Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Thanks lad actually slept well last night surprisingly ,but with a lot of dreams , I've analysed my relapse and like u said it could have been worse but I still gambled and 300 quid is not an amount I could afford to lose , I can't afford to lose anything ! Thursday is a big day I'll finally get k9 up and running . Drink is the key no drink no gambling , so give up drink , dam I've tried , k9 should finally provide the last block I need , I don't know the number of my new card my old card is gone . I still feel I need to let more people know but I don't know if this will really help me ? Coming on here is great I want to thank everyone on this site , we all share the same addiction but we all want the same thing , to be free from at it ! I don't want to look back on my life when I'm older with regret and anguish I wAnt to say I've beaten this **** and have given my kids the best chance with life ! I remember when I was 18 or so playing on a poker machine in a bar , when a man in his 70's or 80's told me he lost his wife his kids his house to gambling and I just thought that's not going to happen me ! But I'm heading down that path it's becoming a reality ! I cannot win as I cannot stop ! Have a good folks ! My wee mans is at his first day of pre school today and we're going to feed the ducks after ! Gambling can go f @@@ itself and today I will not gamble

I've just been reading your diary Gav, I feel your pain. Drink and gambling is my weakness as well and like you my wife works nights and that's when I usually sit down and gamble. Thing for me is it's football and racing I gamble on, i lost 200 on Sat night on football bets which ruined my weekend and up till then was having a good one. My wife knows I gamble so I now tell her when I relapse as it helps me with the guilty feelings I have. I'm putting k9 on my iPad/iphone and my wife can put the code in, this should help when I've had a few beers and the voices start! My last bet was Sat and it was hopefully my last.

All the best dude

Hi Lenny well done on getting the k9 installed it will make a huge difference to us both, Drinking and gambling is a lethal combo , it's been with me most of my adult life ! All the best mate and keep posting

Hi Gav

Hope your little one enjoyed his day and well done for standing strong

Suzanne x

Hi folks things going ok no gambling or any urges , dropped wee man to pre school today and picked him up , got the grass done and popped down to the local fishmongers for tonight's dinner. Remain gamble and booze free from my slip , got a letter from bank today saying there's possible fraudulent activity on my card ! There wasn't it was just my last 2 months of online gambling my statement looks and is horrendous , they've stopped certain transactions until I contact them , which I'm not going to as that's a bonus another barrier ! Counselling on Thursday k9 up and running !

Well done on bouncing back mate. You are one step ahead of me - Im still too scared to actually check my bank accounts at the moment ! I know they are going to look like someone took a cheesegrater to them.

Stay Strong.

FM.

Hi folks had great day y day think the whole family did ! Went to a lovely park where I live and got out my old canon slr and got some great shots of my kids and Labrador , was a great wee day and didn't spend much at all to enjoy ourselves ! Dropped and picked wee man to school and cooked a lovely bit of seabass for the wife for dinner , watched a film and had a early night ! Heading out for golf later then counselling tomorrow , still having moments of what the **** have I done that grabs me every once in a while , here's to another good day

Hi gav

What a lovely post to read, yes here's to another good day

Suzanne xx

Excellent post, that's really good stuff to hear gav. Normal life and enjoying your time with your little un is what it's all about -keep it up mate 🙂

FM

Hi all , never made it to counselling , wife had booked a hairdresser appt and never informed me leaving me to take the wee man to school , she's also out tonight on a hen night . I had Lovely bit of duck with a cherry sauce , now drinking again no 4.6 500 ml cans but vodka ( that's what's left in house ) feeling tipsy after dinner but signed in here ! Great afternoon kids at park and train ride, got them dinner out in the sun a local chip shop and had ice cream , my alcohol intake is pretty stupid , take care all gamble free

Hi Gav! You're doing well but keep off the sauce.... it's in league with the bloody gambling devil!!!! Take care! All the best. Helen. X

Hi Gav,

Ive not been able to post for a few days, but just thought I would pop my head in and see how you were doing fella. Well done for staying off the gambling even when you found the vodka !.

