Stephan's Story

That is a very touching story and one I can relate to. Although much older than you, I have done exactly the same, I have a family who loves me and who will do anything for me. I excluded myself from all the casinos in town, that lasted 15 months and I was in the process of sorting myself out when I made the error of going back into a casino. Result is, I lost twice as much as I did the previous time when I lost control, we are never going to be the winners, remember that. I too get thoughts of suicide but they are only thoughts and I would never act upon them as my family certainly do not deserve that. And, if you think about it logically, far rather come clean to them so they can help you. I know that's easier said than done and I haven't took that step yet. I feel I've got to get some order back before considering that. I understand you're guilt only too well too and I think that is another reason why we can't come clean. I only joined yesterday and feel speaking with people who understand what I going through will be enormously helpful. I am going to devote my time and effort into sorting myself out, stopping this crazy addiction and like you look forward to 'giving' back to my family and loved ones who have only ever loved me and helped and trusted me. Keep at it, winning is now all about getting your life back.

Hi again Stephan , I spoke with you last night and just wanted to stop off andwelcome you to the Diarys page , I'm glad youv'e taken the plunge and started putting down your thoughts ( great first post by the way) regarding your recovery , time now to accept the past , leave it behind you and focus on your exams as that's where your future lies .

I wish you well my friend with the exams and your continued recovery !

Best wishes .....................Alan

You need to 100% smash these exams mate especially if you know there's a job waiting for you afterwards! You are not worthless you have a golden opertunity to correct your mistakes and it's not gonna be easy but take one day at a time bud everything will be great when you come out the other side of all this!!

Thanks all.

Met with the counsellor at uni today. Spent an hour just discussing everything, shed a fair few tears and have signed up for 6 more sessions. Managed to concentrate on my studies for the first time in ages. I decided not to take a bail out from my cousin after advice from the counsellor and will just deal with the financial consequences of my actions. Although this will affect me in the short term, apparently you need to experience this stress. Bail outs make you more inclined to gamble again.

Thanks for all the support, going to get my head down now for the next couple of weeks and focus on what is a great opportunity to turn my life around. I will post again soon and wish you all luck and strength in the mean time. All the best, Stephan

My Story: post 2.

Back to square 1. I got my student loan in and paid off all my mates that I owed from my last binge. I had £300 left over which my mum is relying on and I blew it. Starting to feel more and more ill every time. I've realised now just how big my problem is. The good news is that it was 'only' £300. There was a time when I would have blown my rent money and all the money that was owed to other people. I've decided to sell my iPhone, this will make back that £300 and will take away the device that i gamble on most frequently. Dreaming of a day when I can be free of this illness. I have my next counselling session on Friday and I really want to go to the counsellor and tell her I've been 6 days gamble free.

Hey young man
Don't beat yourself up....yes it's a slip up....but learn from it....total honesty is the only way....sell your phone...give the cash to mum it will show her you are serious about dealing with this
addiction....and it will also
remove another section of the triangle to stop you gambling...use an old style phone ...ok...I know its not ideal...and easy for me to say....but if your serious about stopping....do it !
I only gambled online slots on my laptop....yes it was a huge rench....but i gave it to my daughter...so its not in the house....yes it was hard to do because it was over...no more chance to gamble....so it was final in a way.....but now 100 odd days gamble free life's amazing....you're can be to....but you have to want it.....good luck...I really wish you well x

Hi Lego... I don't want this to come across as having a pop but I see too many similarities in your tale to my own tale so I want to pass on some words. You can't win at gambling. I mean deep down really and honestly you can't win at gambling. After everything you've been through you spend that £300 because you're still thinking you can win. It's not until you realise that the game is up and they've won that you will be able to move on. Just weigh it up in your mind. The fact you said 'only' is again very similar to my own tale... I've lost £10k over past year so what difference is losing £10.3k if this bet doesn't work out. Then fast forward another month.. i've lost £10.3k so what difference is losing £10.8k and repeat and repeat and repeat. I'll try to post you a bit more to offer some support and highlight a few things but you're early in the journey and it takes a long time.. I'm just trying to speed some thing up for you to save you another £7,500 credit card balance.

