SadG wants to be happyG

Hi M8

Dont be too hard on yourself just learn from your mistakes and you be ok first thing to do is put a block on your pc for gambling site then self excluded yourself form casinos or bookies if you visit them

Make it as hard as possible for yourself to gamble I have been throught it all m8 27 years gambling throwing all my money and releoshonships away but at the moment I am 68 days free

The first two weeks are the hardess in my option come on here every time you get an urge and put all of the bookies email address into your spam folder as they are s***s for issuing free bonus I get them still as well but have come to realize you dont get nothing for nothing with gambling

Anyway m8 I hope you have a gamble free weekend and feel free to drop me a line if you need some support

Take care and have a gamble free weekend and remember just for today I will not gamble

Cheers

Hugh

HI Sadg,

Welcome to the forum you are in the right place for help support and advice.

Im sure today you feel like utter cr** and very weak thats when this addiction is at its most powerfull it will continue to beat you up for as long as you let it.

The feelings of self hate, shame, guilt all those negative feelings is what this addiction thrives on, the simple fact is you can stop gambling but you have to grab this addiction by the short and curlies and fight back.

Dont be to hard on yourself your human and sometimes we get it wrong but its not a mistake only another life lesson if you learnt something from it, and what did you learn ?

Not 1 pound mate can you stake on gambling because before you know it your back in the black hole, stay away from that first bet and try and think about how your feeling now and what will happen if you place that £1.

Use it to your advantage today you know more about this addiction than you did yesterday.

Pick yourself up, learn something from it and step onwards.

You can do this , Just for today I will not gamble

take care

Blondie

I can only dream of being 68 days free right now. Couldn't even get past day 1. Good for you for getting that far. keep going. i really wish you well.

It is soul destroying being a gambler. This secret I keep from my family. The loneliness of being an online addicted gambler.

Need to banish these demons once and for all. 27 years gambling for me too Hugh. Lets beat this mate. Thanks for your post.

I too, feel that despair and utter worthlessness today as I blew my wages AGAIN yesterday. The worrying thing is we know this s**t feeling but continue to do it. All the advice one day at a time etc is fine, but we really need to fight this every minute of every day as it will undoubtadly lead us to an early grave, through stress or something far more sinister

Take Care

Blues

Well I've made it to day 4 without actually blowing any of my money on my sad addiction. The urges are stronger tonight as my wife has gone to her evening class so i'm on my own in the house. Thought I'd rather come on here and get some things off my chest and just read a bit for support than logging online to blow my wages.

I have transferred all our money into a savings account that only has a cash card. It cannot be used online so I'm hoping this is going to be a massive step for me. It will mean some inconvieniences. Realise that anytime I need to pay for something online i'm going to have to go the bank, draw out the cash(just enough for whatever i'm buying) and put it into the current account but if that's how it's got to be in order to stop gambling then that's how its got to be.

I'd like to say I had the courage to tell my wife the whole story today but I just couldn't. I'm not ready to tell her about the loans I've taken out and just how deep my debt is. I earn just enough to pay the loans off and for us to live ok. If I gamble anymore or blow the small amount of savings we have then I know it moves my addiction to a whole new level. I already feel in a despearte situation but it is still just manageable. I am standing on the edge of the cliff teetering. I must stop now for the sake of my wife and children. I did manage to tell my wife that I've been having massive urges to gamble lately and that is why I've moved our money. Yup still lying to the amazing woman. Feel so ashamed. She praised me for moving our money to another account. We've agreed that she's going to give me a weekly allowance and she's going to keep hold of the bank cards. I love this idea. Needed this to happen years ago. I know I've done the right thing but I still hate not being able to tell my wife the whole truth. I'm stuck in a world of debt that is going to take years to get out of. I just hope in time as I cure this sick addiction I'll be able to show my wife this diary and she'll be able to understand why at this time I can't tell her the truth. It is so hard for me to admit that I am a weak minded failure when in all other aspects of life I'm not. It is just gambling that gets me every time. That 'red mist' that descends over me, that makes me chase my losses with anger and no self control. That makes me lose all rational thinking. It is only gambling that gets me like that. The non-gambling addict will never understand the compulsion to want to place a bet. I don't want to be in that club anymore. i don't want to be an addict. I'll quite happily be a recovering or ex gambling addict.

