Starting again, again,.

enjoy London Pat...wrap up warm...keep posting x

130 days.

Another weekend passes by, the days and weeks are flying.

I took part in a charity 5k yesterday, it is the first bit i have done since november and i thought i would never see the finish. I was thinking i had being over doing the junk food since i stopped betting and not that i needed proof but yesterday showed me how bad i gotten. Stood on the scales this morning and weighed in at 18.5 stone, have a realtively big frame, not that tall but can carry 15 stone comfortably, new challenge is loose 3.5 stone. again it will be a day by day thing so lets see where i am when 175 days gamble free, 1st of march here i come.

Hope all's well in London. Hope the hotel's posh and comfy.

It was interesting reading about your dream...funny how the brain tries to work it all out. I read once that there's a tribe somewhere that believe that the waking state is not real, and that dreams are reality. They are able to do 'lucid dreaming', you know, when you can control your dream because you realise it's a dream. Wish I could dream away my ex-gambling life!

You should be getting home soonish, hope the trip was successful in every way, but especially in one!

I hope all is well with you, Pat, and your time in London was a success - in every way. Perhaps a quick update would quell my worry?

137 days and im going strong.

Had a good few days in London, no gambling at all. Things are going really well, busy at work, very happy at home. Not gambling has made this happen and there is now way i am going back to my old ways. Had my college course this weekend, i realised that i am a little behind on this so i really need to give it a bit more time and effort, assignments due in soon so lots of late nights in the next 10 days.

I hit 20 weeks gamble free this thursday and that thought makes me very happy. The debt is not moving much at the moment as i have numerous family birthdays in Jan & Feb but once March lands it will be full steam ahead.

Keep strong everyone, live the life you want to live.

Thanks for your post,much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed your trip to london,and life is moving in the right direction. Your debts will disappear in time,like mine will,as long as we stay gamble free. Keep strong my friend.

Sounds like you are doing well Pat, it just seems to show what can be achieved with willpower, keep it going, stay strong, 20 weeks on Thursday will me a massive achievement!!

Paul

Managed to hit twenty last friday,have a good day on thursday

Denis

What are you studying at college?

Continued good wishes to you and your impressive recovery

140 days 20 weeks.

Had a bit of a mini meltdown duing the week. got paid on tuesday and by the time i paid all the bills there was not much left, so another long wait until next month. the speed at which my account emptied and the size of my debt hit me like a ton of bricks. i found myself making my excuses and heading for bed very early the last few nights, the recurring questing running through my head while in bed was... who do you ask for help when you dont know whats wrong with you..... i just felt very low, and was not really sure why..

Anyway woke up this morning and realised i have just clocked up 20 weeks without gambling so much as a penny. That brought a big smile to my face. my son is 12 today so that really helped my frame of mind, he is a fantastic boy that i am so proud of and love so much. having a family party tonight at home so cant wait to finish work today.

I guess we all have our good days and bad days, i know i had a few bad ones this week but i guess the positive is i did not gamble, 21 weeks ago i would have.

Keep strong everyone.

Hi Pat,

Congratulations on the 20 weeks! Just 2 for me but reading your diary makes me think it is possible to keep going!

I too have been going to bed earlier and earlier, I used to be such a night owl but since I stopped I don't want to be awake anymore thinking things over in my head.

When asking for help I reckon there are plenty of people here who can give you support and one person in particular and that is you, you are stronger than you think, you have helped me and others with your posts and most importantly of all you have helped yourself, you are doing great, hang in there.

Paul

Well done on clocking up 143 days. Not long to six months now.

Sorry about your feeling low. I know that YOU know, but I'm going to say it anyway, 'I know how you feel'. Sometimes I think about the debts and it's like a kick in the b0110x, but the only thing you can do is not dwell on it because it doesn't do any good.

I'll tell you something; firstly, I AM WELL so this past tense story doesn't apply to the present, but about 5 weeks ago I thought I was having trouble breathing and I went to the quacks. He diagnosed COPD, better known as lung disease (I'm an ex-smoker), and sent me for tests. Well, the tests were negative (that means I don't have it, in fact my lungs were 96%) and I'm OK now. Likely it was chest or lung infection mixed with anxiety (we'll never know because I had to wait 2 weeks for the tests, by which time it had starting clearing up.)

Point is, for two weeks I thought my cards were marked, and my perspective changed completely. COPD is manageable, but horrible at the end (shan't describe it here, but it's the one when people eventually wear oxygen tanks), so I was thinking about my unborn, my toddler and so on, and gambling seemed like a crazy jack-5h1t world that has no part in my life. Incidentally, I used to have the odd cig here and there (like, last year I reckon I smoked 40 total), but there's nothing like the threat of death to wake one up to the facts.

Reason for this ramble is just that, as you know, the debts are a terrible reminder of what we were, but we have to live for now and for the future. It's a heavy load sometimes, but it can be lightened by celebrating what we've gained.

day 146.

Have had a few up and down weeks, not sure why but everylittle thing is getting to me at the moment and my mood just keeps getting worse and worse. feel like ive being in a bad mood for ages now and even im sick of me so my poor OH must be on the edge with me. i feel like things are going to just to keep buppling up until i burst/lash out/ gamble .... Not sure why i feel this way so not sure how to sort it out.... I know i wont bet but something in my head is telling me something is going to give soon .... i guess i just got to keep going, day by day...

Keep strong all.

Hiya Pat...just popping in to say its great that you are getting all your thoughts and feelings out on here. I think your doing really well and keeping focussed... just keep posting..the good the bad and the ugly..take care ..day at a time