Somewhere to log my recovery from poker addiction

Quick check in as haven't been on for a while.

On my way to Chester for a meeting with a big hotel group. Sitting backwards on a virgin train and feeling sick....!

So first big challenge of payday (27th Feb) is completed. usually when I've given up this is when I've come unstuck as I see the balance and think ''what's £50 for a poker Tourno?'. I'll just play one Tourno, NOT play cash and ill be fine. Obviously we all know that if I did that it will end up being a 3 day secretive binge, resulting in sleepless nights and urges to play ALL day.

Thankfully, I chose not to go down this horrible inevitable path this time. I put a decent amount into. My ISA (which I don't have a card for ), paid the bills and invested in some more stock for my online retail store.

I probably bought more stock than I can really afford, but It's kind of a way of keeping the money safe...as I know ill sell it eventually, and once it's in stock form I can't gamble it!!

So that's 11 days of the girlfriend being away....with 2 extreme hangovers AND payday where I've avoided gambling. Need to pat myself on the back, as these were huge RED ALERT times. I'd always usually play on a hangover if the lady was away to escape the horrible depressed and useless feeling you get.

Joined the gym as a friend needs to train someone for 3 months for free to get his level free personal trainer certification. Hoping this will finally give me a reason to go as I've always been so slack. Back has been playing up in tennis, so he thinks this will help build it up so its stronger in the future and I don't have so many issues. It will also get the endorphins flowing....natural high/buzz = less need to get the buzz from poker. I hope!!

Hope everyone is doing well...I will get around to reading some diarys over the next few days.

All the best,

PK

So it's been a while since I posted.

Things are still going well.

No gambling whatsoever and although I've had a few cravings I feel like they are starting (slowly) to go away.

I know it will always be a risk that I'll relapse and I need to remind myself to keep my guard firmly up.

Having a bit of a tough time with my girlfriend at the moment, which is getting me down...but really need to not let that affect me and not let myself gamble as an escape from it.

NOTHING good will from that....only pain, misery and lies. Not fun!

I've currently got the flu so off work and sitting around all day on my own. Has historically been a dangerous time but been watching lots of family guy (set up record of the double bill on BBC Three 😉 and also watching films on Netflix. £6.99 is a lot cheaper entertainment than £500 which I would have lost playing poker!!

Hope everyone is getting on ok. Big shout out to those that have commented on my diary thus far. Your words and support mean a great deal, so thank you VERY much

All the best,

PK - HAS QUIT - Last bet Feb 01st 2013

Hey PK,

Good to hear from you, sounds like your doing great, except for the bug. Get some good old hot chicken soup a boiling and *** a egg in it. Let it cook up good, egg drop soup my friend, good for ya. Glad you have some movies to buy some time, kick back and relax, enjoy your sobriety my friend.

Chicagoguy

Hey PK Kid

Im sorry i havent been around

My excitement of getting engaged wasgreat

However i quickly ruined it by falling off the wagon and putting myself in debt hell

Hanging onto the edge barely here, and to be honest theres about an 80% chance its all going to fall to pieces

Anyways enough about me

You are still going strong

Im not going to lie, im really jealous

But im really plased for you and i need to use you as an inspiration

We have the same backround, the same types of jobs and we obviously life a similar life

But here you are gamble free for nearly 2 months and heres me back with my tail between my legs after spending the last 2 weeks binging on poker tables going up and down up and down like a yo yo

I love it when winning, hated when losing and then i couldnt buy a hand or a win.

Lost every race and i have only myself to blame

As much as you are an inspiration to me i hope my sad plight is another example of why you are doing the RIGHT thing by staying away from the tables

Maybe in a couple of months i can be proud like you.

Youre a good guy on the biggest winning streak of your life...it 2 months and counting and you should be very proud 🙂

NI

Chicago, thanks buddy...love the sound of the drop soup! I cooked a chicken the other day but didn't keep it to make stock. Well do next time!

Hey NI,

Firstly, I can tell you I've relapsed MANY times when I thought I had it sorted. I really know how you feel and it's so upsetting, really gets me down.

I'm not 'better' than you, you've just had a slip. Oddly these slips can happen when you're down AND when you're feeling great. Probably you rewarded yourself for the engagement with a little poker thinking somehow you could just play a little...and before you knew it you're doing 7 hour binges. So sickening, but there is light at the end of the tunnel as you know as you quit for a good stint before you got engaged.

What I can say is it feels amazing to not be lying to my GF or friends and family. They would often say 'any urges to gamble' and I'd probably have lost 1000's that week alone. I'd just say 'nope actually, all good' knowing lying through my teeth.

My finances have improved so much in just 2 months of no poker. I'm really shocked how quick you can get back on track.

You really need to think of another way to get the rush you get from poker mate. That's the key i think. I've joined the gym as a mate is a personal trainer as has agreed to train me 4 times a week for free. I've always joined gyms then cancelled as they are not really me, but it does get endorphins going and afterwards your pumped AND not feeling that horrible guilt.

