The Impossible Dream

Hi Stephen,

I'm looking forward to joining you, and fellow Gamcare friends, on our continued journey as we all buckle up for 2018! But the year's not over yet, and it's bittersweet when I review the year in the same way it's been bittersweet for so many of us. (So I try not to dwell.) But, on the positve side, we're a smidgen the wiser, a little bit more focussed and sometimes it's these little 'tweaks' that make all the difference.

It's not a "Eureka" moment, or "Road to Damascus" moment that's going to hit us between the eyes, or some 'epithany' that's going to make us stop permanently. Life isn't like, and we know that.

What we can do, however, is take tiny steps every day - that will do. One of those tiny steps, as we know is simply to uphold the following statement: "I will not place a bet today." That's it, that's enough. If we want to add a tiny bit more, then we can post, share our experiences, like on Gamcare, and the amazing thing is - this tiny actions cumulatively add up. Tiny though they are, they build up our resolve!

Let's say you've got a tough day; woken up P'eed off, or dreading the day for whatever reason. So feeling weak. So, in the morning, you are 50% resolved not to gamble - it's 50/50 - not good enough; something might happen and you might. By declaring you won't gamble today - that's another 1%. Over the finish line! But, because of extra actions taken, like posting, sharing, learning more about this descructive condition we can add another 1%. Making bloody sure, in other words.

The extra actions we have taken have given us a buffer zone! 51% was just enough to tilt into safety, but that extra 1% makes sure. Only 1%, but it feels like much more. Ok - we're never completly out of the woods, but Mixer Woods is just down the woods as you know Stephen; a bit of extra contemplation might add another 1% ... 😉

I doubt we'll ever be "100%" resolved - we know ourselves too well. But I'll live with 51-52% if anything over 50% means we're almost certainly not to gamble today. (Let's me realistic, but at the same time, determined as hell.)

Tomorrow? Let's worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!

It's been really great conversing with your here Stephen - you're the fellow Gamcare buddy I associate with the most actually - that's the truth - and I'm really looking forward to more great conversations with you through 2018. I wish you all the very best for the remainder of the year, my friend - see you next year!

Thanks Mixer for that great post it says exactly what I need to keep doing.

Small steps will get me through 2018 free from gambling. Everythings on my side now. I have taken on board all the knowledge I have gleamed from the diaries and am alongside my gamcare friends.

One day at a time and if I sometimes feel glum than so be it. All things will pass and tomorrow is another day.

I won't make unrealistic demands on myself but will endeavour to bring about positive changes if and when possible.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

Ps. I don't endorse people catching monkeys and I am a vegetarian so wouldn't eat a monkey anyway.

Happy new year! Thanks for your post. I hope 2018 is peaceful with no nasty surprises. Can't wait to get back to my sewing machine!

Hi Stephen

Thanks for the post! Not so sure about my ramblings being cheerful but yes..i can be ok now and again...esp when "please don't stop the music " track comes up 😉

Slowly slowly catchy monkey huh. I remember dear Shiny "introducing" me to this saying...all the way back to climbing Everest mountains which actually was anthills after all. I like English sayings, gives me some food for thought while I am figuring out the meaning & oh man..there can be many huh ☺

Wish you happy & peaceful New Year, only you can put foundations down to make it happen..the rest will follow.

Believe!

S&B xx

Thanks for your comment on my diary.

Perhaps my entry wasn't a good one. All compusive gamblers, myself included, are forever inflicted with the illness and therefore control is impossible. However, there is usually a border, a threshold, where incontrol takes over...and my couple of dalliances didn't cross it. I wouldn't advise anyone having a punt under any circumstances. I was just updating my diary honestly. Sorry if it upset you. I'll delete it if you think it's provocative

Mm

Thank you so much for your last post on my diary... my bucket friend lol. I am currently re tracing my steps through Game of Thrones 🙂 boxset

Hi Stephen hope you're well ? Have read your comments to others, such wise and heartfelt words! Not easy for many this time of year, although I have grabbed January as a fresh page etc and all those other clichГ©s lol. Take care as you gallop up to 50 days S:)

Thankyou Sharon. Great your feeling positive and making plans. I feel happy but a bit subdued today, coming down to earth after christmas and feeling philosophical.

