starting again

Just back to the beginning rock bottom no money again have two bills I can't pay and my son's birthday next week and have to pay for cake cards presents. Suppose to be going out this weekend but that won't be happening now tried to get a loan but no one will give me one. Hit rock bottom again
Feel low and drained I let gambling beat me all the time.

Hi i also had a bad today and am starting again. I needed someone to talk too so i chatted with a counsellor here. Feeling a bit better but still very raw. I have decided to get stuck into my diary again and reach out to people for support. You know it feels good to not gamble as do i so lets do this.

Hi dez,

Thanks for writing in my diary. It is a hard thing to beat but we are here and we acknowledge we have a problem.

Do you control your finances? I feel like a failure as my wife controls money but i know i cannot trust myself.

Good luck in your recovery.
Toad.

Hi toad,unfortunatley yet predictably my marriage broke down due to gambling which to this day hurts like hell. We tried to stop my gambling by putting barriers in place which is why i mentioned the familiar tell tale signs of gambling working on me. I became agitated,frustrated,angry,argumentitave so i could wear the wife down to access cash....be aware mate.

You don't let gambling beat u all of the time. You beat it for more than 160 days! Massive achievement. U've come back from it once and u can do it again.

Blocks in place, hand over finance, breath, one day at a time.

Thanks for the reply I called up my car insurance to see if I could pay at a later date but they said no which left me having to ask my dad to lend me some which I haven't done before. Knowing that I can pay my bill and get through the next couple weeks is abit of pressure off me. The site I gambled on was a associated with another which I self excluded and they told me all my money was forfeited so I could never off won anything any way was just going straight to them win or lose. I have contacted them to get this money back as I think it's totally unfair knowing they would just take my money. I'm starting a fresh no more chasing I do not want to be back here it messed me up gambling again. 6months free from gambling and within a couple weeks nearly wrecked everything again. I will stay strong and fight through it all again. I can never win because I cannot stop which is absolutely true I did win but I never ever withdraw and when I did try to withdraw it said I couldn't until 48hrs after initial deposit. They are thieving companys they make it so easy for you to play but as soon as u win they make it so hard for u to get your winnings.
I do know it's my fault that I have a problem but they do make things so hard odds are always stacked against you which is another reason we can't win.
On to day one again and for the final time. Never do I want this stress in my life again. X

U know it 🙂 1 day at a time

Day 4 no urges on my own this evening so gona just do housework and watch a film nice chilled evening

Day 5 🙂

Hey NML

You had a blip but you don't have to return to the cycle. I think like me you got to the stage where you nearly forgot how bad it is. Fortunately so far I've managed to stop myself. Feeling lonely, bored and a bit depressed is a bad recipie for us addicts and we sometimes self destruct at the worst moments. You mentioned your son's birthday. I once gambled all my money the day before I was taking my lad on holiday. What I was thinking of God knows. I know that I would have carried on if I hadn't got help. Please get help as soon as the thought enters your head next time. Wishing you all the best x

Thank you down appreciate your reply. I know I don't want to go down that road again I know how it feels to gamble and not to gamble and I know what feels best.
Disheartening having to start over but I have done it once I'm sure I can do it again. My relapse turnt into a bit if a binge lost money then just wanted to chase it all back and when I won lost it all anyway it's a reminder for myself that matter what I cannot win.
Managed to sort my son's birthday out would have like to have got him more but will make Xmas more special.
I suppose when we're in gambling mode we just lose ourselves and the rational part and can't stop.
Day 7.
Keep going down you should be so proud of yourself x

Day 12 no urges

One more sleep to 2 weeks gf! 🙂 Onwards and upwards!

Back today one self excluded. Have managed to pay most bills so far and have abit of money to last through the month. Same old story compulsive and don't think back to day one.

Good to see you back and reverting back to no more losing 🙂 u did it before and u can do it again. 1 day at a time.