So, you're at another mini crossroads in your life mate. Either you carry in with the self destruct button and sadly you probably will loose the lady ( even if this happens is still fixable' ) OR you make sure from tomorrow you won't gamble. You know the score....take it day by day, cancel accounts etc

Try and look into a CITY BANK card mate. Apparently there current account doesn't allow any online gambling transactions. I tried to apply for one ages go but they kept needed me to take ID to Canary Wharf and I gave up. Still it's worth a shot

Good luck pal, and I'm not sure where you live, but if you're near London I'd happily meet you for a pint? Would be pretty good to meet someone who has had such a bad addiction to poker that I have.

All the best

PK

Hey PK

Thanks for your great post pal, lots of good points in there and i take them all on board

I dont want to push the self destruct button 9any further) and i know how dangerous the situation is

Along with trying to manage not gambling day by day im trying to just get through each day financially and making sure no one finds out

Not a fun combination!

I installed betfilter onto both my laptops.

It cost £45 and is uninstallable and wont expire until next March

That should help things in the meantime

I posted on my own page what im conidering doing to ressurect my finances because im in payday loan hell here

I was just losing...wongaing....losing....wongaing some more until i maxed at the £1000 mark

Grim!

As for a pint, that would be great but unfortunately im in snowy Northern Ireland so thats probably unlikely

If you were ever interested on having a natter on facebook chat or something like that id be more than happy to send my page

You can let me know what you think about that, or even a few emails or something

As you said its good to talk to someone whos had the same problems

Ryan

So another quite long period of not logging on.

Feeling a little tempted to log on and play poker tonight which is the first real urge in ages. Amazing that it can just come out of nowhere and start niggling at your mind. The same old sounds of 'just put in £50 and limit it at that'...'only play small stakes'.

Broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years last weekend, ON my 30th birthday. These things often seem to happen at milestone moments. It had been coming for a while, but has still been a traumatic week and she has been up in Scotland at her mums for the last four days. Trying to keep busy and stay strong emotionally for my own sanity but also so gambling doesn't get it's hooks in again. NOT letting that happen, hence I came here and posted instead.

I've been working REALLY hard on my online commerce business and its going really well, and can't stand the idea that I may risk losing the money I've made so far.

I last gambled on 01st Feb so really chuffed I've gone this far....even though people think I've done MUCH longer.

Anyways, that's it for now. I've got a week of sofa surfing to give the ex some space in our flat. Not ideal but right thing to do.

Hope everyone is doing well in their own battles with gambling and survived not betting on the national....I had no urge at all thankfully. Even though horse were not my thing I'd ALWAYS have £50 on that race and had no interest at all. Played golf all day and didn't even think about the race or betting.

Take care all

Hey Pokerkidwantstoquit,

Stay strong you've come to far to give back in to it. I know your having a tuff go with the G.f., but try to keep your mind busy and yourself. Gambling will do nothing for us compulsive gamblers, but continue to torment are everyday living. You don't need it, stand strong for yourself and log on here if need the support. Hang in there, and a big congrats on how far you have come.

Chicagoguy

Checking in...

Still no poker since 01st Feb which I'm thrilled about.

However, broke up with the girlfriend a week ago and she's moved out now. Getting those horrible niggles to play again. Even though I'm keeping busy I can't be out seeing friends every night and when I'm in on my own I start thinking about it. Seems loneliness is a big trigger for me so gotta keep control of it.

Came here and read my original post and it had the desired affect so NOT going to be weak and give in to the easy option!!

Hope everyone is doing well and keeping strong 🙂

Poker kid

Checking in...

Still no poker since 01st Feb which I'm thrilled about.

However, broke up with the girlfriend a week ago and she's moved out now. Getting those horrible niggles to play again. Even though I'm keeping busy I can't be out seeing friends every night and when I'm in on my own I start thinking about it. Seems loneliness is a big trigger for me so gotta keep control of it.

Came here and read my original post and it had the desired affect so NOT going to be weak and give in to the easy option!!

Hope everyone is doing well and keeping strong 🙂

Poker kid

Well, wednesday will be 3 months....feeling VERY proud of myself 🙂

Managed to deal with a hectic break up, busy work, looking for a house....all without being tempted to gamble which is a big achievement for me.

I'm currently on a surf trip in Portugal with my brother and for once not worrying abut every penny I spent. You see I always went on holidays when I was gambling as I didn't want people knowing why I couldn't go, so I somehow scrapped the money together or paid on Credit. However, the whole holiday if be worrying that I'd hit my limits and I couldn't really enjoy it because of this.

I'd even have been sat here secretly playing poker on my ipad after dinner sometimes....while everyone enjoyed wine and after dinner fun downstairs!! SAD!!

So here's to FREEDOM...BUT NOT THINKING I'VE BEATEN THIS. The urges are there...but when I'm weak ill keep coming here, keep reading others posts, and keep reading my very historical posts to see how bad I got and how much I wanted to change.

But for now, here's to 3 months clean, money in the bank.....and 7 foot waves rolling in 100 meters away and ready to be ripped up!!

Take care all, and good luck in your challenges

Well done fella

Hey pokerkidwantstoquit,

Great job on your dedication and hard work. Enjoy the waves you deserve it. Much congrats!

Chicagoguy

Thanks so much Chicago and thanks for you continued support. Means a lot.

Hope you're doing well and all is good over the pond?

Well done poker kid for staying strong through these tough times your resistance is brilliant keep it up my friend 3 months is great I'm on 78 days so not far behind let's beat this 🙂

The bear