I'm 40 years old and gambling has deprived me of some amazing things. Holidays, birthdays, a nicer house, more friends, better social life, nicer car, nicer clothes, happier wife and children. The list goes on. I don't want to be writing the same thing when i'm 50. I value my marriage and family too much.

So i hope this is goodbye to the sick addiction. I hope I don't slip in my challenge to find some kind of inner happiness where gambling has no place. i need to be strong. Day 4 is coming to an end. It may not be much but 4 days without a bet actually feels good. Tomorrow I go off to work. I work away during the week and that is when things get really tough as the boredom after work kicks in when i'm on my own waiting to the end of the week when I can see my wife and kids again. So hard being away from them but i will come on here and say my bit and read the forum and diaries for support. If it stops me gambling then that would be amazing.

Good luck everyone whatever day you're on. Any day without a bet can only be a good day in my new world.

i wish you all well.

Day 5 and no gambling. No urges today either but there's no money in the account so nothing to worry about. I know the next 2 weeks should be reasonably ok as I don't get paid till the end of the month. That will be when the urges really kick in. I'll have to get the money transferred out of my account asap before i can entertain the idea of a gamble.

My wife took control of our bank cards today. I'm heading back to London for 5 days work with just £55 in my pocket. Filled the car up yesterday with my wife there so don't need petrol. We paid in cash. Now I have my £55 to last all week but it should be fine. I'll watch some films and pass the time away somehow.

This all sounds childish having pocket money at 40 years old but I'm so in favour of it if it means no gambling. If I have any money left at the end of the week then I'll try with less money next week. I really am at my best when I've got no money. I'm hopeless when I've got it. It burns a hole in my pocket badly. When I have none I'm a much happier person. I concentrate on cleaning my flat, reading a book, watching a film, going to the gym etc. I find the better things in life to focus on. When i have money I want to gamble which just leads to misery. Gambling makes me lose all my focus. The number of times I've woken up and started playing online Blackjack within 20 minutes of being up. Hours later i've not eaten anything, not drunk even a cup of tea and it's time to get ready for work. I've wasted a whole day of my life and done my brains too. Then I have to spend a night at work going over how stupid i've just been blowing another shed load of money. Playing it over in my head over and over. The next day brings guilt and lies as I have to pretend to my wife(whilst I'm working away) that everything is fine.

Good luck everyone.

Hi mate sorry to hear u have this horrible illness like me too.jst reading your page reminds me about myself.i have a lovely fiancee and wee girl who will be 2 next year and I have a wedding next year aswel tho if I kept up doing what I was I would lose the both of them.:-( that would destroy me,so this is the end of my 4th day betfree and hope to continue for aslong as I can. Take care mate take it a day at a time like me. All the best in your recovery

Scottyboy

Hi Sad

Well done M8 I am 41 and honeslty your story could be mine. I would say I have easily lost a a half million and that no s******g £2000 a month for 27 years. I also have kids but lost my wife becuase of gambling but still get to see my boys which is cool so I decided to stop before I ost them too

You have done the right thing M8 coming on here I know the debt is cripping but stay strong and try to forget about your loses and what you could have had them dark thoughts lead us back to you know where

I set myself mini goals which hepled a lot during the first month for instance if I last a week I took the boys out for a nice meal at two weeks I bought myself that dvd I always wanted but never wanted to waste the money on it when I gambled

I know small tokens but a small reward can give you the detrimination to make it for another week then the weeks befome months

If you do get an urge go for a walk, phone your family anything but dont gamble the urges become less and less hard to resist as the weeks go by I still recomend you put gambling block software on the computer that help a lot

Anyway if you need a chat feel free to drop a line on my thread anytime and ask Flagg if you join his thread it make you post in every Monday saying you still gamble free and only last to the end of the year but all these small steps we take end up making us travel huge distances

Take care and stay strong and for today I will not gamble

Hugh

Just read your diary sad,-i can feel your pain,but you`ve turned a corner my friend,its all up from now on.

Im approaching 40 next month,ive gambled and lied all my life,-there is nothing worse than the feeling you get when waking up the next morning after blowing your dough the previous nite,the gut wrenching anxiety and constant worry of where to obtain money from.robbing peter to pay paul,the stress,why do we put ourselves through it?

I did amazingly make the 6 month gamble free mark last year,only to get complacent,and have never been able to quit since,-that 6 months was mainly possible because i had the barriers up,no access to bank cards etc,i wish i would of kept those blocks in place,its a small price to pay.

