Hi Guys,
I have visited the forums on and off over the last couple of years but have decided to do something about my gambling.
I have gambled for the last 16 years of my life, almost solely on Fruit Machines and, later, FOBTs. I had a brief 'fling' with online casinos but quickly self-excluded. I also have the odd, small football bet although (whilst some may disagree) I don't feel this is a problem (I am talking £2.50 acca's here).
Very briefly, I have always had a penchant for the fruit machines which started as a teenager. My story differs in that, from the age of around 21/22, I fell into a group of professional machine players and this became my 'job' for a good 3 years or so. It was amazing BUT it was the beginning of my downfall. Money very quickly lost all meaning (£100 hotel every night, expensive meals out, designer clothes and lots of booze). Slowly, the game changed and it became harder and harder to make a GOOD living (there was still money to be made but not in the quantities I was used to).
I got a job and used the machines as a bit of a subsidy which worked for a while. It was hard to adapt to a life of work again but I did and things were good. Then it started to go wrong, subconciously I must have been chasing the old lifestyle as I started GAMBLING (before the result was fairly pre-determined so I didn't think of it as such). I started playing FOBTs and the online casinos in pursuit of the big money which never came.
Fast forward a few years and I'm still gambling, not so much the FOBTs (and certainly not the online casinos) but the fruit machines still have me. This time, however, THEY have the upper hand and it's time to stop it. Losses are rarely HUGE (£200-£300 but have been more) but they have been a consistant factor in my life on a very regular basis. I am lucky to have a good job and a business which pays me dividends but I still have nothing. The debt is manageable but I'm fed up of not having the lifestyle I work stupidly hard for.
Today is Day 2 (Registration problems on the site) and I am, as they say, taking it one day at a time. I am hoping I can stick with this and, for the first time in years, really enjoy the fruits of my hard work.
So...that's me. I'll start a recovery diary shortly as, hopefully, it will help keep me on the right tracks.
Thanks for reading 🙂
P.S - I have just read this back and it sounds a bit self-indulgent and light hearted. Believe me, I have had my rock bottom moments, swearing at myself in the street, crying down the phone to borrow money and getting ridiculously drunk to forget it all. I think the tone of my post comes from the fact I am already one day down, it may have been very different 36 hours ago!
Hi Phil, welcome to the forum 🙂
You write how you want to write here, no need to apologise for good or bad days, we've all lived them. Some of us write more jovially than others but the pain is largely the same.
Those 'good old days' you talk of, of the 'professional' player have been phased out with the technology & scamming/strimming etc is, I believe, a thing of the past...The only people making money from the industry now are people @ the top living the Champagne Charlie lifestyle on our hard earned. My debt was also manageable but I was on the precipice when I came here & despite some very high highs & some very low lows, I can't go back. You've been around the forums so I'm not going to lecture you on what you need to do but don't dismiss that there's more to this than money & don't think you need to go it alone.
You can stick with it, you just have to want to - ODAAT
Hi ODAAT,
Thanks for your reply. I guess the light-hearted nature of my post is that I'm actually feeling good about the process of 'giving up', I'm in no doubt it will be hard and I make no promises that I won't relapse on the way BUT I know I mean it this time.
For the record (sorry I feel I should mention this) whilst I'm aware of scamming/strimming, nothing I did was every illegal, gameplay and no more. I'm not wanting to come across rude (sorry!) but thought I best clear that up 🙂
Thanks again for your reply and I look forward to posting more soon.
Phil
Hi Phil
Yes it is time to stop and you will find that self excluding does a lot of the hard work where fruit machines are concerned.
There are some interesting videos on you tube about the reality that they are just a random number generator and the odds of hitting the big amounts are thousands or even a million to one. All designed to hook with the mini or false wins where the odds are about 1 in 10 for a peanuts win. As gamblers though we still ignored thats 9 losses in 10. The flashing lights the multi lines, the bonus bars and the near miss syndrome are all designed with the help of psychologists to keep us in the trance. Supposedly random but its like hitting the right lottery numbers on a random generator They know what they are doing and I certainly dont take all the blame for getting addicted to them
They are not an income scheme and even the gambling dens have to admit they are for "entertainment" only .
I never really won on them and they affected my life for forty years. Anything that did come out was once in a blue moon. The danger there is the gambler seeks that feeling again and again. I continued to play them like it was some way of making regular money and for pure escape to try and soothe my anxiety issues. All it ever did though was make my anxiety worse. I played them with some thoughts that it was all going to come right with wins to chip into my massive losses..It never did and I couldnt stop playing anyway
I hope you will self exclude and aim for abstention from all forms of gambling. Its not healthy if you enter a machine area to place your football bet and all gambling can tempts you back to the machines again.
We all generally say here that it takes more than willpower so if you can tell anyone close they can be invaluable in helping and motivating you.
I hope as you see more on here you will realise thats it not just about just stopping when you feel like it. It takes, real determination a support network and full blocks. Without proper blocks its extremely likely that you will relapse again and again
My view on fruit machines is that they are lethal to compulsive gamblers. Indeed I dont think they are healthy for anyone and they create gambling addicts. I would ban them but obviously and unfortunately its not up to me
Anyway all the best but please consider what steps you will actually take to block. When youve stopped gambling other areas of your life will be much easier to resolve.
