Having updated my intro post at Finally Facing up, scared and looking for advice I've found this bit of the forums and it seems like a good keeping busy activity to post in here.
Found gamstop as well, and although webserver said no to my registration, I got the forms through online chat and have that process going now along with all the opt-out emails I've already found. Yes, perhaps it's a cop out talking to an agent via online chat, rather than the phone, and perhaps it means I'm not facing up properly by addressing my addiction and illines via my least favourite method of communication, but you know, keeping a track here of positive steps taken each day is a step along the journey.
Just found this forum last night, will do the same as talking about it helps. Least you've gone one step further than me for now and spoken to someone, i doubt i could speak to someone on the phone, cant stand the things. 😀
its been incredible my busy, which helps, and I have a booking in phone appointment tomorrow with some counselling let’s see what they have to offer, taking does help, even though I remain deeply sceptical about such things working for me but I want to talk, and to try things
Another day clean, in with a nice takeaway with the wife, who is really amazing.
Day 4,
More phone time, it's really not that bad @Puggy , undestanding people who don't judge but want to support and help. Anyway booked in, and got the first councilling F2F session booked; that's probably even scarier than the phone - but the more I talk to people the more I want to understand and get those coping mechanisms in place.
Got the identity validation docs off to gamstop too, so hopefully that will kick in soon. Remorse means that if this takes a little longer it's not a big deal, but that has never lasted in the past so we need more mechanisms as I go along.
It's a good feeling to be learning and understanding. Hadn't even heard the FOBT changes, which are surely excellent news for everyone (never really my thing), but how does an equivalent control translate into the world of online casino?
Bit of a disappointment in a different bit of life today. That could/would have been a trigger. No such thoughts today. That’s surely a good sign.
A relatively relaxed day today. No urges, and here we are in day 6. The pleasure of seeing money spent on things that make people happy and saved, rather that wasted feels good.
Long drive tomorrow and arcades at motorway services, but they don’t scare me; I shan’t avoid them, but they won’t tempt me either.
I was disappointed to see the FOBTchnages are going to take so long to kick in
and the phone, well that’s a tool for writing this blog, keeping in touch and other useful activities including contactless payment for drinks
Lots of road time today, back safely now and time for a few beers with an old friend & a chat. Not so long ago at all, this would be a trigger; but the flashing lights don’t scare me anymore, nor do they have a captivating sirens lure either
ttSo today is a week down. That’s an important milestone, but one of only many.
A warm day today, but no thoughts of doing anything related to gambling at all. Last nights success is a confidence booster, but one of only many; I’ve no intention of getting complacent. Constant vigilance!
Time to chase a couple of slow paying clients, sure is nice to see the money building towards worthwhile things.
2nd post for today. This time last week was a real rock bottom, until I started the climb out of the hole, we’ve been mostly positive so far along the way. But then something happens, that releases all that hurt & damage I’ve done to the ones I love, and the hurt comes crashing down for everyone. No way is this going to result in a relapse, but it’s tough to see that hurt causing doubt and anguish. I can’t undo the past, I can only do better in the future Reluctantly not every day is positive, that would be unrealistic and I must cope with the consequences of this addiction
Day 8 GF. Seriously busy today, which always put laxatives the bad stuff toward back of mind. Now though keeping a daily awareness check on the demons is no bad thing. Routine is important. Confidence must always be tempered with reality. It’s nervy at times with almost nothing in the current account, but we all need to grow and build that trust again. It’s not as if anything terrible has happened due to running on a tight ship; and the money not there is safe and saving for much important things. I’ll survive.
Day 9. Counselling. Went rather well, brain wiring, anxiety relief through tapping / acupressure. I’ll be back for the next season; it’s suprisingly easy.
The JS (and CSS) here is a mess, which explains why auto correct is making a mockery of me when I’m on the iPhone. Strong a confident today
Day 10. GF. Some ups and down, but still tapping away. Not that there has been any temptation, onwards we go
Day 11 Gf. Feeling good. Relaxing Long weekend ahead.
Today part one is yesterday. Day 12 GF. It’s a good feeling, temptation hasn’t appeared yet. I should be strong enough and be in a stronger position to cope when it does. Rationale understanding is important, but it will still take better & deeper controls to prevent instinct taking over.
Day 13 GF and feeling good. Busy day with an early start, again the day flew by before crashing exhausted. No urges, but then no time for urges either. Cautiously positive, but still vigilent
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