The illness is winning

Hey Craig,

This addiction can't be taken lightly:(( maybe time to put barriers up.

The triangle makes it impossible to play.

Time money location,

If you take one of these away, it's impossible to play. That's a good start my friend, and by not not beating yourself up. And by just taking one day at a time, to get your head clear again, you can slowly but surely abstain and maintain.

Small decisive tough steps forwards daily is the sure way forwards.

Keep strong and keep positive.

Suzanne xxx

Hey Craig! Just read your posts and it sounds like you're a good determined state of mind! I remember reading this guys post a little while ago and you reminded me of him. I think what he did by sharing with his partner and giving her access to his account and not carrying cash or card is awesome. Thought it might give you some hope or some pointers. Best of luck, chubb

gull991 wrote: Its been six years since I last gambled, six years of living life without gambling in it.
I dont miss it at all, gambling consumed my life and turned it into a living hell. my every waking moment was spent either gambling or thinking about gambling.
These days I dont think about it, I dont hide from it, I am not scared of it.
Gambling was a huge part of my life, now it means nothing to me.
How did I stop?
I put my heart and soul into my recovery, I went to GA, I posted virtually every day on my diary on this site. I started a GA group. I talked to my wife every day openly and honestly about my gambling and what it did to me and my family.
I stopped carrying cash or cards about with me, I gave my wife full access to my bank account. I stopped lying.
To my way of thinking, stopping gambling had to become my priority in life, unless I stopped I had no life. I did everything I could think of to help me to gain the strength to stop. I didnt care if some parts of GA 'were not for me', I didnt care if having to account to my wife for every penny I spent was humiliating. All I cared about was my goal of stopping gambling and nothing was going to stand in my way of achieving that goal.
These days, I dont attend GA any more, I hardly ever post on here, although I still read every day. I carry cash and cards with me again, I have earnt back the trust of my family. I am still open with my finances, my wife can look at my bank statements any time she wants and she knows she can.
I dont fear gambling, it is a part of my past but it will never be part of my future.
I do not gamble in any shape or form, I dont do the lottery, I dont buy raffle tickets, If I am asked to I just say I dont gamble at all, people accept this and I tend not to be asked to gamble these days.
To anyone reading this who is struggling with gambling, do everything that you can to find the strength to stop and then do some more, dont be embarressed by recovery, take it with both hands and hold on tight to it. dont let the gambler inside of you make excuses to leave doors open, close every door firmly and lock them if you can.
Above all be honest with yourself and your loved ones, stop living a lie, and start living a life.
I was addicted to gambling for more years than I care to remember.
I will waste no more of my life.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

I'm ill. There is no other explanation. I'm here in London visiting this beautiful city seeing amazing places like Houses of Parliament Westminster etc and all I'm thinking about is betting. While at these places I am constantly on my phone checking results etc. My Mrs has my bank card now and is now in control of all finances. I go to bed determined and when I wake up first thing I do is gamble. I've tried counselling and that just wasn't for me. I didn't find it beneficial at all. I've never been to a GA meeting I think I've always thought one day I would just stop. I'm so ashamed and angry at myself. Even when I win it means nothing all it means is bigger stakes on my next bet. I need my fiancГ© to be strong and say no whenever I say to give me money but I've also got to be stron and not put her in that position as it isn't fair on her.

Morning,

Ok, it's an illness but YOU are responsible for doing everything that it takes to overcome it. It's doable but not by half measures.

GA's not for you? Or would regular attendance inhibit the gambling? So it's easier to tell yourself that GA's not for you, therefore you don't need to go, instead of trying a different meeting or even giving it another chance. And the gambling can continue. Ditto counselling.

You've handed over your bank card, therefore you're doing the right thing? No, because you get it back on demand in order to gamble. Passing your bank card back and forth doesn't break the money side of the triangle.

There's plenty of advice on the forum about breaking the time money location triangle. Also about getting external support from GA and or GC. You know what to do but only you can do it.

You've mentioned depression but the treatment for depression doesn't cure the addiction. That needs it's own solution, which has to come from you. If you're to stop gambling, then do (not say) everything that it takes. Do it properly, to change things for you.

Wish you well,

CW

Day 2 today up early to catch the 7am train out of London. Good day yesterday didn't go near a bookies. Once I get home there is a number you can call that self excludes you from all the bookies in Glasgow so going to do that.

Thanks cynical wife for your comment. Take all the advice I can get.

Day 4 today last 3 days have been good. No real urges a few thoughts to gamble but nothing major. Finish up for work Friday morning and off for a few days so going to use that time to look up GA meetings and self exclude from local bookies. Great weather up here in Glasgow so gonna stay up for a few hours and then of to bed for work tonight.

Back again went 9 days got email with free bet and went from there. Thankfully not a lot of financial damage done but emotional damage plenty. Thought I had self excluded from all sites but obviously not. Tomorrow is another day.

Hi Craig I have only just read your diary. I'm a bit like you. I'm 28 with a wife a daughter and one in the way. I have also been brought up by gambling my dad was a massive gambler and like you I was left outside bookies at a very young age. I have made attempts to stop in the past and failed. I have failed because I always knew I was going to bet again thinking I would be able to control it. This time is different. I have accepted gambling has beaten me and I will never win because I will never stop. My missus has stick with me just like yours has. Because of this it has made me more determined not to let her down. I could blow everything tomorrow and she would still stand by me and that isn't right. I could not do it to her again. You need to accept you will never win Craig. Then you can recover. It's a tough journey. In only 29 days gamble free. But that is the longest time without a bet for me in ten years. You can do this. Your wife's standing by you. Stand with her mate. You will beat it if you want to

Stay safe

Gaz