The FUN Stopped

Hi Terry,

A few things you have said certainly resonate. Yes, it was the same for me. Mainly escapism. Escaping from what exactly I really don’t know, as my life was and still is a very decent one. But I learnt over time never to try and apply logic to this addiction that we have, you will give yourself more stress and drive yourself near mad. There is no logic that can be applied, it is just how our brains are wired up.

I totally agree about the adverts and all the celebrities selling out to give the gambling industry more credibility. They have been trying (and unfortunately succeeding) in normalising gambling with these adverts over the past 8 years or so. Groups of well healed lads spending their Saturday afternoons gambling to make it appear socially acceptable. It does make me very angry.

They will of course say it’s fine, on the pretext that the vast majority aren’t CGs but that’s not the purpose of the adverts. The purpose is no less sinister than to turn more and more people into addicts, many of whom wouldn’t have gone down the route, without this long standing concerted effort by the casinos to get as many people as possible hooked. Irresponsible, reprehensible but whilst the taxes roll in, the government will continue to turn a blind eye to the damage it is causing.

Ukds69 wrote:

Hi Terry,

A few things you have said certainly resonate. Yes, it was the same for me. Mainly escapism. Escaping from what exactly I really don’t know, as my life was and still is a very decent one. But I learnt over time never to try and apply logic to this addiction that we have, you will give yourself more stress and drive yourself near mad. There is no logic that can be applied, it is just how our brains are wired up.

I totally agree about the adverts and all the celebrities selling out to give the gambling industry more credibility. They have been trying (and unfortunately succeeding) in normalising gambling with these adverts over the past 8 years or so. Groups of well healed lads spending their Saturday afternoons gambling to make it appear socially acceptable. It does make me very angry.

They will of course say it’s fine, on the pretext that the vast majority aren’t CGs but that’s not the purpose of the adverts. The purpose is no less sinister than to turn more and more people into addicts, many of whom wouldn’t have gone down the route, without this long standing concerted effort by the casinos to get as many people as possible hooked. Irresponsible, reprehensible but whilst the taxes roll in, the government will continue to turn a blind eye to the damage it is causing.

This is a great post and everything you’ve spoken about there regarding the adverts and their glamourising of the situation I agree with. It’s quite amusing that I mention never having a problem with sports betting, yet if I’d never started that I would have never discovered instant games.

Interesting you also resonate with the escapism. What exactly am I escaping from? On the surface of things I have a very decent life and the time I’ve spent on these websites...well it would be leisure time much better spent elsewhere. I’m a future dreamer, and I’ve always been this way - so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it.

Had my first slight wobble today, nearly six days in. Got an unexpected bill of £75 and for a brief moment my thoughts turned to winning exactly that amount back so I don’t have to eat into my holiday spends. Thankfully, it was only a brief moment before I switched on and distanced myself from a trigger that’s previously sucked me in.

I’m trying to explore the reasons why I gamble and I would like to quickly write down my thoughts.

I have a strange relationship with money. This is a quite recent phenomenon I’ve developed over the past three or four years. I’m a merticulous person and like to plan out my finances at the start of the month. I’ll have set amounts for expenses and leisure and it frustrates me when I go over so when I get an unexpected bill it unsettles me - which is one of my triggers to gamble.

Of course, as all gamblers do, I always lose and end up wasting even more money in addition to overspending on the budgets I’d originally set myself. This leads to self-loathing and anger at myself in a period where I distance myself from money and have a more relaxed attitude to my finances.

Strange, I know, and something I need to work on.

Anyway, six days GF now. Let’s make it a week.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be one week GF, i’m disappointed it’s such a small amount of time but I guess I can’t change the past only the future.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Hi Terry

Gamcare offer free counselling sessions which will help you expose and address whatever it is that's been driving the compulsion. Mr L found them very useful even though he wasn't able to complete the course. GA will offer you ongoing insight and support from people who have been exactly where you are and understand. Mechanical blocks are great but only go so far. Coming to terms with whatever it is that's underlying the addiction very much walks alongside.

Thank you Lethe, I think one of my main problems is how much I’m ashamed to admit I have a problem.

I made it to 13 days GF but unfortunately true to form, like everyone said, I slipped back into it this morning. I’m really angry at myself and with a clear head I’ve got no idea why I’ve done it. I’ve been enjoying life a lot more recently. I’m so mentally weak. Disappointed is an understatement. Going to try not let it affect the rest of my life.

So I start again. 08/06/2018, 08:55am.

Also apologies to everyone in here who have taken the time out to offer me good advice and I’ve failed so early. It won’t happen again.

Hi Terry, you don't need to apologise to us. We all understand the highs and lows, the promises and the urges, the optimism and despair which accompanies this addiction. For many years I paid lip service to wanting to give up. I now recognise that I wanted the best of both worlds - the financial benefits of winning but without any of the emotional trauma that comes with gambling. I convinced myself that I could be in control but until I accpted that I will never be in control and subsequently I can never gamble again relapses were inevitable.

It may or may not be the right time for you to give up. If it is you need to put the blocks in place and put them in for good (Gamstop for 5 years etc). If it is not the right time you should still try for your own peace of mind, perhaps blocking yourself for 6 months is better than no block at all? I would hate for you to prolong the emotional cycle of qutting, gambling, repeat so please do all that you can to help break this cycle. We are all here for you and wish you well. Sam x

It's over now. Beating yourself up over it won't change anything. Close your loophole and any others you've left, get back on the horse and keep going.

samorgo wrote:

Hi Terry, you don't need to apologise to us. We all understand the highs and lows, the promises and the urges, the optimism and despair which accompanies this addiction. For many years I paid lip service to wanting to give up. I now recognise that I wanted the best of both worlds - the financial benefits of winning but without any of the emotional trauma that comes with gambling. I convinced myself that I could be in control but until I accpted that I will never be in control and subsequently I can never gamble again relapses were inevitable.

