Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Hi FM,

Thanks for the detailed reply and yes the way you describe my thinking is 100% bang on, its actually quite scary as thats the exact process to a tee! subconciously planning ahead, and using the alcohol to nullify the willpower! A vicious circle I've had all my adult life!

Once i start thinking about gambling, Im beat, you are correct.

Im just off the phone to bank, and basically told them im a compulsive gambler and its killing me, the girl was sympathetic but theres only so much they can do. They've blocked all gambling sites i have used already but they cant block or prevent new ones, or put limits on my account. I could change cards to a basic savings account but i'd lose my Overdraft to which i am around 1000 overdrawn already and prob close to 1400 by pay day with other bills coming out.

What they are doing is sending me another card, and i cant remember who said but im going to scratch the f u*k out of that cvv number thing on the back of the card, actually im not going to do it, but im going to get my counsellor to do it, thus stopping internet transactions whilst still allowing me to use chip and pin and lift money etc. ( I dont know why i havent done this before).

I need to get to that place soon FM, my head is pickled its all over the place, I've quit for months before so i can do this.

Thanks again for the advice.

Ipad air sounds good but im skint currently, i have last years ipad air im actualy thinking of getting rid of it, im due a new phone soon was thinking of a phablet.

Oh what a life we live !!!!!!!!! Getting out in the fresh air tonight to swipe away at a tiny golf ball! No gambling , no thankyou.

No worries fella,

I've always seen similarities between what you've described and what I've been through - its clearly a similar way that it affects a lot of us (and the bookmaking business is probably designing itself based on these sorts of reactions to stay hugely profitable). Thinking about those similarities is a positive for me as it proves that we aren't all uniquely defined by various strains of this compulsive gambling nonsense -essentially it effects us all in similar ways, therefore if one of us can beat it then we all can, and there are enough success stories on here some now years into recovery, to suggest that's certainly the case.

With regards to getting to that "place", irritatingly I don't think anyone can just say "well it's done like so...." that bit I think does depend on each person and possibly what their triggers are to gambling in the first place. For me I know that it's really important that I give myself zero room for manoeuvre mentally -I must think of gambling as "something I USED to do", it's historical.

It can be done, like you say you've gotten into that mindset before too. A while back I was considering (and I know this sounds daft, but people like us have to consider all avenues I think) looking into either hypnotherapy or CBT not as a solution to the whole thing as I don't think it's as easy as turning a switch to the OFF position, but just to help me start reprogramming my brain to that which I've described above. If my resolve weakens it's definitely some thing I'd still consider -might be worth a go to give you a kick start ?. If you didnt live so far away I'd offer to come and kick you up the a**e every time you thought about gambling (maybe we need to invent an app for that -we could make millions !).

With regard to the ipad -yup I know, I'm skint too -I keep looking at phones and tablets at the airport every week it's always a bit like someone pouring cold water over my head when I then remember that I now cannot afford any of them.

Phablet might be a good idea, and if you're prepared to android then you've got access to even more gamble blocking software. I looked at the Sony Experia Z2 and the New Galaxy Note (lovely but bloody expensive) both are nice looking things and would definitely be able to replace something like an ipad mini -but I really struggled to see how I'd use them as an everyday phone, they are massive and wouldn't fit into my suit pocket let alone trousers for a night out. I'm still undecided on them for basically that reason.

The CCV number on the new card (I think it was mile end that suggested that if memory serves) is a good idea for sure too.

Anyway, apologies ive rambled on again !. Try and clear your head if only for a bit and take your frustration out on the little white dimpled b******s at the range (I always find if I'm trying to knacker the ball 300 yards plus I just shank it but then I'm dangerous with a golf club). One day at a time mate, keep plodding.

FM.

Yeah CBT is definately one to think about. I tried hypnotherapy before when I was doing my finals at uni ( I used to panic alot re exams) at it worked really really well, but my heads f ed up enough at the minute lol !

Boredom is a definate trigger , i need to find something stimulating and be pro active about it.

I also have to plan ahead on my nights where the wife is out, cutting out alcohol would be a sensible start!!

