Starting off my journey

Hi wiga and welcome to the forum buddy , great advice from Deano there and I would follow the advice to put blocks in place like self excluding from bookies or gambling sites that you use , it will just make it a bit more difficult to gamble if and when you get the urges , really good news that your being so honest with your wife as gambling loves all the secrecy , maybe think about handing control of your money to her if you haven't already done so ? . Your honesty has lifted the weight from your shoulders so be proud of that my friend and keep positive and take one day at a time . Best wishes. .... Alan

Right now I have self excluded etc . Gunna look into finding an app to restrict access to the sites also I am gunna do everything to not go back to that dark place again

Also I have snapped up the bank card and have her control over everything

Thank you for the advice all my gambling was done online as I don't go into betting shops I haven't been drawn towards the shops ever which is strange I no . I couldn't justify handing the cash itself over the counter but online you don't physically see the money as it just numbers I hope you understand that

It's so easy to access online it's there staring at you in the face in pretty much every site your on . Even in the tv it's advertised everywhere . It's wrong . I'm determined and I am going to see this through I am going to beat it and when I do I would love to help others beat this addiction too

Good positivity Wigga , it's the same in the high street with a bookies every twenty yards . It does get easier my friend and in time those adverts will sicken you in a way that you begin not to notice them ! Stay well and keep posting . Best wishes .AL

They sicken me now there set up and specifically designed to target vulnerable people . It's disgusting but gambling is big money to this country so it's always gunna be pushed and made to look appealing especially to the younger generation when in reality nothing good comes of it only hurt . My Mrs said earlier on that she is going to stand by me through this which is another massive positive for me I now just have to earn her trust and faith in me again which is going to take time . But I no when all is said and done and I come out of this dark tunnel I am climbing out of that I will be a better and stronger man

I'm sure you will my friend , it's a journey with a bumpy road at times but one that's well worth the effort in making . I'm coming up for 200 days of being gamble free and the changes that stopping gambling have brought to my life are immeasurable , it's like being reborn and as I know what's waiting for you , I can tell you that your gonna love it ! Take care fella !

Thanks Alan . That feeling of being reborn is there the sad reality for me is the last year were my gambling got to a bad state I missed out on time with my kids I would push my eldest little girl away when all she wanted was my attention . I haven't really focused on my youngest and her development because I was to wrapped up with online gambling on my phone . But the other day when I made that decision to stop I was at home with my youngest little girl and the smiles on her face an just watching her play with her toys and everything overwhelmed me it was like a new found sense of pride . I can't get back that time I have effectively missed out on that time has more value in my eyes than any amount of money ever would .but I can say now I won't be missing out no more . All I need to do if I do feel like I am slipping back is look at my 2 girls they need there daddy there and not some shadow of a man that I had become

Thats exactly the way I looked at it , it really didn't matter about the money because it comes and goes throughout our life and in time the money lost can be replaced by earning and working hard but the time I spent in the bookies is gone forever .

The way I've moved forward with my recovery is by letting it all go , I can't change the past but I can make a change in the way I now live my life , my kids are much older I've a daughter of 30 and a son of 20 but I now spend much more time speaking and engageing in conversation and when they speak to me I'm actually listening instead of thinking about what excuse i could make to slip away to the bookies !.

Theres a quote that floats around here " It's ok to look back , but just don't stare " and I think thats what we need to do accept , forgive and move on , were all human and by nature humans make mistakes , so don't beat yourself up , just learn from it and become the dad and husband your kids and your wife need and the man you want to become .

Day 3 .instead of waking up and being straight on my phone to look at the horses I woke up and the first thing I did was make the kids breakfast and then post on here this helps sat here right now with both my little girls watching kids programmes and to be completely honest nothing beats this . I don't need to have a bet now because from now on I'm going to be a winner everyday through being the best dad and partner I can .

Day 4 . Starting to feel some normality back in my life again I no it's early days but surely that's a good sign right ? It's a Saturday and normally I would be picking out my bets right now fir the day . But instead iv been none stop thinking about wanting a fry up . I no that's strange . I no what I'd rather be thinking about and it ain't the four legged money grabbers . What a fool I have been thinking I could beat the bookies . My councilling session the other day opened my eyes to a few things highlighted problems in my past that I am now trying to face too . Through times like this though you do realise who is there for you and supporting you . This is day 4 of the journey and I can feel part of myself again

Day 5 now still going strong spending today tidying the house up with the other half . Something I have neglected for the past year and just let her do . I have been a right #### to her through this with all the secrets and lies she never deserved any of it when all she has ever done is be there for me . Anyway it's early days still but for now things are on the up and I won't be dragged back down no matter what

Day 6 no gambling . No thoughts of gambling either . Not much else I can say . I'm not sure if it's normal after 6 days or weather at some point it's gunna try an sneak up on me . But right now All I can think of is the neglect and lies I have put my family through they never deserved it any of it there the ones who deserve my full undivided attention . And for the last year they haven't had it . I have missed out on time with my other half and my kids through this that's time I will never get back that's what hurts time is something you can't put a price on . Each day that goes by that I don't gamble I am a winner because it's another day that my family are getting the benefit of having me there in body and mind . I will not let this bring me back down to where I was this is day 6 of my journey I will be me again