Here goes the latest attempt to stop gambling or should I say playing roulette, I probably won't update everyday but that's because I am rubbish at writing things down. So let's start by why I ve decided to start the diary,yesterday I nearly lost all of my salary to the fobt £2400(includes xmas bonus) on the day it arrived in my account.
After playing for around three hours and losing £500, a guy came and started playing on the terminal next to me before you know it he had put £3000 which was crazy when you think the jackpot £500 a spin,when he left it made me think right this machine will definitely pay out, won't it? but after another £1700 and another 4 hours in the bookies,shaking my head in disbelief after every losing spin and crowd of locals telling me how it's got to pay soon, I found myself thinking about Christmas without money,friends or family because if I lost all that amount my wife/kids/family would have finished with me. I managed to get half the money back in the end after being in the bookies till 8pm, how sad is that? Like I ve seen on her many times “we can't win because we can't stop", and with me that is definitely to true. Anyway enough is enough today I ve phoned in sick, which I am mentally if not physically, and I am going into town armed with 10 passport photos ready to self exclude from ever f..cking bookies there is, and really try to make this attempt at stoping the last attempt.
First thing, well done on finding here.
The fact you've stopped with some money left shows good will power, no point in chasing the money.
I'd probably have had the day off too if I was you, just don't use it to gamble. Leave the money/cards at home when you go self excluding 🙂
Self Excluding in the bookies is something I've never done as my problem is mainly online but it takes some guts to go into the shops to say you have a problem and no longer want to be served, so massive respect for that.
Cheers tearsofaclown just sat in hairdressers with a load of weight lifted off my shoulders, I can actually go into town without strolling into a bookies. having self excluded from at least 8 bookies nearly in tears when telling them I want self exclude, the operators make it quite a hard process but to be fair the shop staff were great about it. Anyway onwards and upwards, day 1
Hi Mark,
You're absolutely doing the right thing. The chase is the most destructive thing of all. For the last year or so I have been dreaming of a big win hitting something along the lines of 1500 or so, for me that's big. What happens? i win that amount then lose it all again in the space of 40 mins by putting on £300 bets. I then started to chase what I lost and am now in a terrible state.
But in a way now that I'm gamble free, it was the best thing to happen to me, what's the point in playing if you can never walk away. Since i've stopped I've felt brilliant and in control of my money and life. Wishing you all the best mate.
G
Hi Gav,
Thanks for the advice, I ve always been a big gambler but the last couple of years like you said even if you win big £1000-£1500 it just is nt enough.
Glad you ve managed to stop, it helps to read posts of people who can beat this.
Day 2 done, really hard even though I self excluded myself from all the bookies in a 20 mile radius yesterday, I have to drive 109 miles to work and back through a different county so the urge was there. I nearly took the slip road twice to go and gamble in the bookies that I know I m not excluded from.Its very worrying and sad that this is only two days since I promised enough is enough. Evil just evil.
You sound just like me pal,I suppose we're all the same,that's why we're here,the crazy thing is I won two 500 jackpots the other day and it didn't make me happy,not like you would think anyway,I think deep down I knew I was only looking after it for the bookie for a few days,just staring at the machine like a zombie,I don't even enjoy it anymore,it's just I can't seem to break the habit,but I'm gonna give it a real go,I have to.Keep up the good work mate!
Good on you for turning back both times 🙂 I hope somewhere under all the guilt & self loathing you felt a little bit of pride in yourself!?!
I had a similar experience on an escalator (sorry to anyone who has heard it before) up to the car park, down to the shop, over & over, talking to myself, go & do it, you might win this time, don't do it, why would this time be different until eventually I found the voice that said "Just for today, I choose No!" & I marched right on up got into my car & drove home smiling my head off - I knew in that moment, I could win!
For me the first few days actually in recovery were the worse! I'd been excluding myself for weeks before that, driving to new towns (because they wont do a blanket ban) & going into different ones to get my fix. Once I started my diary & actually wrote down the number, it was real & although initially I planned to 'treat' myself I couldn't decide how much I would need. If I take £100, I will lose it & I will need to get more out to win it back but I will only have my credit card (because I'd given my partner my bank card) so that's only £300 more I could take out so really I'd need my bank card because if I put £400 in, the machine will have to pay out but I would need a way of getting that extra money out so that I could get it to pay - & actually when you hear yourself making plans to lose thousands of pounds whilst going online to make sure you shop where the goods were cheapest in case you have to pay 5p more, rather than acting them out, it's pretty scary. Now I'm just scared to go back to 1!
Some people don't make Day 2 the 1st time they try & Day 3 is just round the corner for you 🙂 The urges will strike but I promise you, fighting them is soooo worth it! What you have done hurts but you will start to feel stronger each day. The urges will get easier & easier to beat but more importantly you will have more time & more energy & you will win each day by spending time with your family.
Keep up the good work, if I can do it (& I am) anyone can - ODAAT
All the above sounds so familiar,it's great to know that I'm not alone in this and as you are just starting out like me I shall keep an eye out for your progress.
Cheers, blue and odaat for both your comments hope with the kind comments and help from people on here I can get through this.
Rock bottom today lost everything!!!! but no point moaning its me that's gambled not anyone else sorry for letting other people down. Day 1 starts tomorrow.
Better luck this time, and keep your head up. Life is beautiful!
You haven't let me down because you are here & trying again! I think that is all any of us want when someone slips...Stay with us - ODAAT
Thanks odaat,Woke up this morning wishing yesterday was just a dream, but reality just hit me with a massive sledge hammer no money for xmas and the horrible thought that I was thinking of doing something very stupid,But I did nt and I ve still got my wife and child which I can hopefully keep hold of if I can stop this pathetic habbit.
Its easy to beat yourself up over gambling illness it really is
Are you getting any help Mark?
tri
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