Hope you are progressing well, and chalking up more days of abstinence. It feels like a lifetime ago that I stopped now, and in reality its only two weeks.

Anyway. Check in when you can, and keep on keeping on !.

FM

Havent been on as have f ed up again, it all follows the same pattern, time (wife not around kids in bed) alcohol, gambling.

Last night was the worse, my brains craving for gambling is maddening, I planned to have wine, so i got 2 bottles ( a social drink for me !) and a nice bit of fish, I knew gambling would enter my mind, so i left my new card in work, so i thought i was grand.

Then after first bottle of wine, my addictive brain got to work, i remembered in my sent items in my inbox I had a photo of my recent card (from a previous fubar) so i was able to get that and guess my CVV number.

I really need a good ***** hiding, someone to knock some sense into me, I am fed up with constant relaspes all involving alcohol which im not addressing.

Counselling tomorrow, day one starting again and thoroughly P ssed off! f gambling f k it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am powerless over gambling I have made some steps, but tomorrow K9 on laptop phone BUT my wife has ipad.

I have to address my drinking, im a broken record but no drink = no gambling = success.

Its getting so bad that i prob need to get rid of my ipad, will see how i get on with k9.

B*****

Hi Gav,

Fella, sorry to hear that youve relapsed. When I saw you hadnt posted I was hoping you were just busy. It is so very very hard to break the habitual nature of the gambling mind. Reading your post I can see exactly the same thoughts I used to have - in your situation I know that at some point during the evening I would have been planning all of those events including the gambling. I would have been thinking - the missus is out, Ill get the kids to bed, then ill get some "me time", ive got some decent fish to cook, Ill get some wine in ..... and in the back of my mind Id be thinking "I know I shouldnt, but I COULD have a gamble". Then there would be some guilt and Id think "No", I wont do that, but slowly but surely over the course of the day Id think "I could just stick to 100 though", or "I could just use XYZ bonus and then not play anymore", etc etc. Thinking about it there would then normally be a tipping point where I said/admitted to myself "I know Im going to end up having a gamble actually, who am I kidding. Ill just have to be controlled about it" .... this point was kind of like a release like barriers coming down, Id admitted to myself I was going to gamble and then after this I could start to enjoy the "planning" the "anticipation" of going to the online casino - I would then start to think about what slots I would play, maybe I would try a different one, or employ a different strategy ?.

Etc etc.

However when it came down to it, I was planning to fail. The night would 9 times out of 10 end up with me turning it into a long, alcohol fueled, losing session. Then the next day I would wake up with the "what the f**k have I done" feeling and all the guilt etc.

I know its incredibly difficult to do this, but I think you have to get to a place where you dont allow yourself to have that initial planning and set up. Your resolve has to be strong enough not to allow you to get to the stage above where you "admit" that you will gamble to yourself. It has to feel like gambling is something that simply isnt a valid option, its not even a choice you can make.

The blocks like K9 are great for buying you time and making the process harder but youve got to get to that place where gambling is not on your list of viable choices as well - you cannot lose sight of Duncs mantra "I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP", its the only true guaranteed end point of a gambling decision. I think alcohol makes it harder to make a rational decision about things, makes it harder to remember that mantra - it certainly does for me.

Maybe in the interim whilst you are sorting your head out you should look at getting one of the new Ipad Air models that are coming out soon (you can always make it a "present" for your wife) if the early reviews are true these have finger print locking on them - you could ensure that only your wife can access her Ipad, meaning you would only be able to use it when she was there to unlock it, so you wouldnt be able to use it if shes out ?.

Positives ! -

its great that you are back here. Keep getting back on the horse mate.

This latest set back should only really serve to strengthen your resolve (which it is, you can see that by your saying "I probably need to do XYZ as well" you are realising that you need to try even harder to stop).

Dust yourself off and start chalking up the days again mate.

FM.