It may or may not be the right time for you to give up. If it is you need to put the blocks in place and put them in for good (Gamstop for 5 years etc). If it is not the right time you should still try for your own peace of mind, perhaps blocking yourself for 6 months is better than no block at all? I would hate for you to prolong the emotional cycle of qutting, gambling, repeat so please do all that you can to help break this cycle. We are all here for you and wish you well. Sam x

Hi Sam,

Thank you so much for your kind words and support, they’re a great help. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Wanting the financial rewards (the money your brain thinks you’re owed back) without the trauma and feeling in your gut after losing. But you can’t have that because that’s essentially what gambling is. Relapsing is inevitable just like everyone said but I can’t understand this one, it just wasn’t rational. Was enjoying a great holiday and I hadn’t even thought about the subject for four or five days. Then it was like I was automated, a robot-like trance. Thankfully I knew when I was beat and managed to withdraw the rest before I blew everything.

Starting from the bottom but I’m two days GF now, which is obviously disappointing but with a clear head it’s obvious to me the time has come to sign the Gamblock register.

Thanks again and hope you have a great Sunday.

bluescreen wrote: Hi Terry, noone is judging you. Noone feels let down. I am glad you came back to tell us, instead of burying your head in the sand. Now it's time to pick up the pieces and try again. I have had countless haf-hearted attempts, followed by inevitable relapses. My gf stretches hardly ever lasted longer than a day. The only thing that stopped me was when I ran out of funds. You are doing better than I did, because you already know that you can't go on like this. What needs to come next is to follow the advice given by the other posters on this thread. Slam those doors shut, lock them up tightly and throw away the keys. Wishing you all the best.

Hi Bluescreen,

Thank you for your kind message of support.

It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who has been through a similar problem.

I hope you’ve been able to squash the urges and enjoy a gamble free life.

Time to close those doors you are right. If I can go back to it when I’m in a good way mentally then it’s obviously something that I’ll have to deal with for life. Thankfully I seem to have a limit to stop before things get too desperate so if there’s ever a good time to block all access it’s today.

Lethe wrote:

It's over now. Beating yourself up over it won't change anything. Close your loophole and any others you've left, get back on the horse and keep going.

Thank you Lethe.

You are correct. No point crying over spilt milk.

Two days gamble free and I’ll be back tomorrow to add another mark onto the board.

bluescreen wrote: Glad to see you back on track. 🙂 I unfortunately never had that limit... back then I still kept on telling myself that everything is fine until there was, yet again, nothing left to live on. Shame, remorse, guilt. Desperation kicked in. I needed to get through the month... life on the edge... payday... rinse... repeat... I needed a literal wakeup-call with a sledgehammer to come to my senses. And even then I only stopped because there was no other way. The early days and weeks gf had been driven by anger, still in full stop denial mode. My pride had taken a deep dent and I didn't want to come back with my tail between my legs. I knew f*** all about this neverending brutal circle of addiction my brain had been trapped in for years. The realization that I had a problem that will be there for life came much later. But yeh, I was lucky, it stopped me in my tracks, and the person who gave me the tough love I needed still doesn't have a clue how much I owe them just for doing what was probably one of the hardest things they ever did. I have quite a bit of gf time under my belt by now. It's not easy though, and the fact that I'm here regardless just shows that it's an illness that should be taken seriously. Though they might never be gone for good, urges will be getting less with time. If you slip, get back on your feet immediately. Put blocks in place. Keep your guard up and accept the fact that you can never ever gamble again. You can, and you will, do it!

Hi Bluescreen, what a great post. Your story made me despair at times but at the same time I’m delighted that you’re winning the battle and have got a good stretch of gamble free time under your belt. Some parts certainly resonate with me, especially how your pride takes a dent when you lose. I’m ultra competitive and can’t take losing. So playing a game that is programmed for you to lose is never going to end well.

I’m actually really angry at myself for slipping back the other day, I know what’s done is done but I’m gutted I fell into my regular pattern so easily. I feel dirty each time I think of it and I only played for 15 minutes! Enough time to rack up a loss and leave me at the bare minimum until payday though.

Anyway, upto 4 days now, if we’re not counting the World Cup sweepstake in work (I’m not - although I don’t think neither Serbia or Senegal will give me a return on my investment).

You will win! You’re winning right now by not succumbing to the urges. I think sometimes we need to give ourselves a bit of credit, I mean, we sure give ourselves a hard time when we slip up don’t we?

Onto day six now, and by the time I’m at my desk tomorrow it will already be one week.

bluescreen wrote: You haven't posted for a while. How are you doing?

Hi Bluescreen,

Made it to 12 days and then relapsed on the 20th June, last bet 00:13. I can’t even remember how I did it - I’ve blocked it out of my mind.

Same pattern again, can’t seem to break it even with self-exclusion. Lose, self-loathe, don’t think about it, forget, lose again, self loathe.

Embarrassed is an understatement. I am furious at myself but got to just start again. Think I need to continue to update this as it helps me remember the consequences.

Thanks for checking on me.

3 days in.