Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

DAY 138

lovely weekend, peaceful, I felt relaxed and Palace won. All set for another week at work, 9 working days left until the Easter Holiday and payday. Budgeting well, things working out well, myself and both sets up of my parents are working together as a team. Everything paid for, car done, food in cupboards and debts coming down. I will be buying myself some summer clothes hopefully out of the next four pay packets as I am getting my commission now. Guinea Pigs are fine, life is on the up.

Have a great day everyone x

Day 139, slept well, shaved, awake, content, comfortable, have money, getting some urges but not acting on them, eleven days until 150 days gamble free! Happy

Nice to see you in a good place Wilsy, with things running along nice and smoothly, who needs gambling eh!

Shaun

Cheers Shaun, it's about routine for me, keeping it simple, enjoying my own company, not getting involved with any women and just working and keeping my head down as well as keeping my brain occupied. Think I'll keep things the way they are for a very long time, why complicate things, women cost money! haha

DAY 140

went to bed around 9.30, slept throught to 5.00am, woke up then went back to sleep until 7.30 and now I've got a banging migraine so won't sleep for that long again!

All is good generally, smashing it at work, taking my niece to the cinema on the weekend to see that Peter Rabbit film or whatever it is, she and I will like that. Eating like a beast, sleeping well, keeping my life simple, enjoying my own time, feeling less anxious worrrying about other people who don't care about me. Easter next weekend, time with the family, football match against Liverpool, payday around the corner, car running better and guinea pig 100% better so all in all, life is much, much better.

Have a safe and postive day everyone x

Hi Wilsy,

It's great to read read that you are in a happier place now. Keep doing what you are doing and life can get even better.

Best wishes

Thanks Paul, so am I it's been a long time coming and I am trying hard, isolation is working, friends and family supportive, all's good at the mo

DAY 141

bought everyone some lovely cakes from a bakers today as a treat and because I never got any on my birthday back in November. We had some fun because one of them has been nagging me for months and he is out today, so we took a picture of me sitting in front of 22 cakes and we emailed him haha, have it!!

Work is going well, no banging migraine today. At my parents on the weekend as they are away trialing a new caravan they have just brought, ready to take to France with them. Pay day a week today, money is lasting longer, paying my way and not relyingon others anymore, progress is slow but is certain as long as I keep my hands clean and remain gamble free.

Have a good day everyone x

Great post wilsy. ..
Keep on...keeping on..
Well done to you x

DAY 142

sorry for the confusion to anyone who reads my diary, I wanted to change my username and subject title for privacy reasons. Not feeling my best today, couldn't get to sleep and didn't sleep well, feeling quite low today and the noise in the office at work is just going straight through me today.

Not very talkative so will stop right there and i need to be awake and aware that I am vunerable again right now.

Thanks Loxxie for your post x

145 days now, not feeling my normal self today, have a few stresses and feeling lathargic and tired. Want the day to end already so can go home and relax. Think I am feeling down as I have £1110 to pay out end of month and just wish it was so much less. Patience is being tested, I know by abstaining I am not wasting money but at the same time those bloody urges are trying to tell me to go back to it, it's the only way etc etc, just got to keep telling myself that in the past that has never worked, it has made my postion more unbearable. Just need to remain strong, might even try and stop counting the days as I am feeling more under pressure than before because I have never abstained this long before.

Day 146, taking a break from the Forum for a while, I've sadly lost interest in using it but was thankful for it when I needed it most. Will be back if and when ready and will try my best to remain gamble free.

Hi,

Forgive me if I've gotten this wrong but you sound like you are in a not so good place. I have been there myself from time to time and found that isolating may not be the best way to go. It's your call but if you have taken comfort from this place before maybe hang out for awhile. You don't need to write on diaries if you are not up to it. You are always welcome. Thoughts are with you.

Hi mate .... have to agree with Judy, sounds as if your not in a great place right now but hang in there, you have done 146 days gf which is some achievement, its a matter of getting through those bad days which i know can so hard sometimes.Have seen people leave the fourm, myself included, and almost instantly return to gambling, really dont want to see you go down that path....as said above its your call but hang in there mate and what ever you decide to do i wish you well.

Hi Judy and Chartom for your support, I'm going to take your advise and hang in there and continue to use the forum. I am not in a great place right now with many things but I'll try my best to stay strong. Just feel less interested in posting and I have been so supportive of others in the past, I just don't feel I have the energy to do much right now, hopefully I'll feel better soon. I've had to change my username and subject title to get my privacy back but even doing this doesn't mean that there won't be prying eyes and I want to keep my thoughts private to me and fellow recovering gamblers. I feel a relapse coming on because I feel tired of fighting this sometimes and I have things bothering me. I know gambling isn't the answer.

Will check in again soon.. Wilsy