Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Morning all, thanks for checking up on me fallen man, all good 71 days I think as my profile page tells me.

Havent been on here much lately busy with work and other things. Only reading your posts now, yeah I love the badminton is great exercise, played again last week, my fitness levels are terrible, I went through 3 t-shirts in an hour! (the hall we play in is like a sauna). After a long rally my heart was beating so dam quick I thought i was going to keel over!

Was offered to play a match tomorrow night but said no, and i couldnt envisage making it through 6 sets of badminton with mens doubles and mixed (If it went to 3 sets) , I would probably end up in hospital! Plan is just to keep going down to practice to get my fitness levels up ! (Could take a few years lol) Have u watched the new format on sky sports best of 5 sets , first to 9 with a double point pink shuttle?

Nothing really new, bought myself my xmas present, a bose mini soundlink speaker, been after one for a while. Works via bluetooth and the quality is tremendous, hard to believe the sound that comes out of such a small thing!

Thats another thing lately i ;ve been spending money which I never would have spent when still gambling. Problem is Im still in arrears and feel guilty, I need to find a balance. I am clearing off around £200 a month but I know i could be clearing £5-600 if I really was committed. Originally hoped i'd have it paid off my xmas, thats not going to happen. But its going down and Im not gambling so Im on the right track.

Had a 71 (level par) on my last outing of the golf society , which was great, though I was 4 under after 13. and fell away towards the end. Rory you better watch out! Ha

So will be 11 weeks tomorrow. Generally things are going ok, found out my brother is going through a tough time at moment so bit worried about him.

Sill ruminating about the money blown and what I could have done with that money, but I accept I cant get it back, and just accept it as a very steep learning curve, and indeed am very lucky and fortunate to not have racked up serious debt as so many others less fortunate than myself have done here.

I still watched a few horse races on Saturday, prob not a good idea, still no urge to gamble but its a gambling related sport so its best not to watch any of it .

I realise the importance of coming onto this site and reading peoples stories and updating my diary, too many times i've relasped after a period of abstinence thinking I had it licked.

Busy month ahead with work do's, nights out , and lot of booze.

Alcohol is an issue which I will have to address, though this isnt particularly a good time of the year to attempt that.

All gambling relapses involved alcohol.

Anyway hope all is good with everyone, 11 weeks gamble free tomorrow and looking forward to xmas with my boys.

Hi Gav,

Very well done on 11 weeks,

I think we will always regret our losses, but as time goes on it will become a distant long time ago memory.

We know we will never get our money back, because we cannot stop once we start,.

Stay strong with guard up and you won't lose any more money.

Suzanne xx

Thanks for the post Suzanne and glad see your doing well from your diary so well done! A good week, and weekend, got the xmas tree up y day and decorations, out for lunch and took kids on train ride and to see Santa, which they loved. Nice to be able to do these things!

Will be 12 weeks tomorrow, so the days / months are building up.

Lots on this month so saving money will be tough, but debt is going down If a little bit slower than I would have liked but Im going to right way and Im not gambling nor ever plan to do so.

Take care folks

Hi Gav,

Glad to see you're still going in the right direction in terms of gambling, I did a mince pie special train ride with my brother in law last week, which was similar to the Santa special but without the distraction of children, allowing me to focus on the mince pies and sherry! Glad you and the kids enjoyed, spending money on something worthwhile is much nicer in recovery.

As for dealing with alcohol, I'm planning the same thing...after my works Christmas meal on Wednesday, then it'll be time to get back in the gym and start putting the hard yards in again.

Keep up the good work

Ryan

Hi Ryan, and thanks for the kind words! Im laughing at the mince pies and sherry, sounds v good! Im partial to both ! Yeah alcohol is something that is problematic for me, and something which needs addressed.

Enjoy Christmas lad, if we cant enjoy ourselves then , then when can we? My do is next week, a group of guys are heading out from 12 pm, Im not joing them until 3pm which is early enough!

Hi Gav,

Thanks for your post, keep going and going and keep clocking those days up you are doing great.

Suzanne xx

90 days gamble free, Im getting quite close to triple digits which is great!!

No real temptations, just looking to christmas and a week off with my familly , my eldest is 3 now , so it should be more fun this year, that and I bought him (and myself lol) a scalextrics set, ha!