Girl in work has the Samsung note it looks lovely, tis quite large but i dont personally mind that. iphone 6 also a possibility 5.5 but that doesnt offer the same protection.

Anyway cheers for posts, (i'll kick myself up the a)se) leaving work sharp to get out on the course. Fore!

good day and no thoughts of gambling, just anti gambling thoughts. Bit stressed in work 4 out of 8 drives went down on our server so computers were down all morning, now ok thankfully, still managed to get to counselling which was great, K9 now in operation. New card should get to me next week, im not opening it until the back 3 digits are scraped off. Feeling fairly postive but realise long road ahead, and how easy it is to slip up.

Day 3 , all good, no card currently, no pressure to gamble. Weird weird dreams, playing machine s winning 70-80k on a spree (as if!) , other weird things.

Wk end more or less planned and gambling not part of that plan!

Signing in all good no gambling and good wee day

Great day ! no gambling

Well done fella keep it up !.

FM

A good weekend, very productive. Nice day with kids on saturday and out for dinner with them, then golfing on Sunday with a group of mates.

Did drink on friday night, but no gambling or any thoughts of gambling.

Will be a week tomorrow.

Feel pretty good asides from the weird dreams, had a old nightmare last night that i was in my bed in the dark and this thing appears at my door coming at me, I cant scream or make a noise and i cant move! Used to get these when I was younger.

Take care folks.

Drinking a lot no gambling I'm glad no real thoughts though pretty drunk ! I've a lot of bugs to be plugged but one week withoutb gambking

Hi Gav,

Good to hear that you are abstaining on the gambling front mate. Well done. I think its a significant step forwards if you can drink and still not get the gambling urge.

Congrats mate and keep it up.

FM.

8 days now , feeling fuzzy headed, too much vino last night and sitting in work craving a kfc or fry .

Good to make it past a week still peeved off re finances, but if i continue i should be debt free for Christmas which would be a great start to the new year!

I will need to address issues like drinking, but at the minute 110% of my effort is going into not gambling.

Received my new bank card on Saturday I didnt open it the plan on keeping it giving it my counsellor to scratch the back 3 digits off so i put it somewhere safe, which i now cant find and have torn the house down searching for it lol. So I've to contact my bank, to get other one sent out!

Being fuzzy headed at work ... weve all been there mate. But its SOOOOO much better to just be fuzzy headed than to also have that incredible crushing guilt and the self hatred that comes post an late night online session, the sums you have to do through the hangover haze to work out whether your overdraft will hold when the payments go through, the terrible numbness and the way everything is just faded out and replaced by the white noise of post gambling desperation.

You have avoided that mate. A hangover is nothing by comarison (well nothing a KFC cant fix anyway).

All recovery schpiel aside, ive found that drinking is just another habitual / cycle type thing that can be managed once you have broken the cycle (I felt the same when i gave up smoking, it was really hard to start with, but became less so as the time went on). I didnt drink at all for a couple of weeks to help me get my head straight, then i moved on to say just pouring myself two glasses of wine and leaving these two individual glasses out on the work top, and putting the bottle back away. Believe me I am absolutely the type of person that normally cannot leave a bottle until its empty - but I have gotten into more of a pattern of "having one drink" or not drinking of late - I tried those non-alcoholic beers also, they taste like s**t but you get used to them. Ive been meaning to do this for a while anyway, but i think the gambling just tipped me over the edge. Im sure Ill still have a skinful every so often, but ill allow myself that as long as its less frequent than it used to be.

The bank card and "debt free by Christmas" are both really positive things to hear mate. Good for you.

Keep on keeping on.

FM.

Might have a try at them non alcholic beers, its worth a try.

Another good day, busy in work got to counsellor , wifes birthday today, cooking steak (her fav) got her some flowers and a present, would have been nice to pay with it out of my cash not the banks! (overdraft)

Anyway day 9 i believe, and no booze tonight, steak chips and a nice glass of coke!

Day 10! Double figures , all good, not much happening this week end but i can deal with that! Weather looks good, taking kids out tomorrow.

Finish work in 20 mins and sun is shining ! 🙂