Keep posting,you can beat this addiction.

Hi sadg, see your post.... how many times have we sucombe to this weakness. In every other area of yours and my life we are strong, we have to somehow take those lessons of strength across to our gambling habits ! this is my first day of a new start like you ! lets kick this in the teeth and keep our money away from those thieving betting companies that prey on the weak and addicted ! Devils Work mate ! we can beat it.....

Just wrote a thread talking about my day and when I hit send it didn't go on. That's annoying.

Not as annoying as doing my brains again on some evil online casino site though so I guess I must take a deep breath and just write my post again.

I was explaining that this morning I woke up and the first thing I thought about was the urge to have a punt. The second thing I thought about was coming on this site to see how everyone was. After reading a few threads I can honestly say that Dark Place, Hugh, JasonTT and The Bear took my urges away. thank you. I owe you a virtual favour. You're posts are helping. You're recovery diaries will help in the future so please don't give up on them. You have already helped me today. I hope I can return the favour regularly.

I was also saying that my addiction has become so bad recently that I had taken to playing casinos on my phone. What the hell is that all about? I recently lost £1500 on a 20 minute break at work chasing my losses. Imagine how that shift turned out. I also lost £900 playing whilst having a drink in the pub with friends. I had the phone held right up to my chest so no-one else could see what I was doing. THAT my friends is the extent to my addiction but it was also the light moment I needed. I had got that sick with my addiction. Today I find myself on a new path. It's a rocky path clearly full of obstacles and pitfalls, barriers to go round or over, whichever way I choose, or even just straight through them but this is definately the new path for me. At the end of it I don't expect to find a pot of gold. I know that the path is never ending till the day I die but it has to be a better path than the one I was on. That one just isn't for me anymore. Too much misery and heartache on that one. It was a path that changed my personality. That made me a monster. A path that had a red mist that would descend over me and alter my character. Most of all it was a lonely path. A very lonely path that just led to a pit of hell. Where people laughed at me, mocked me and taunted me. I am of reasonable intelligence and even I have realised that it was time to step off that path and take a detour. I'm 40 years old. Skint, full of debt, regret, remorse, racked with guilt but maybe wiser. With the people of this site I have a new found wisdom. I am not alone on THIS path. Walk with me please. I need your advice, friendship, humour and calmness to a better place.

Just thought I'd share this with you. This morning a casino company sent me one of those discs in the post. The ones where you run the disc and install their software. Nice offer of a bonus too. They even gave me VIP status. That's nice of them. It went in the bin as they always do. Never liked them. But ohhh the irony that the week after I give up gambling and self-exclude from all my sites this drops on the doormat. haven't had one come through the post in years. Sickos!!! I did allow myself a slight chuckle at it though.

There are so many people in the same situation as me. Day 6 has been a day for some reflection. Day 6 has been a welcome day. It was needed. What day 7 brings who know's. Not gambling that's for sure. I just look forward to day 20, 40, 100, 300 and so on. I wish you all well. There will be no gambling today. Thank you my new found friends. You have already helped in ways you maybe didn't imagine. have a great day.

G

Great stuff g you give me strength also, we are amazing people that will not let this destroy us I like you am 40 and full of debt but without gambling I know I'm a nice person as you are, we can help each other day by day on here I will not abandon anymore, time to be me not gambler loser pathetic excuse for a human being time for strength and helping others as well as myself along the way I look forward to your day 7 tomorrow I will be waiting to see it stay strong pal b.

Yay Day 7. Made the week but it's no biggie. Just need to keep on going. Payday next week will be much harder than making it to a week without gambling but having read TheBears thread today I will draw strength that payday is just an obstacle to walk through and not be hindered by. I will make plans to keep myself busy and it'll be all good.

So day 7 and no gambling. Gotta go to work early tonight and have a couple of things to watch on tv that I recorded in last couple of days. Haven't watched a good program or film in ages as normally I would have got up and logged on to the online casino. Not today!!

There will be no gambling today. Have a good one everybody and thank you.

G

Hello sadg

Well done for day 7 mate, today is day 10 for me, keep up with the diary as I find reading others helps us all, we've got to take one day at a time and if it weren't for this site then god knows where we all would be!!

I also find that tellin yourself regulary on a daily basis that just for today I will not gamble does actually help, we are all decent people deep down that got side tracked in life, were on the right path now,

All the best and I wish you all the best of luck in our recoveries

Simmo