So it starts my journey

Morning all,
So day 12 is here doesnt seem nuch at first but it feels good 12 days is an achievement. Im a shift worker and im now on my days off. This is the time where i must plan my day and stay focused and occupied. My day always starts with gamcare its just part of the routine whether its for a minute or an hour, i research and read as much as i can gathering as much information from other people to help me on my journey through. Today is going to be a good day and i will remain GF.

Bye for now

Mick

Hi Mick, well done on 12 days, keep doing what you are doing which is to decide not to wager a bet. No advice needed you know what you need to do. I am on a new journey myself and am 9 days clean so will check in with you when I can.

Wilsy

Day 14

Just checking in been a busy weekend kept occupied and busy. Cant believe how better i feel for just doing things and actually enjoying myself not worrying about gambling and actually having a little bit of money in the bank amd not trying to win more to cover the months living expenses. Hope everyones Sunday is nice relaxing and gamble free.

marson_123 wrote: Cant believe how better i feel for just doing things and actually enjoying myself not worrying about gambling and actually having a little bit of money in the bank amd not trying to win more to cover the months living expenses.

Hi Marson - congratulations on day 14.

I'm a few days behind you with my gf life - but you're absolutely right when you say it's unbelievalbly good just doing normal enjoyable things without that constant self-inflicted pressure to chase money that's long gone. I've had a few moments like that ... when suddenly life regains the clarity it used to have before online casinos embedded themselves into my day to day life. It's a liberating feeling.

Good luck with today - and I'm glad it's working out for you.

Hi All

So day 16. Today i find myself reflecting over life and where ive been and where i want to go. Im a little down today after talking with my wife last night i thought we were moving forward but from what she said she still has doubts about us moving forward and having a full future together. Now shes not saying there isnt a future shes saying she cant look past what has happened which i understand. I guess im just reflecting on the pain and hurt and the deceit that i have caused. If anything reflecting makes me want to try harder, to not gamble to pick myself up and move forward and never allow myself to get back into that situation again. We were hoping to buy our first home in the next two years but now i have debts to sort and no deposit anymore its looking a lot harder now. Not only harder but my wife does not want to buy a house with me at the moment as she doesnt trust me. Can i move forward like this? Will my wife ever trust me enough? I guess only time will tell but at least we are trying to move forward i suppose.

Bye for now

It's a horrible feeling having your wife or partner not trusting you with money one I know very well,I'm in a similar situation to yourself 24 days gamble-free and also looking to save for a house within the next two years with my girlfriend,ive been saving 100 a week for the last 18 weeks straight in a savings account I cannot touch and it's probably the saving grace that I can't touch it as I probably would have blown the lot on my last gambling spree.maybe you should look into opening a savings account like that and show her that you can't withdraw money until you reach a certain amount,and when the weeks/months start adding up I'm sure her trust will grow again.good luck pal

Thanks sel87 think im just having one of those days where im not sure what to do or how to feel. We are saving jointly and like you its one thing ive not touched but the debts are priorities to pay down now also. My wife has access to all my finances and accounts and she has all my cards too and i have a weekly allowance for myself so all in all the plans working so far. Good luck Sel87 amd thanks for the advice

Day 22

So here we are 3 weeks in feels longer but to be honest ive been keeping myself busy and having about an hour a day just reading threads and gathering information and strength from others. Its been a funny few days tbh ive had family around this weekend and its been great fun we have even had a night out with a curry and i opened up a little about some of my gambling and how it made me feel. That was nice to not be judged but to be able to explain how it made me feel was good. Now i feel more commited and determined im looking forward to the future i have things to fix and trust to build but i know having such love and support around me will keep me commited and give me the strength to overcome this horrible addiction. Still no thoughts to gamble and my blocks are well in place.

Roll on day 23!!

Thanks Marson for dropping into my diary and leaving a warning shot about joining another casino site. I've now self-excluded for 5 years, so let's hope that spells the end of that silly little episode.

And congratulations on 22 days gf! You've got just over a week head start on me.

I'm glad things are working out and that you're enjoying the better things in life. Like family, a curry and a good laugh. This sure beats silently burning hard earned cash each night online. It's sort of a no-brainer. Reading your post helps me have to recognize the shift in attitude from a gambler to non-gambler - words like 'determined' ' and 'looking forward to the future' didn't ever feature in my head after a bad night of gambling.

Thanks again for taking the time to keep me on track. Really appreciate it, and you should've clocked up day 23 for you when you read this!

Equinox

Hi diary just checking in really day 26 feeling good just a little down and tired at the moment but put all that down to work and being busy. Payday today and its the first time i feel happy that i have money for the month and i wont be chasing money that i would normally have thrown away. So heres to a good weekend gamble free!!!

Hi Mick

Well done on 26 days GF, the days are racking up.

Glad to hear you are feeling happier going into payday. Sounds like you are in a much better place and have the support of your family around you should make things easier.

Have a great GF weekend

Muststop123

So day 31and all ok. Well yes ok as for not gambling but realisation as to the damage that i have caused and how hurt my wife is and also how messed up it has made me. Now its all about trying to piece our lives back together but this is a lot harder than i thought. Gambling aside i now understand that gambling has slowly destroyed things that i loved and has made me neglect those closest to me. Im trying my best to remain positive just finding it hard at the moment. My wifes struggling too and we both appear to be lost and have lost our ways. Heres hoping tomorrow is a bit better

So its been a while since i posted in my diary so thought i would give a bit of an update. So day 41 and going well couple of niggling thoughts every now and then but then i just remember the lows and the losses it soon sets me back on track. So me and the wife have decided to split up. Luckily for me she is still like a best friend and is supporting me through getting squared away. I think we both new its been coming as things have been bad for a while. The gambling was the icibg on the cake i think and its made us both realise we cant carry on like this. So there we are my brief update. Keep those thoughts away and stay GF.

So day 54 not going to lie this is a struggle. Right now im going through a lot of emotions mainly to do with my breakup. Realising that the person i thought was my rock actually isnt and that hurts a lot. But its also made me realise a lot and how my life over the last 18 months has not been what i wanted. I now realise that the gambling was a way out of living my normal life it was an escape from reality. I now realise that was the worst thing i could have done. Now looking forward i am rebuilding myself and looking to the future. Its not going to be easy and financially im struggling but i will get through this and at the end of it i will be living life for me for once. Luckily i have some great friends and a fantastic family who are supporting me through it all. Now i just need to think and concentrate on me thats all that matters now. So for today no gambling and for the future who knows but i can happily say it will be a gamble free one!!!