So finally - I WANT to give up

Hi samba79,

I feel your pain, it is a horrific disease to have. I have been gambling for 3 years and tomorrow will be my first clean day.

Firstly you should be proud of yourself that you have realised that you have a gambling problem and most improtantly you have caught it early. You dont want to be like me and doing this 2-3 years down the line.

I hope our gambling free journey continue together and keep your head up. You have everything ahead of you.

Samba79.

Same actions, same emotions, same day......Lets nail this !!

Sbb

Thank you.

Sadly I have been gambling a while, probably 10+ years but I just can’t do it anymore.

I was paid well for a job I worked really hard for this last month and it’s all gone. We have a little savings but nothing compared to what we had at the turn of the year and it’s this that eats me up so badly, how much I have messed up and thrown away what would be a jackpot on a game show in the space of 5 months.

I just want to live a normal life with the normal worries but a clear head. I can’t recall my mind wasn’t racing around, fleeting between thoughts going back and forth all the time it’s awful.

I know it will be slow but I’m glad that I finally cannot continue on this path of hurt and destruction.

So, only a short amount of time but 3 days GF after a lot of hurt, pain and misery since the turn of this year when my BIG problems started and I was gamblign way much more than I could lose and did in act lose most of it.

I'm thankful that I still have my wife and daughter here, have a job interview next week and can hopefully move on and away from gambling. I've just found a spreadsheet of the amounts I was risking (and throwing away) since November last year and while it sickens me, I'm hopeful for my future.

Had my second meeting with a counsellor arranged via Gamcare after my initial episode back in March and it went really well in terms of focusing my mind a little although it's still all over the place, but feel much better today than I have in a long while, even if my most recent episode and the start of this thread was only 3 days ago.

First target is 1 week, one day at a time and go from there.

Thanks all, take care of yourselves this weekend.

Hi Samba 79, I feel your pain from gambling 10 plus years. Plus you need to take care of your family as well. A lot of stress for you. Since you decided to quit gambling, be really careful on relapses. Good luck.

Day 7 for me after my LAST relapse and i’m feeling so much better than this time last week, I won some money but it was almost burning a hole in my online account until it was gone, all gone in 6 losing hands in a row as usual when it hits, it hits hard BUT...!

It was the final catalyst for closing those last few accounts and now I am totally unable to gamble online and all the blocks have been out in place. FINALLY!

Having looked to the future without gambling I’ve been lucky to have been offered a new job with a cracking set of lads and can move away a little from the stresses of having my own business that I could not concentrate on because of my continuous gambling and heavy losses.

Very early days but I hope I can look forward with pride.

I found a small bit of text I wrote in my notebook for my job and I will look at it most days and remember that I do have a future without this.

The words are:

“I have been given a second chance. A chance to enjoy life, to feel something. Fun, happiness, love, warmth. Will I ever find this in a deck of cards or a slot machine? Take this chance. Use it. Don’t throw your life away, love yourself. BE PROUD AGAIN”

Good luck everyone.

25 days which seems a nice round figure for me.

I'm so glad I have installed Gamban and self excluded as this tools have stopped me a number of times when the chance arises to maybe go and check what promotions a place is offering or something like that. I'm trying not to act on these urges and replace them with better things, my level of work has improved, concentration and I passed two courses last week which will help me in the future.

Good luck to anyone reading 🙂

Why is it when you think you have everything sorted this thing just grabs hold of you and gets you?

Do disappointed in myself, after seeing a counsellor for a number of weeks (admittedly she wasn't the best and didn't really offer too much in the way of advice) but I'm now back to square 1. I'm so annoyed at myself.

Why would anyone choose to wake up on a morning to purposefully make themselves miserable?

Luckily, my LAST (please, please I can't take this up and down of emotion anymore), LAST time I gamble.

I had stops in place, but not enough. Always hanging onto that last thing thinking I can turn this around myself, but have now finally excluded from everywhere I can think of and have installed Gamban on my home and work PC's now so I'm hoping that I cannot gamble. I just do not seem to take into account the misery and heartache I have caused me and my family. It's as if the last 4 months of sheer terror and utter hatred of myself haven't even touched the sides? How is this possible? Why am I so selfish to everyone, including myself?

Day 0 of saying goodbye to being a compulsive LOSER.

Hi Samba dont beat yourself up too much for a relapse as most people on here have had plenty. im only on day 18 after numerous relapses, id be on about day 150 if i hadnt relapsed. dont forget this is a controlling addiction. get on GAMSTOP if you havent already. your reaction in itself to the relapse demonstrates how much you want to kick this thing and if thats how you truly feel then you will get there. The best thing about a brief relapse is that it is a sharp reminder of the miserable, dark days you once were in and just underlines all the reasons why you want it to end and in the long run you will be stronger and more steadfast because of it. dont be controlled any more , take the power back.

all the best