A well paid job can be a nemisis as well as it just means more cash to gamble with. The more I have earned the more I have gambled and that's not just in value terms it's in terms of percentage of salary as everything increases exponentially so doubling your salary can see you trebling your gambling.

Please don't take this post the wrong way - I'm not high and mighty in any way, shape or form. I've just been around the block with gambling and relapsing and want to offer some words of warning. Stay safe.

Hi guys,

Thanks for your words. Congratulations on 100 days Loxxie. I am selling the phone on enviro phone and will go 4 months until my next upgrade with a simple phone that has no internet capabilities. I am very serious about doing this now, I want to do it for me. I want to be able to take my girlfriend for dinner, I want to go travelling again, I want to be able to watch the football with my mates without becoming bitterly depressed when my bet that I couldn't afford doesn't come in. I want to be writing on someone else's post in 98 days time saying I'm 100 days gamble free. I want to see no fear in my mothers eyes when she says ''be good' as she drops me back at uni. Right now i know she is worrying about me every day. At 22, I've experienced more than my fair share of stressful days, of feeling worried and nervous. I see homeless people on the streets and I know that I am just months away from that. I am 2 days gamble free, I will never be cured, but I will not gamble today and I will not gamble tomorrow. One day at a time I will get there

Hey Lego....great to hear my love...and well done on the days....yes it's early and I know dam well it's hard....but you can do it....imagine the look on your mum's face when you pay her back some of that money....priceless....and when your lovely girlfriend id say opposite you at dinner somewhere....your young sweetheart....grab your life back and live it...don't give anymore of your heart...soul...time ...or money to the vile addiction....it will get easier my love as the days rack up....and you will feel great....just take one day at a time....then a week etc....and you will soon be as old as me ! : ) lol x

Hey Lego....how's it going....have you made mum smile yet xxx

4 days gamble free now and feeling positive. I have given my mum £200 which felt good. I'm feeling very stressed though because I'm overdrawn in my bank account and I'm being charged daily. I won't be earning any money now for some time. I'm getting over it by thinking that the £85 a month charge is far leas than I would lose gambling and it's only a matter of time until I pay it off. Got another day of studying ahead. It's hard to focus with so much in my head, but these exams are my best chance of a new life so I've got to do my best. First one is in a week today. Hope you're all doing well with your own recoveries and thanks Loxxie for continuing to check up on me. I feel like I have another set of parents being on this site. It's nice to know people care and that we're all in this together

Good for you Lego...maybe worth a call to the bank...explain situation...they will have heard it all before...worth a shot !
Yes....you crack on with that studying young man. ..your whole life's just waiting to happen...clear your head and focus on your future...your doing great and can beat this vile addiction.....I will be checking up on you...lol....'"" cyber mum " : ) x

Hi Lego, I second what loxxie has said here. I hid away from gambling for years and years but this time I have decided hiding isn't an option. I called all my credit card companies and my bank and told them of my issues. I was amazed at how understanding they were. Give them a call....explain your situation. What's the worst that can happen? Maybe they say no and you end up where you are now....its not going to make it any worse though.

Good luck and keep those days going up.

Another day gone, another day that I didn't gamble. life without a smart phone is actually okay, nothing to distract me from my studies. Tonight i had a bath and rather than desperately chasing my losses playing roulette from my phone, I read a few more chapters of a book I've been meaning to finish for a while. I used to have baths to escape into my own little world, and gambling was that escape, but I'd forgotten how much more powerful a good book could be. My girlfriend and many of my mates have said how proud they are that I've gotten rid of my phone, it's quite a big thing for a young lad to do I guess, but I felt I needed to just to remove all temptation to place a spotaneous bet. Up early and in the gym, then the library tomorrow. Life is on the up, but I've been here before and I know just how quickly things can spiral downwards. I'm ready this time to beat the demons when they come knocking. We can and will win this fight!