This is going to be so hard

Hello,

You have taken the first step which was writing that post. Well done. I was in a similar situation. I was at the stage were I wouldn't think of gambling unless I had 1000's at my disposal because smaller bets were not filling my needs. That was another indication that I needed help. Just 3 weeks ago I was betting £1000 a spin on roulette. That was the final time I will bow to gambling after 18 years and 100's of thousands later.

The last 15 days I have been gamble free have been great. I have read 4 books in under 3 weeks which is a record for me. So I'm keepingmyself very busy which is a huge help. Filling my time prohibits me from thinking about gambling. I have schedules for every day which is a huge help and not only am I avoiding gambling I'm getting loads done too.

That's my biggest tip for you...plan your time. It's a big help

Regards, John

So here we are at Day 2.

Yesterday was a real struggle mentally. I didn't make the gym as planned and all I wanted to do was sleep. So difficult not to have a bet with all the sport that was on but I pushed through it. The adverts everywhere make it so much worse, on the tv and social media you just can't get away from it. I can't look at football fixture list without planning a bet out in my mind.

I left the house for an hour during the afternoon for a food shop and add petrol to the car, and this has left me with just under £50.

One thing that scares me is that I have jut over £1000 in an ISA that I've kept for a 'rainy day.' Well that Day is here, but the way I am feeling at the moment I don't trust myself not to gamble with it if transfer it to my current account.

Today will be another struggle as it will be a whole weekend without a bet for some time if im successful. My number 1 plan is to arrange counselling next week as I definitely need to talk to someone.

Thanks for your kind words above John, 15 days seems a lifetime away for me yet. I can only commend you on that and hope I follow suit.

-Ross

Well done both. I draw comfort from the struggle and the way you are dealt by with it, but also that I'm not the only one stupid enough to waste so much money! I can't believe how difficult this has made my life and how deceptive I'd become. I look forward to putting my phone away relaxing and knowing when I look at my bank balance it's the same as yesterday, and that I've not got to fund some reckless spread bet. Thanks guys, good luck!!

Ross7. Keep strong and busy. I contacted you on other thread re my son- 10 yrs gambling and now lost job because of stealling to fund habit. He hasn't gambled for a month and keep urging him to come on this website for support. Have you seen that "Mind over Marathon" program about the power of running when depressed etc. Best time to get out is in the morning to help with sleep. I belong to a walking group and find that helps, even when you don't speak to anyone about your problems. My son is going to GA meetings and gf taken over all finances, so hope you can find someone to help you in this way. Speaking on Gamcare helpline may help? My husband says my son has to be at rock bottom and homeless before he will have him in our house again. Keep busy and good luck.

Hiya Ross , johnjones and gamb 1er:)).

Firstly congratulations to you all on making that difficult decision to stop gambling and seek some help ! .

There's no doubt that the early day's can be really tough get through but take it from me that you can win your battle with addiction , in simple terms it's about wanting a different life more than you want to place another bet , looking too far ahead at a life without gambling in it can be a scary prospect , I know it was for me , so just for now take it one minute/ hour or day whichever is easiest for you , small steps and bite size chunk's is my early advice , put as many blocks as you can in place and limit the free time and cash or cards you have available , most of all keep yourself busy and if the urges strike switch your mind onto something else ( it doesnt matter what ) until those urges pass and they will pass for sure , it's no different to say giving up smoking at first it's hard to get by without your daily fix but as time passes it gets easier and yopu will become stronger . It can be as easy or difficult as you want to make it , you just have to want to make it more :)) .

A couple of things I found usefull early on which have been a major factor for me were , don't bury your head in the sand ! own up to those closest to you and seek their help and support , one it leaves gambling with knowhere to hide and it starts you on a path of honesty , which if your anything like me was lacking for the many years I gambled . The other thing which helps beyond belief is to let go of all the past and your losses , I spent many years upto the point of joining this site where I convinced myself that just one more winning bet would be the one that wiped the slate clean and I could sail off into the distance and never place another bet again ( who was I kidding eh ? ) but I'm guessing youv'e all had that conversation with yourselves already ? .

All those thought's do is keep you in the cycle your trying to break , it's our way of thinking as gamblers that say's " It's ok to keep doing what weve alway's done " and if it was that easy I'd have won my fortune many years ago . The reality is " Nothing changes if nothing changes " otherwise you will just keep losing just like youv'e alway's done and just as I did .

Things do get better , they really do and looking back it didn't take too long to start noticing improvements in my life , most of us start off gambling winning a few quid and thinking that this could be a nice little side line but when we become compulsive gamblers it stops being about the fun and it's definately nothing to do with the money , any winning's just become about enabling ourselves to gamble for a while longer , money's just more gambling tokens and that's it and to quote and old phrase on here " We cannot win because we cannot stop " ? .

I wish you all well guy's , take what you need from what you read on this site, you'll all identfy with others on here , seek help where you feel you need it , either through friends , family the gamcare community or councilling or externally from GA , the choice is your's and it's all bespoke , most of all keep talking to each other and venting how you feel, as my old friend Martin on this site used to say " It's better to ramble than gamble " :)) .

