Stephan's Story

Oh and I called my bank and they're looking into whether they can reduce my charges. Thnaks for the advice there guys!!

Smart move getting rid of the smart phone. They do make it easier to gamble just keep you guard up and make sure you don't swap one style of gambling for another. Great you have told your family it's a big step and crucial to aid your recovery.

Keep close you diary and share your thoughts on here and read lots in here.

Good luck with the study you will be able to focus now rather than worrying about you next beg or the big loss that has come before.

KTF

Have a good day Lego...
Hit those study books : )

Thanks Oldham and Loxxie for your messages. They do pick me up and I hope you're both doing good! I find mornings a really difficult time. I don't have urges to gamble, but I just find it hard to get up and about. I feel so down and alone in the mornings. I just want to get these exams over and go home. My friends at uni don't really understand me and don't understand this addiction, only my gf and my mates back home really know how to suppport me. I know eventually i'll be happy in my own company again, but right now i just crave the constant support of my loved ones. I'm sat here close to tears just wanting to be with my mum. Pathetic for a 22 year old lad to be in this state. Oh well, I must get going and have another porductive gamble free day. I'll be going home at the weekend, so just a couple more days to get through. Best wishes all

Hey young man...nothing pathetic in all those feelings ...your going through a tough time in your life...uni...away from home..exams...missing mum and girlfriend.....and trying to cope with an addiction....and you are bound to feel all over the place....well done for coming on here and letting it all out....you hang on in there love...the weekend will soon be here...whenever you feel a bit lonely....come on here and find one of us old f***s ! Lol....x

When I wake up in the morning I will officially be 1 week free of gambling!!

Saw the counsellor again today, I really recommend counselling to anyone struggling with addiction, just having an impartial face to talk to works wonders. I have been reading alot of the stories on here from the families of CGs and I think this is a good thing to do because it reminds me of the heartache my gambling puts my loved ones through. I think as gamblers we often become a bit selfish and think this addiction is our problem alone, but it isn't, it affects everyone in our world. I have now come home for a few days and I can sense how worried my dad is about me and this is a huge motivation to continue my recovery. I want my family to stop hurting and worrying and that will come as the days rack up. I've been struggling with feelings of regret the last few days, I just wish I could go back and tell my 18 year old self not to go to the casino for the first time. I wish I'd never gambled, how much simpler my life would be now. `I just need to try and accept that I am who I am. I am a compulsive gambler, it has ruined my early 20s, but it won't continue to destroy me. The past is done, but the future can be bright. Here's to another gamble free week!

when I wake up I will be 10 days free of gambling and a few weeks since I really lost control and felt incredibly low. I'm feeling ready for my first exam! With my phone gone and with no urges to gamble i've been more focused than ever on my work and I really feel like I'm beginning to turn my life around. I'm all too aware that it's still very early days and I need to take it one day at a time, but I'm beginning to dream again. I feel like a I might have actually cracked it this time and I have a viable plan to get my life back on track. All secracy has gone, my mum is now reading my diary and my addiction has no where to hide. Addiction thrives on secracy, according to my counsellor, and taking away that ability to be decietful is like taking oxygen away from a fire. I think she may be right and I'd fully advise all CGs to give control of their finances to a loved one. I'm lucky in the sense that I can't get secret loans or credit cards, as no one will give a student with an awful credit rating any money, therefore having complete transparency when it comes to my finances is easy. I just hope I'm strong enough to bat the urges away when they do come knocking, but with the support of you guys and my family, I think I will be. I hope everyone reading this is doing okay and if you're not, then just know that i was a wreck only a couple of weeks ago, you just need to seek out help and stop today

A poem that really explains the craziness of addiction. I won't be burning my wings anymore.

“The Moth don't care when he sees The Flame.
He might get burned, but he's in the game.
And once he's in, he can't go back, he'll
Beat his wings 'til he burns them black...
No, The Moth don't care when he sees The Flame. . .
The Moth don't care if The Flame is real,
'Cause Flame and Moth got a sweetheart deal.
And nothing fuels a good flirtation,
Like Need and Anger and Desperation...
No, The Moth don't care if The Flame is real. . . ”
― Aimee Mann

Two exams down, 4 to go. I feel as though the first two went okay and I'm on track to turn things around. I can't help feeling really down at times though. Today I just feel constantly close to tears. My credit card bill has gone out, which has put me £250 overdrawn. I now have no money in any of my accounts and my parents can't help me. I don't even know how I will eat this week. I haven't gambled in over two weeks which feels amazing, but the effects of my previous binges are now catching up with me. The stress of being absolutely broke, combined with exam stress has made me feel lower than ever. I'm just trying to focus on my studies and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just thankful that I have the emotional support of my girlfriend, but being in London away from her throughout the week just adds to my lonliness. Really don't know where to turn from here. I have thought about contacting step change, but I know that in a few months I will be earning good money and the negative effects of a debt plan on my credit rating are far worse than a few months of suffering. Hungry, sad and lonely. Just dreaming of easier times.

It might be worth just calling your lenders direct explain the situation be honest with them and see if they can help in the short term. You might be surprised how understanding they can be.

Hi Lego, If your in that much of a situation then contact student support at your Uni , they all have crisis loans available or in some cases one off grant payments that would allow you at least to get through your exams , just explain that youve had unexpected bills come in and that your parents are unable to help financially , there's really no need to go hungry at all and feeling that way wont help you concentrate on your exams my friend .

There's also a good student councilling service if you need help regards anything , it really depends on you and how much you want them to know , it sometimes helps just to have a chat and get stuff of your chest ?

I hope things work out for you .

Best wishes Alan

Hi all,

I've been attending counselling at uni every week, I've found that a huge help thanks Alan. I have an appointment with her tomorrow, so I'll ask if there's any support available. Luckily my dad is in town tomorrow and whilst he can't help with the bill, he can give me some cash to tide me over, so I'll be able to get by until such a time that I can sort everything out. It's only a matter of time as long as I can get through each day without a bet

Officially three weeks gamble free and I found out today that i got into med school! I never thought I'd ever achieve this dream. Suddenly I'm so excited to be alive again! Crazy how life can completely turn around in 3 weeks. Keep going everyone, we can do it

Another day done, another week of exams ahead. I know at the moment that I'm replacing the turbulence of emotion that gambling provides with exams, so I'm taking steps to ensure that when 'normal life' returns I'm on my guard. I will finish counselling at uni soon, so I'm looking for a counsellor close to my parental home, so I can keep going in the summer and beyond. Looking into GA as well. I hope everyone had a good weekend. Feeling very stressed, but also positive. In a weeks time I will nearly be finished with my exams and I'll be a month gamble free!

Over a month free of gambling. I still have days like today when I feel really down, but in general life is so much better. I really need to find some work for the summer and try to get my finances in order before September. I can't live with the constant emails and calls from the bank. I've told them the situation, but it hasn't seemed to help.

Only one more exam to go then I can start sorting my life out and enjoy a summer free of gambling. I hope you're all doing well with your own recoveries.