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect and freedom
Best wishes
Hi Joydivider,
Thankyou so much in taking time to write such a detailed response.
I must confess that, having read with great interest, many of the posts and diaries on here that I am very aware my case is different.
It WAS a very good, consistant and reliable income source for me for a number of years, during this time I didn't work or claim benefits and was living a nice lifestyle. Category C, pub-type fruit machines have never been random (save the old, mechanical type). They are strictly percentage controlled and ran in cycles which allowed them to be manipulated in the players favour (a bit like counting cards really). This is still the case today, they have just massively increased the size of the cycles and removed a lot of the more obvious gameplay patterns which is what killed the game. FOBTs and Casino machines (much like the ones in the States) are, as you say, RNG-based.
Anyway, I know that nobody comes on this board for a lecture on the principles of percentage-controlled gaming so I'll get back to my point. Strangely, during these profitable years, I got no pleasure from playing the machines, there was no 'buzz' it was repetitive and, to be honest, mundane. The buzz came later when the games became less profitable and I started gambling on FOBTs and on unpredicatable games in an (inevitably doomed) attempt to regain the lifestyle I had before. It was when I got to a point that I KNEW I wasn't winning or that, if I did win, I would only lose it again, that I knew I had a problem.
I have told myself on a number of occasions (typically after a big loss!) that I would give up, then the cycle would continue. I would get angry (never violent or aggressive), swear I wasn't going to do it anymore, get drunk, wake up with regret and then repeat the next day. I would goto the pub after work for a quick pint, this would then turn into 3 or 4 pints and ANOTHER loss...Repeat (not said ironically).
It wasn't even a big loss that made me decide that, on this occasion, enough really was enough. I was no longer enjoying gambling, I would lose everytime I played and it was eating away at the precious little spare time I had.
My story and my approach are probably not typical but I'm a believer that you have to do what you think will work for you. If it doesn't then go back, rethink and replan.
I have self-excluded from online casinos (did this a while ago as they weren't really my thing anyway). I have told the landlord of my local that I'm giving up, I don't expect him to do anything but, the way I see it, if he knows then I will feel like more of a failure if I go back to gambling. I am relying on will-power for the rest of it, I won't bother excluding from bookies at the moment as I don't have an urge to goto them (this may prove a poor decision but, like I say, it's a learning curve). I am barred from town centre arcades anyway because of my history. I don't intend to give up football bets. The majority of gambling advice seems to follow the 'all or nothing' mantra but I GENUINALLY don't see a problem with it. I deposit a tenner on Saturday and do a few accas, I never chase losses and, in my mind, it is totally disassociated with the gambling I know. I guess this alternative approach may be down to my entry into gambling rather than anything else. I have been in the pub the last couple of nights and resisted the temptation (I think, subconsciously, I get satisfaction from beating the temptation so hopefully this lasts).
Like I say, this is the first PROPER effort I have made to give up gambling for good so my methods are likely to show flaws. I will be keeping a recovery diary so, if I am proved wrong, then I will adapt my method to suit.
I know I've rambled but I guess there's a lot I have never really talked about.
Thanks again, so much, for your replies 🙂
Day 3 and Counting...
P
Being honest is never a bad thing. Well done on that. tri
Thats fine in that I want your honesty and you are being honest about it
I wouldnt say that everything will trigger you and I accept that the lottery for example or scratchcards just isnt a trigger for me. I couldnt care less about them and a tedious filling a ticket out was just a one off where I was depressed about the odds more than anything. I have never gambled on horses, football and dogs becaue it doesnt spark me...too much like real gambling if you get my drift...I was an escape gambler that never even had the bottle to really gamble if you understand what Im trying to say.
I have to say this as part of my recovery that its pathetic how I gambled but minimum stakes every 3 seconds will clean anyone out fast
Im a trance gambler and whoever invented the one armed bandits tapped right into my vein
I havent played the lottery during my period of abstention. I have never gambled online...again its not a trigger because my mind wont accept signing up and distance gambling...Im not complacent though and anything that changes or could change my mindset is monitored.
Rather than going into B3 machines vs older types I think its more a question of reality and being out of control. Im not having a go but tend to dispute the professional player on any type of fruit machine or FOBT. They have got more cynical but the jackpots increased and its worse than it ever was in terms of addiction.
Ive met them all over the years...just look inside at the coin holder etc etc......its ready to go mate.....no hit that button...ooops it lost..Funny how they were mainly just hovering and then asking for a pound or two to play themselves
I know the older machines and I was the type of addicted mug that would also play them in travelling fairs where the regulators have a tougher time of monitoring the payouts to put it mildly.
Theres no shame in admitting that it got to you and you do know that its a downfall which happens sooner rather than later.