Take care

Alan

Thankyou Alan it's great to be able to hear words of encouragement and experience!

Just try this... say I'm gona live for today !!!!! I not gona gamble TODAY!!!? Just try it!!! Just saying!!!!

Hi Ross

Good luck with your journey. Your journey does not need to be hard (ref your thread title). It needs commitment but that's not the same as suffering. I'm not talking about positive thinking as that's BS.

If you can wholly commit to your recovery then you might be surprised that your recovery is not the hard slog you fear. Obviously, your mind will tell you, at the beginning, that it's going to be incredibly hard. That's because you are still in the grip of addictive processes. These thoughts and impulses do not control you. These thoughts, feelings, urges are paper tigers. Acknowledge you are having these urges and thoughts - but then do what is important to you anyway (your values - whether that's family, friends, music, travel or stamp collecting). You are the driver of your bus and control where you want to go. When your mind tells you cannot do it, it's too hard - just notice this, and carry on anyway with your recovery. You will get results fairly quickly.

Louis

Day 3.

Firstly, thanks for the kind comments above from everyone. Not betting over a full weekend was a massive achievement for me. I didn't even have a couple of quid on a football bet I'd regularly do on a Saturday.

However, knowing I have to transfer this £1000 to my current account some point this week really scares me. It's like I have the Devil on my shoulder saying gamble with it, you can easily double that then go on to win £10k and all your problems would be sorted. When I finally recover from these thoughts I know that this is completely wrong.

The mental side of things are tough, I only have £47 in my bank account at this moment and keep thinking continuously about all the money I have lost.

I did have a good gym session yesterday and hoping for the same today followed by some nice food.

As always, I will report back tomorrow with my number one plan being to arrange counselling.

-Ross

Day 4.

Yesterday was probably the hardest day so far for me. With strong thoughts of wanting to gamble last night I turned to the Gamcare chat room and it did help to talk to others! From this experience im going to look at attending a local GA meeting in my area.

During the night I had one of the most vivid dreams ever that I was playing large sums on roulette. Feel drained this morning and actually took me a good few minutes to come around from it. Never experienced anything like that before.

I will be contacting beacon counselling today and hope to arrange a session ASAP.

-Ross

Day 5.

Yesterday I arranged counselling and my first session takes place tomorrow afternoon.

Last night was a real struggle as I transferred the £1000 from my ISA to current account. I managed to fight through the urges last night to gamble but it does seem to be getting harder and harder to do so as the days go by.

Hopefully another gamble free day ahead of my counselling session tomorrow.

-Ross

Day 6.

Last night was the toughest point for me so far. Had a sports bet in mind, but fought off the demons and did not place the bet. What made things worse for me was the fact the bet would have come in had I put it on. A very tough evening but thankfully no gambling.

Today I had my first counselling session with a lovely lady. I haven't felt like gambling since this meeting, but after discussing what makes me gamble and my current personal situation (out of work, lack of money, thinking I should be in a better position than I am at my age) I do feel slightly depressed more than anything. Had a nap when I got in instead of going to the gym as planned.

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day.

-Ross

Ross,

Make sure you rest as well. I know that seems like your doing nothing. But your body is recovering from the stress and anxiety that gambling has put it under. Keep at it, you will get there.

Julie

Hiya Ross , the important thing here is your still gamble free so well done for keep pushing forward :))

Your gonna have good day's and bad day's mate and your feeling's and emotions are going to be all over the place for a while , the good news is that it's all quite normal and as time passes it will get easier to deal with .

I think when we gfirst stop and the realisation of what's happened to us and what weve allowed ourselves to become sets in and it's all a bit panicky at times and those dreams are a real bi,tch at times but they wont last forever mate trust me :))

I did the same as you early on , looking at horses I'd previously been following only to watch them romp home at agood price but I think it's what we like to call "S ods law " and I soon worked out that if I stiopped looking at results then it really wouldn't matter ? . Our gambling Brains will always be looking for a way to lure us back it's just tthe way it is but don't give in to it and it will pass .

Looking at your last post and you saying you felt a little depressed is not suprising really is it , I felt exactly the same when I finally stopped and looked around at the mess I created , I had about 10 k of debt and had just had the worst conversation of my life admiting all to my loved ones ( not a great day ) but that was over 600 day's ago now and life's so much better just as your's will become if you allow it to :)) .

Don't beat yourself up too much , what's done is done , where all human and we all make mistakes the important thing is to learn from them , look on it as a life lesson , youv'e lost money just as we all have but it is only money and in time it can be earned back and replaced , the main thing I've found is to let go of the losses and move on as it's the main thing that drags people back with the false promise of " Just one more win will make it all better " it won't mate I'tll just take you back to the same cycle your trying to break free of , the way I saw it was that if I'd been seriously I'll and someone could cure that illness for 10 k then would I pay it ? of course I would , it would be money well spent , so that's where it went . :)) .

Your still young Ross and have plenty of time to sculpture a new life for yourself , how that looks is down to you my friend .

Keep busy with anything that distracts you , the Gym's a great idea but if you need a kip then rest too.

Take care my friend , look after yourself and take it in small steps , one day at a time :))

Alan