Works dos this weekend, I going to drive to fridays and leave after dinner but saturdays will be messy, out from the afternoon with a few heavy gamblers who I know will be asking me to join in and stick a tenner on such in such a horse, i've already planned for that, to simply say its a waste of money (which it is) and i dont do it anymore.

I hope everyone is going well? i notice Fallenman hasnt been on here in quite a while , i hope hes okay?

Looking forward to 100 days.

Hi Gav,

Great to see you have 90 days clocked up. That is just so good especially this time of the year. This is your time to give it up once and for all. You will have a great xmas.

What do you think made the difference this time?

Everything is so much better after 90 days. You must feel so much weight off your shoulders. Don't get tempted with those gambling buddies. Plan in advance and take no chances.

Take care,

Suzy

Hi Gav

90' days is really good going,

It's getting nearer Xmas so keep your guard tightly up and carry on doing exactly what you are doing now

Well done Gav

Suzanne xx

Thanks for the replies guys, Im not sure whats different this time, I think i've just got to a point where I dont want to put myself through the ringer all over again.

Its a lose lose situation if i do gamble, I have no control over it, it controls me. I've gone periods before without a gamble , so guards need to be kept up , but so far so good. Xmas has been a tricky one in the past, but Im looking forward with optimism this year.

Im looking forward to getting my neg bank balance into check, and starting putting some savings away, I can achieve anything if i dont gamble.

Stay strong all

90 days, well done.

you will be through the hardest part the begining, good on you keep up the good work, to see others keep clear of gambling for long periods makes me think i can do the same thing.

david 🙂

Hi Gav,

Well done on passing the 90 day mark.

I have a question in follow on to your post. Does something seem different this time round?

I ask because it does this time for me. I've tried to stop numerous times over the last 18 months and failed miserably each time but this time I know something is different.

It worries me slightly that the urges aren't as constant and that I seem to be able to sidestep them when they do surface with relative ease (compared to all the times before)

I'm terrified I'm headed for a gigantic fall I guess because I shouldn't be finding this as ok as I am.

I guess what I'm asking is do you think there really is a 'right' time for someone to stop? I know people say that about smoking, drinking, drug addiction but I've never heard it said about gambling, although I see no reason it should be different.

I'm hoping that I'm finding things ok because now really is my time to stop and if I screw this one up who knows when the time will be right again. But what I'm really hoping is that this isn't just some sneaky way for my brain to trick me into believing that I can gamble 'responsibly' again one day

Anyway, enough with the philosophical questioning. I echo your sentiments on fallenman, his early words to me have been a lifeline. It's a worry when people disappear, although fingers crossed all is well and he's just been too busy with work and the run up to Christmas.

Take care and stay strong (especially this weekend)
Jess

Hey Jess just to follow on from what your saying maybe its something to be positive about that you are finding it much easier to side step urges and rather than worry see it as a great achievement that you have come so far. I think that everything has a time and place and as with anything we achieve it comes down to how much we are prepared to fight and want to achieve something.

try not to worry about heading for a fall and concentrate on how much of a gift recovery is and how proud you can be for stopping. I suppose if you do get any urges you can remind yourself instead of how horrible gambling is and all the pain it causes rather than going towards a fall.

I don't know if we can say there is ever a right time to stop only that it's for the best that we stop and that it takes getting to a certain point of despair and hopelessness before we can truly overcome it.

Hi folks and thanks for the posts. The addiction can be beat, I personally just try not to get ahead of myself. Im not a GA follower but i truely do believe in their philosphy 'one day at a time' , try not and get too far ahead of yourself Jess. The blow outs and relapses we've all experienced in past are learning curves, we must learn from them. Why did we relapse, what caused it, what can we do about it, how can we prevent it from happening again.

A good friend & counsellor of mine, told me to keep check with my feelings, be honest with myself, and keep check with our thoughts and emotions. Even a few words late at night in a diary on how ur feeling etc, or even online here.

I agree with what Stoneroses is saying, I personally just got to a point where i've had enough of gambling. I've an allergic reaction to it, just like someone who is allergic to nuts cannot eat them, i cannot gamble.

Try not and worry about future relaspes , just be thankfull and for now your not gambling. When temptations do come and go, have acheck list what gambling has done to your life, and how much pain and suffering it causes.