking in the right direction fella, life in recovery will improve, live it,enjoy it.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

19 days free. Approaching three weeks is great progress which I'm proud of. Pay day in under a week cant come quickly enough, I'm literally living off pennies.

All in all, feeling positive and staying strong. Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

3 weeks. I'm holding strong, but now going through the phase of "what an idiot I've been". Pay day on Friday and I hope to God that I don't buckle under the relief of finally having money to spend. The blocks are in place, but I feel my mind now trying to justify a bet. I simply can't give in, I will never put myself in poverty again.

21 days, the days are beginning to escalate and the numbers are now significant.

Yea but that's in the past now, you are doing great now,

OAU my friend because recovery is the sure way forwards to a saner, calmer, and much happier life.

Suzanne xxx

Hey Mask, sorry I've not been in touch yet, please let us know how you're doing today. Stay strong and resist the urge to spend your wages.

Apologies for my lack of posts. Well, pay day has come and gone. I haven't gambled but the urges have been insane. I actually have money and it terrifies me. Some money has been paid off my credit card, but I still feel sick thinking of that debt. I will provide a fuller update soon, it's nearly 3am and I'm shattered.

The bad thing is, I actually wanted to gamble. The good news is I didn't.

Great work on 4 weeks Mask 🙂

Wanting to gamble will be with you for some time...Not giving into the lies that the addiction is spouting is what will make you stronger - ODAAT

Great news!

I admit I did fear the worst when you hadn't commented, knowing that you got paid the same day I did.

But you didn't gamble and thats fantastic news, you've had access to money for 6 days and haven't gambled! You're doing amazingly. Congratulations, carry on doing what you're doing.

Hi Mask... I know I've been away for a while and I apologise for that but it's good to see you are moving forward. I hope you are well.

The post I have dreaded....I gambled. And gambled heavily. No way out this time, absolutely ruined. I said in my opening post that another setback would kill me, and I am absolutely broken. I'd like to thank every single one of you for your patience and support. I thought I at least owed it to this site to give a farewell message. I wish every one of you a happy gamble free life.

All the best.