A compulsive gambler walks a sad sad lonely road. Wellwishers may show compassion with a few kind words of encouragement or they may get angry with the madness of it all. They don't understand it but what is there to understand?

Here on the gamcare road trying to look on the bright side, going placidly amid the noise and haste, remembering I am a child of the universe and have I a right to be here!

It seems I am not alone in this struggle, many of us are on the same journey helping each other along. We must still have hope or we wouldn't be here. God bless you all.

Today I gambled on the fobt machines. I was feeling fed up which is hardly a reason to gamble so I won't elaborate.

I think I'm sorry for letting people down, but if I respected myself and my gamcare friends than surely I wouldn't have done it. There have been lengthy periods gamble free so I will build on that and try to be more responsible in the future.

I haven't lost much money but my self respect is all gone. Need to accept what I've done and start again.

Oh Stephen,

Sorry to hear about it. It's good that you acknowledge the triggers so you don't act on them the same next time.

Most importantly, Don't beat yourself up! There is nothing you can change now so move on.

What about GA rooms. I think I read before that you attended meetings. Maybe worth going back...

Stay close by & Of course..more practical blocks blocks blocks!..self exclude from everywhere you can.

Back on the horse dear soldier..back on the horse! We're right beside you.

S&B xx

Ps. Was thinking how those salsa lessons going...

I'm impressed! 😉

https://youtu.be/iXOuzMZ8TtU

Thank you S&B that was amazing Salsa on the youtube link. He was doing some of my moves lol.We start up classes again next tuesday. I think dancing really helps me to relax and have fun.

It seems I relapse when I get a bit depressed and than self pity kicks in and I turn to gambling for reassurance. It sounds stupid and pathetic but I can't think of any other explanation. Same thing happened 5 years ago, 2 years ago and than last year after good periods of abstinence. I need to be mentally stronger so I can get through the days when I don't feel so good.

Hai Stephen the Abstainer. I always like the sound of that as it makes you sound like a fellow knight of the round table from the legend of Arthurian, a table where there’s no head but a table full of people who are all equal, hence in modern money - The round table of Gamcare.

A bit of a random imaginative head on my shoulders this morning as I went of on that random irrelevant tangent. Anyway, I’m always late but thanks for support.

I see you enjoy your Salsa, that’s cool. But just touching on your bottom paragraph and I Well may be way off the mark, but Salsa won’t give you any explanation for why you take refuge with gambling in your down times. Yes, this site can be supportive and this will upset some but it can also be the blind leading the blind, so we need to find that external source in finding and seeking that self awareness which we’ve been hiding in a machine .... more random rambles from me there ...

So, cut a long story short - strength and honour is sent your way

Paul the Volcano who’s sat opposite in this large oak circular table

Hi Stephen I think it's a tough on your own. No one to hold your purse strings. Sadness, loneliness, causes and outcomes of gambling. i feel for you. My cg volunteered at the local hospital cafe when he lost his job. Gave him a purpose, bit of confidence. Takes up that time. I read an article in the telegraph suggested from a Twitter cg I follow. Someone studying gambling behaviour etc vs illness. Slips are expected. Unfortunately they make you feel rubbish. Have a good day!

Hi Stephen, it seems January is a tricky month to steer through so please don't dwell on relapsing too much. We've all been there and then try to won out why. I second Merry, is super hard being on your own shouldering everything. I must confess after an awkward run in with my daughters Dad yesterday I am now feeling all over the place and the opposite to how buoyant I was yesterday but hey s*** happens. Sending lots of positivity your way, take care S:)