This is my time

Thanks for the comments ladyH and PWM, LadyH counselling is one of the best things I have done in a long time. For me gambling was not about winning or losing (I have lost a S**T load) and won don't get me wrong I got a buzz from winning. SO I had to understand what made me want to gamble, I am an engineer and things normally make sense for me but I could not get my head around gambling or any other addiction I have had in my life. So the counselling session they don't tell you what was wrong but you think about things in different ways once you can understand why you think them maybe I will be able to stop gambling and any other from of addiction for good (lets hope so). And most of all my little boy I am a single parent so he deserves the best dad that I can be bless him.

Pwm101 I am hanging in no urges and to be honest I don't want to but the biggest test is still to come pay day money in teh bank we will see how I go. I have beaten other addictions in my life so I need to see if I can suss this one out.

Anyway keep winning don't gamble

Malc

Tuesday's man I am bored it is about now I would be thinking go on go to the bookie it will past 30 minutes of bordem and who knows you might win. Good job everything is in place to stop me from betting, Anyway just been to the local farm shop and get two steaks and a bottle of Prosecco for £15 result. The more I think about it the more stupid it sounds bored so go on get £500 in more debt so so stupid.

Anyway get on with some work might help.

So Wednesday morning is here and still no gambling result, Bought roses for my girl friend cooked steaks and lemon and lime cheese cake for desert not bad, sat and had a coffee and discussed our days went home with our gambling day 12 here we come.

So two things that I have on my mind right now what happens when I get paid and have money in the bank will I want to gamble? Also have a remortgage going through right now what happens when that completes I will have more available cash will I want to gamble again? Hopefully not will book another counselling session and take it one day at a time.

Keep winning by not gambling

Malc

Another Tuesday and Wednesday done they were my wekness days. Two week tomorrow 3 week here I come. Strange how normally on a Tuesday and Wednesday I would bet but the past two weeks I have not even thought about it maybe a sign.

Stay strong

Malc

Well lunch time on Thursday, what will the weekend hold who knows? need to collect the little man from nursery tonight and see what he has been up to at his nana's. Weekend forecasts walk the dog see if the little man can go his bike with out stabilizers we will see might be sore knees.

Malc

Morning folks, Woop 14 days GF next I am moving from the tines to the tees day 20 here I come

Well done on the 2 weeks malkie

Looks like seeing the counsellor has turned things around for you.

I could never be an engineer. But I also had to find out why I gambled- to move on.

Finding out why was liberating. The worst thing was thinking addiction is just some random curse we have. No. We gamble to medicate. There's s h1t we can do fix this. Address the root cause and the rug gets pulled from addiction.

You typed early on that 'you knew you were going to do it but couldn't stop'.

Tell yourself, 15 times, that you can't lift your right arm. Now, see if u can lift your right arm?

Sounds daft but same applies with urges and thoughts about gambling. We don't have to act on them, whatever our mind says. It might be uncomfortable, especially when it's an ingrained habit, but it's still a choice.

Bottom line is we make decisions, we drive the car.

Best wishes

Louis

Morning Louis,

You are right the counsellor helped no end I know understand what has been going on for 20 years f-me should have gone to see him 20 years ago might not be in this mess now anyway it is what it is.

You are right we drive the car we make choice's in life just need to make sure they are the right ones.

Thanks again for your comments

Malc

Hi Malkoe 76, wanted to say thank you for popping on my post yesterday and commenting. You're right, I'm not gambling so that's a huge step and should be proud of. I'm in a much better frame of mind today and realise I can only pay so much towards the debt at once, so need to remember I didn't get into debt over night, so it's not going to to take over night to pay it back. Thank you for posting. Take Care. C x

Hi Malkie

Thanks for posting on my diary. I am glad you are battling now harder than ever before. My councelling, like yours has been a revelation. I will stick with this forever I think. I understand my problems and where they have come from, even if I can't quite accept yet what they have driven me to.

Keep fighting. I am not going to kick you why you are down but maybe give you a little "f#cking hell I will never do that again" motivation. Your boy, you left him in the car while you gambled.....that moment may live with him forever, time to use that as inspiration to never gamble and protect not just yourself but your children from the demon.

Sorry if that is harsh but everytime you think of entering a bookies or a casino, think of that image of your little one awake and crying because you were not there in body or in mind.

Keep fighting mate

Matt

Nice one Matt,

You are right he means the earth to me, tough love is sometimes what we all need. But he is only 3 and does not need that s**t I will never put anything or anyone before him again.

Thanks for the motivation

Malc

day #17 getting there,

Pay day at the end of thiw week will be interesting, will book a counsellor session again onn Friday that will help.

Malc

Malc

Well done on day 17, definitely get yourself to that councellor.

I am having a brutal day myself, house went on the market today so another pang of pain and another door closing on my old life. Feel so sad and empty but won't gamble.

So took your advise counsellor book for Friday at 16:30 good stuff.

Nae good you will get there, sometimes better to close doors and move on. That is next on my hit list sell my house going on the market in the next coupld of months and will see what happens.

Stay GF only way to be.

Malc

Good man, it will keep you on that path and open your eyes to a huge ammount of deep rooted things.

Toughest period of my life but I hope it is for good reason and a better life now. I had everything in the palm of my hands and ruined it all, this will spur me on forever I hope.