I was never in control and tried to forget the memories of spending £1000 in a Scottish arcade when I should have been sightseeing and shopping. I wasnt even having fun...its was like a numb trance more than anything as chemical feelings tried to make me feel above depressed. Its hard to explain...I dont even think the chemical rushes made me feel good...I was just an addict propping up a machine and wanting it to love me. The more I learnt about gambling in counselling, I also wanted that machine to punish me for my low self esteem issues
I would be sacred to even try and add up every £70 and £100 blown in a pub machine. Sure Ive had coins fall into the tray but I couldnt stop and I wasnt even playing to win anything that would have made a real difference. Cleaning my wallet out made a huge problem though and I still cant fully understand why I did it. I never thought I could get addicted to anything.
Im so glad I finally had my born again moment and admitted to a serious gambling addiction
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect and freedom
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi Joyrider, thanks for your message.
I know the trance well, it's one I repeatedly fell into playing FOBTs where the result is both inevitable and irrelevant. When you walk away with a win but you feel just as bad as if you've lost then you know it's beaten you (the psychology being that you know it's only a matter of time before it's gone again I guess).
I know those types of machine players well, the type who will give you (bad) advice then jump on a machine as soon as you lose. I can, almost categorically, say that since the £100 jackpots came out, there are no 'Pro' players in the pubs.
Please don't get me wrong, I have a problem with gambling, that's why I'm here on the forum (and why I have a tally on my desk of gamble-free days). It's like I had two lives, the professional player who sought out certain machines, played slowly, intelligently and treated it like a job and then the addict, playing everything and everything, just hitting buttons and waiting to lose. Somewhere along the line, the two got blurred and now the first guy is well and truly dead and I have to now slay the second one who has taken over my life (I like an analogy!)
Thanks again for your post, I'm meeting a friend at the pub tonight so, again, temptation will be a factor but I can't wait to beat it and come back tomorrow on Day 4 🙂
Day 4...Still gamble free.
I don't know whether it is because of the gambling (or lack of) or the fact that I have run out of coffee in my office BUT I have definitely slept better the last 3 nights (hope it's the gambling as this is definitely another motivation to quit). It's early days but I'm already experiencing the joys of waking up regret-free. Getting up at 6am in -3 degrees is never going to be fun but knowing the day's work will not all be in vain (hopefully!) makes it a little less depressing.
I have a post-it note on one of my monitors at work which is simply entitiled (THE most important post-it in the world) and it is keeping a tally of gf days (3 completed so far and many more to go). I have, as I read in another user's recovery diary, built a "GF moneybox" which I am putting a crisp £10 note in everyday. I work for a tech company so contemplating picking up a cheap note-mech from an old fruit machine and building it into a piggy bank...it would be a daily reminder and kinda cool.
I don't know if it is possible for admin to move this to the diaries section (save me starting again) as I plan to post daily.
Have a good GF day everyone.
Phil
Hi Phil
Very interesting reading your story and unlike yourself and a few others that have commented on this post my niche was horses,football and rugby mainly horses though. The two things we all have in common is 1, the compulsiveness that comes with the gambling (seeking that big win but we never quit whilst ahead do we ?) 2, the desire to beat this addiction/illness.
Well done on 4 days gamble free I am now on day 24 and at this moment I can say I have not thought about gambling again but seen as I have probably lost my marriage and family life with our 2 sons over being caught out for a 3rd time and I am so ashamed and embarrassed over this gambling addiction as I had a strong support network around me to help me on the gambling front but chose to ignore it and be in my own gambling world full of lies and deceit and now I have to pay the consequences for this. I know there will be days in the future where gambling will enter my head and these will be the hard days, but I can honestly say I never want to gamble again and build my reputation back up with the people I have hurt if at all possible.
I am taking it one day at a time and know it's gunna be a long old process, guy luck yourself and I will look out for you posts
All the Best
Darren
Thanks Darren,
I know my messages may have come across a little rude in places which was never my intention. In essence, I was just trying to explain my background and how I ended up in the situation I am in. The common line with fruit/slot machines was always "There's only one winner" but, in fact, at the time there WERE two (The machine companies and us). We had a good run of a few years and lived an indulgent lifestyle (which, retrospectively, was a disaster as not only did we not put anything aside for the times to come, we lost sight of the value of money).
Now, come 2017 (although the death knells were pretty loud for the professional player aroud 2015) I found myself lumbered with a gambling addiction and a taste for a lifestyle I couldn't afford and I have admitted defeat.
It is now a case of taking each day and putting stopping at the forefront of my mind. Whilst I agree that exclusions, blocking etc. will work for many, I am taking quite the opposite approach. I have been to the pub every day this week and looked at the machines. It sounds ridiculous but, in some way, by NOT playing and walking out just the price of a couple of pints lighter, I have, once again, beaten them.
Thanks again for your post and very well done on 24 days, I look forward to following your recovery as I battle on with mine.
Have a great day.
Phil
Admin...Is there any chance you can move this the recovery diaries category? Thanks 🙂
Hi Phil83
Moved for you.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Thanks admin.
Personally, I think a diary will be my best tool in recovery so thankyou for that.
Day 4 (still...don't Fridays drag!) and counting
Welcome to the diary section Phil. Good luck with your diary but please support others on their's also. thanks tri x
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