Lets try again

Been thinking about the best way to deal with the regret and when monetary matters come up how to focus and try not to live in the past with the mistake i have made, any advice would be apprieciated. I still cant belive what ive done. What goes though the mind of a gambler when they are in the zone.

Hi relapse. Not here to give you advice but just support An to welcome you.. Without a nudge here an there I don't think I would be strong enough. But I will say you have to get past dwelling on your losses as the guilt will only hinder you. We have all been in that brainless zone and it is what it is, as when we don't gamble our brains focus on getting us out of a situation we don't even know how the sensible side of us, could allow to happen. Look forwards an am sure those with many more gamble free days behind them, will give you lots if good advice. Take care Mary

Hi Mary, the guilt is something which will eat me up for a while I'm sure but I am realising this is an illness and I didn't choose it. Work today will be very difficult, it's hard to put on a happy face knowing what I have done. Inside I will be screaming in pain thinking I'm at rock bottom. Today is my pay day and I just feel numb knowing im just starting to save again.. Why did I do it why why why!!

If anyone has any tips to help stop that gut wrenching pain inside please dont hesitate to let me know. I'm so angry with myself for being so stupid to allow myself to lose so much money. I know it's my own fault but I'm so angry at the bookies for allowing me to just keep gambling so much money clearly seeing me in distress.

Hi relapse,

Welcome to gamcare, the place full of wise advice and never ending support.
To start with, put that slip behind you. I know it's easier said than done, but you are the only one keeping that bat and smacking yourself senseless. What this can achieve? Most likely more pain and devastation..you are angry and that's understandable. Relapses are not easy to get over with. I had many in my recovery journey. There are only two options - dig yourself out and give yourself another chance, or keep dwelling on losses and bring yourself down. You coming on here and writing your feelings down is first step in healing process. Please keep venting out and spit that poison from your system.

Gambling establishments could be less advertised but you bein angry on them is not helping you either. We are the ones making wrong choices and nothing in this world will change that - only yourself.

You said you slipped after a while of abstinence and while you was getting better (feeling more old self). Work on those emotions, see what is missing and what could you change on "happy & content" days so you can safely channel your energy and uplifting mood to other direction. Taking up hobbies or simply seeing your friends can change your mindset in an instance. Of course, extra blocks has to be put in place for the vulnerable moments. Sometimes we get into the "gambling state" on good or bad days. Addiction doesn't care how you feel..it won't stop taking at any opportunity it can see.
Physical blocks are equally essential as mental barriers to stop yourself from the next punt.
Self exclude, put blocking software on your devices, let someone you trust to look at your finances for a time being, ..talk to someone you can be open with...all this can help you to move on and understand yourself better.
Help and support is out there, never stop reaching out for it.

Most importantly, forgive yourself for past mistakes and start the brand new clean sheet for your future.

Don't waste any more time looking back, start now...make that change within yourself.
You can do it and you are doing it!

One day at a time..it will get better and you will find the way out. Be kind to you.

Take care

Sandra

Hi Sandra,
Firstly thank you for your response it always helps to hear others point of view. I am sincerely trying to put the thoughts behind me but they are so raw right now and anytime money matters arise I may feel awful. I'm on day 2 and I hate myself currently, I think it is made more difficult by others around me doing so well in life I feel quite a reject. Unfortunately I do link money to self worth alot as it provides me with options. I was trying to save for a deposit on a flat but that has in one mad afternoon been postponed, how long for who knows. I think that is part of the pain having done it before knowing the length of time It will take to fix. Still as you say one day at a time.

Hi Sandra,
Firstly thank you for your response it always helps to hear others point of view. I am sincerely trying to put the thoughts behind me but they are so raw right now and anytime money matters arise I may feel awful. I'm on day 2 and I hate myself currently, I think it is made more difficult by others around me doing so well in life I feel quite a reject. Unfortunately I do link money to self worth alot as it provides me with options. I was trying to save for a deposit on a flat but that has in one mad afternoon been postponed, how long for who knows. I think that is part of the pain having done it before knowing the length of time It will take to fix. Still as you say one day at a time.

Hi relapse life does suck at times. This forum wouldn't be successful if there weren't so many of us who have come to realise every form of gambling takes much much more than it ever gives. It seems a part of our human makeup as it has been our downfall for centuries! But doesn't mean we have to let it continue to ruin our lives.

Hard to put the bitterness about what could have been ref the deposit money but again it's what we all feel like after. We wonder why the hell didn't we walk away when we were either slightly up or getting into that mindset of no return? But it's happened an you must stop the guilt. Praise yourself for stopping now an every pound you don't spend on gambling is an unblemished one.

Stay strong we are all here to support. Mary

Hi,
I have been through this before but not to the extent of this value but I am trying to draw strength from past efforts such as 8 months without a bet ending last year. I am also trying to be happy at the fact my debt is virtually nothing I have a bit on am overdraft but very small which I can clear this month but obviously the loss of all the savings has hurt badly. Bitterness and that Sick feeling is hard to shake but I know time heals well. I am afraid that I have this inside me but this is the third major relapse and gambling loss i have had in the last 5 years and this has to end now. When in the middle of euphoric wins this dark said does not exist to us, couldn't possibly happen but deep down we know there is a chance. I do feel comfortable with other forms of gambling, the lottery once in a while is no issue, just roulette that is the problem I've always known it.

Once again a sign of the damage this can cause has appeared, asked to go to a social club at the weekend I immediately have declined knowing how much I have lost. Few days ago this wouldn't have been a problem and I would have had a great time, can't justify it now though. I would say this is a common effect on most gamblers who have encountered problems

A few demons beginning to creep in today as expected...that voice saying a good winning streak can solve all of this and bring back the happiness. I know this is incorrect but what makes these thoughts powerful is the fact I have done it before, been on the brink and recovered with a big win. If this had never happened I wouldn't have thought like this ever. It's how it gets you so no..not this time.

I won 8k on slots. Told family, treated them, bought a car for 5k an thought I could be happy spending a bit of what was left. Ended up losing 4k but to win that 8k had spent 2k but family think I still had at least 2k left in bank. Feel stupid thinking back but feel good about myself now as an doing something about it. Having to build up the savings to get my teeth done an holiday. Yes like you say we sometimes get that big win but we always always give back more than we win.

Try an remember how you felt being normal for those 8 months an i bet the children an family saw a more relaxed happier person. Don't do this just for yourself do it for them. Stay strong an push those demons back to hell where they belong! Take care Mary

Hi Mary, well made it through the day at work, felt numb inside but dealt with it ok, hoping it's not just denial. You are right you always end up giving more back, I am lucky in some ways as I have no children therefore I alone feel this pain, I told my father before and yes when I was sorted for 8 months there was a distinct difference in me I was told. I will try hard to not give in today I am taking full responsibility for all my actions. Thank you for all the responses

Woken up today with what should have been a great weekend, plans to go out plans to buy myself things all completely ruined by my actions this week. That pit of the stomach sickness is very raw again. It's going to be very hard to dust myself down this time and go again. Hate myself for allowing this to happen again, did I learn nothing from my previous relapses