So much money

Hi Bodgerthebadger welcome to Gamcare forum. Congratuations you took a big step in as you say 'confessing everything'. Telling someone you have a problem with your gambling is a positive step it can allow you to get help support and advice as it is no longer a secret. You sound determined. It can be a good idea to get further support and information to stregthen your resolve to never gamble again putting some support in place can help you contiune to move forward. If you want further advice and support you can speak to a gamcare advisor on the netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline#.VWl_Ks9Viko or on our freephone number 08088020133. Advisors can give you information on strategies you can use such as self exclusion and blocking software for online gambling as well as information on support such as one to one counselling which is available in most areas of the Uk. There is also group support with gamblers anonymous http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/ . Try not to give yourself a hard time I am sure you are not a terrible person uncontrolled spending and debt are a consequence of problem gambling and you are now being responsible in facing these consequences. You can also find information and support with your debts at https://www.nationaldebtline.org/ . Please keep posting bodgerthebadger .

Caroline

You are not a horrible person. This situation affects us all in different ways.

You are now changing things around and each day gamble free is a success which in turn makes you an excellent person.

Good luck

Day 2. I will not gamble today.

I actually feel zero urges to gamble now I have come clean. Partly I was hoping for that magical big win to put everything right, now I know that won't come and I can't put it right myself I feel like that drive has disappeared completely. Reading up on types of gambler I fit the classic female gambler profile - I do not do it for fun or the thrill so I won't miss that. In fact it makes me feel miserable.

I think my husband pretty much hates me now. It's very hard to face. I deserve it 100% - there's nobody to blame but myself. I wish I could make it clear how much I am not going to gamble at all. I'm totally committed.

Well done for reaching day 2 and for your resolve, which sounds very strong.

I totally understand your feelings and can relate to your 1st post. I feel like a terrible person too, I feel sick at the time and money I have wasted and only now, today, do I finally realise that I will not have a big win and be able to put everything right. I am a few steps behind you as I have not admitted my addiction to my family yet. I am a single mum and so have no partner to confess to, but I am seeing my parents and my brother tomorrow to tell them everything. I feel sick about telling them, but know it is the right thing to do.

I'm interested in what you said about fitting the profile of a female gambler. Did you read this somewhere?

Good luck with your recovery and keep posting day by day.

BowWow x

Good luck telling your parents and brother. Its a big step but just think how you would feel if they came to you. I'm sure you would want to help if you could.

The female gambler thing i read online somewhere - they said there are two types of gamblers. Most men are action gamblers, doing it for the thrill, maybe they enjoy feeling rebellious. Women tend to be escape gamblers; they are trying to get away from a problem - in my case i have always felt anxious about money and wanted to get more. That backfired!

Thanks for the replies x

Hi girls, welcome to recovery 🙂 This evil addiction makes us feel worthless & no one can hate us more than we hate ourselves but unless there's something really awful that you have not divulged, you are not terrible people! I can't take your pain away but I can assure you that with recovery comes a degree of forgiveness & although I will always be ashamed of what I was, I am not that person anymore!

Please ensure that you have blocks in place to break your Time-Money-Location triangles as removing one will prevent you gambling! These determined feelings that you have @ the moment will not last forever & the addiction will once again start whispering lies about how much better it can make your life!

Gamcare offers support to friends & family so this may be be of use to loved ones who are struggling to take it all in!

There is a lot of wisdom between these forum walls & many people who have walked in your shoes that you can learn from to tailor your own recovery!

Keep reading, keep fighting, recovery is possible - ODAAT

I have put every block in place that I can. There is a blocker on my PC. I have closed all my accounts and have even set up filters in my email to make sure any emails that even mention gambling go straight into the trash without my even seeing them. I have no access to money either and have never gambled in the flesh, so to speak so there's no temptation there (I've never even been in a betting shop and don't think I ever want to!)

Most of all the compulsion is completely gone. I feel so certain of it. I was trying to chase because I thought I could dig myself out of the hole and stop the worst happening - the worst thing was my husband finding out. Now he knows I have lost my reason to do it any more. It wasn't fun and I never enjoyed it so I definitely don't miss the "buzz" (never got a buzz, just a sick sort of feeling). He doesn't trust me at all though. I wish he could see inside my head so he could tell exactly how determined I am.

And does this make sense...I don't think I'm addicted to gambling. I feel quite happy that I could never gamble again. I think I am a compulsive gambler - e.g. chasing losses, finding it difficult to stop once started. Now I have broken that cycle I don't feel any sort of urge to gamble at all.

Great work 🙂

That does make sense actually but I still fear the power of the addiction! I can assure you, you NEVER want to go into a betting shop...They are every bit as awful as you imagine but it never stopped me!

You certainly sound like you get it & not fearing never gambling again is a huge part of that!

Your husband will be reeling & as long as you understand that & keep working to prove to him how determined you are, hopefully in time you will be able to build the trust back up - ODAAT

Still Day 2...still no gambling...still no urge. This has been a very long day so it deserves two posts. Feel like I'm sort of wishing the time away so I can pay some of my debts off. But I have two small children and I want to make the most of my time with them when they are so little. I want to cry most of the time but it's pure self-pity and I don't deserve to wallow in it, so I'm not going to. It's my own stupid fault and I don't deserve any sympathy.

I don't fear never gambling again, in fact I relish the idea. It feels like freedom to me.

Whether you feel you deserve sympathy or not, you have mine because I know that it must be hurting you so very much! I get what bought you here & the wanting to treat them to lovely things but as the child of a CG, I can assure you that your time is more important to them than anything you could buy! Keep taking deep breaths & relishing every moment with your children...They are far more important than any debt you may have! I also understand you wishing the days away...Now that you have broken the cycle you are keen to move on with your life!

Recovery is freedom but the early stages still hurt especially with the realisation that the thing you were running from (your husband finding out) is hurting too!

Things will get better - ODAAT

Day 3 - no urges, no gambling.

Am starting to think of two things - 1, how I can make money back to pay off my debts and 2, how I can fill my time 'safely'. Luckily the two things can coincide - so I can start cooking more from scratch using cheaper ingredients and so on, also I have started sorting out things for sale on eBay and Facebook. I also like crafty things like crochet and knitting so maybe I could use my stash of wool to make things? Anyway at least it is productive and free.

Day 4 dawns and it's a sunny morning.

I'm doing well at filling my time with lots of productive things, and they're money-saving too, so that's a double win for me. Although I honestly don't feel like I need to keep busy to keep myself from gambling as I still have no urges.

I know what drove me to do it originally - greed, although not for myself (there's nothing I really want!) but for the family - I earn less now than I ever have and after a couple of big wins it seemed like a good way of being able to add extra money to our funds, to be able to treat people is a great feeling and I have really struggled feeling like I am not contributing enough to the household. So it seemed for a while as though I was doing a good thing bringing more money in. Then of course you start losing and chasing losses...Now it's all out in the open my compulsion to chase instantly disappeared.

I have set up ways to pay off my debts - we don't need outside help and I never got to the point of missed payments or payday loans, so it's all going to be on 0% credit cards. Not exactly great but at least it's not getting any bigger.

Hi Bodgerthebager

Early days but it will get easier, stay strong and never give up giving up.

Paul