To be or not to be...

So... Here we are. 

It's a glorious Easter weekend, sun is shining and I'm sat in isolation drinking a beer with my wife. All seems OK just now until a recall what a mess I've been in over the last few months. 

It a started as a young age, using my paper round money to go down to the arcade. From there I progressed into online poker - which to be honest I was very successful at, sustaining my university finances through poker. I'd often find myself down at my local casino playing live tournaments and winning weekly to keep myself afloat. From there we started doing the odd accumulator, which turned into a weekend accumulators and from there midweek football. Nothing was ever enough.

I thought I'd given up on gambling nearly 2 years ago, having a literal break down on my 30th birthday, admitting the troubles I'd encountered and thus signed up to gamstop. All was well and I never looked back. Ubt about 5 months ago... 

It was all going so well ubtjm one Friday afternoon sat in my car at work. The boys at work love a football bet and although I'd avoided the temptation for over a year it seemed my subconcous had caved. I found myself contacting gamstop and ending my self exclusion period. I was panicked that it took so long, I wanted to bet this weekend not next and thus created an account under a different email and alias and all was verified. I was back.

Sadly that weekend I won a lot (to me) and that was that. Hooked again. The coming weeks were controlled maybe 50 quid a week, I knew I'd win on the Inpkay markets at weekends which I regularly did. It was all good until I started looking for bigger wins. Then came the slots.

I'd never been one for online slots, even playing them I knew I was losing despite the big wins. I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into a hole I would struggle to get out of. Sadly the credit card ban was all to late for me as I'd already exhausted credit on one account. 

Go back about 5 weeks and I had coipius a mounts. I could have repeated the majority of debt and I was excited for life. I told myself you will self exclude again and get your life back on track, but I never. I let it consume me. Every 2 hours or so I'd be back on slots, I fact pre covid I had lost all interest in football betting and solely focused on slots. Each week was losing during the week, winning at weekends, normally stayibg up to stupid hours to do so. 

It all came crashing down this Wednesday. I spent a ridiculous amount on slots, won it all back, cancelled withdrawles and bet it again. The next morning I woke up needing to be sick, which I done about 4 times. I knew I'd reached the end, I came clean with my wife and now best friends about it and I can't explain how good it feels. 

I'm. Now 3 days clean, in sat enjoying my beer with the Co many of my wife, not the company of online casinos. I will get passed this, I've had some bad withdrawl symptoms, but I deserve everything that's thrown at me. I am responsible. My wife has trusted me again to get through this and I will, not just for me but for her. 

Let's aim small and keep going. 

Currently lifting my glass for everyone on here that is struggling and we Will beat this together. 

Thanks 

Xxxxx