Struggle

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Hello my name is Henry and I just signed up to this today. I have been a gambling addict for about a year now however last summer my gambling got very severe and left my life in tatters.

I have always enjoyed a bet as it's all my friends do really we all go to the football on a Saturday and put our bets or we will all put money on some horse etc however at this point putting a fiver on a football accumulator was nerve wracking.

Last spring I began an apprenticeship which involved working away every week Monday to Friday and traveling home on a weekend. The guy I was working with was abit of a weird one and we didnt really get on or have any crack which was abit awkward considering we had to share a room and went to work everyday together, however just before I started this job I had a massive falling out with my father and his wife who I lived with which pretty much left me homeless. I have a girlfriend who was very understanding and I stayed at hers when I was home on a weekend until her mam got sick of me and I couldn't ever go there.

so I was a 20 year old lad and had nowhere to go so I spend the next few months living out my car pretty much and sleeping on either my sisters or mates sofa which as you can imagine doesn't make you feel very good about yourself.

So as you can all imagine due to my boredom and sadness I began to gamble big amounts of money which I wasn't used to which made the whole situation worse.

I was earning about £300 a week and after about a month of it building up I was eventually losing around 1000 a week so something had to give. I lost all my savings which lead to me going from pay day loan company's to bank loans and even lending from my girlfriend and lieing to everyone about how severe this was getting, I even spent some nights sleeping in my car after a hard night at the casino or on my phone. I soon wracked up a pretty large amount of debt and my head was all over which led me to cheat on my girlfriend however thankfully she stood by me and were still going amazingly!

So I went to the doctors who said I was pretty depressed but I didn't want to take medication so nothing was really done about it and because of this I left my job because I didn't want to be unhappy anymore however this left me thousands in debt with no income and a massive gambling addiction.

Thanks to my sister and her husband who I owe everything to and love them so much they got my a job at my brother in laws company and I am now earning about 1000 a week which enabled me to pay off all my debt and because my wages were being paid into my sisters account I even had some savings going.

And this leads me to today, everyone thinks I have quit and to be honest I even thought I had till I look at my bank and see how much I'm losing every month, I'm in a good place now so I don't understand why I can't stop! I don't know what to do I'm losing large chunks of money even still which is bringing back the depressed emotions of before. I've came on here for support and I've read some other threads and it's motivated me a little seeing that it could be worse and I'm not totally ruined, I understand I still have my family and girlfriend but I just want to stop for good! It's all I think about and it's all my life and mood is based around, I need to stop quick before I ruin my life again.

all I want is to be happy and while I gamble that will never happen.

so anyway here goes nothing and I attempt again to quit for good! Day one for me at being happy again to know deep down one day I will be able to not feel the urge again, what a horrible addiction this and and no one understands how bad it can get, thanks for reading! About 12 hours clean haha!