Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Take care Wilsy. Your gamble free journey has been excellent and here you are nearly 5 months away from your last bet. You have also supported many others on the diaries.

Your gamcare friends are in your corner and want you to have peace, contentment and happiness...stephen

Day 148

thanks Stephen. I am limping towards 5.00pm and four days off. Work are going up the pub but I just want to go home. I am sleep deprived and absolutely shattered. Football on Saturday and I'm going to the cinema with a friend on Sunday. All outgoings paid out over a grands worth but at least I'm responsible and have paid my bills.

Have a great Easter weekend everyone!

Day 149 went up the pub with work really enjoyed myself, had a lay in today and then had a lazy afternoon as the weather was s**t. Day 150 tomorrow and a crystal palace win would be nice

Hi Wilsey hope you are ok sorry your feeling a bit down . You have done so well i hope you can find the strength to keep fighting this evil you are a inspiration to me and others i really appreciated your kind words when i first joined . Hope you have a loverly weekend take care of yourself Bambi x

Congratulations Wilsy in 150 days gamble free. Excellent progress by a worthy gamcare champion.

You have earned respect from gamcare friends for your resilience and determination in battling the gambling addiction. Personal issues could have dragged you down but you have stayed strong.

Wishing you well as you progress on your gamble free adventure...stephen

Hi Wilsy hope you're enjoying the long weekend and congratulations on 150 days, an amazing achievement, take care S:)

Hi Wilsey congratulations on 150 days! You see your such an inspiration to me and others, have a great Easter Wilsey bestest wishes x Lulu x

Hiya again Wilsey just read back on your diary and see that you’ve not been in good place sorry I missed that because you can use support, just want to say I agree with the others, isolating yourself isn’t really good for you and please let us support you as you have us, take time out for yourself but don’t isolate please Wilsey we all need each other. Anyway lots of best wishes and hope you feel brighter soon as. X Lulu x

Hi Wilsy,

Sorry to hear you've been feeling down but like you say, gambling isn't the answer. It is a recipe for disaster. You're doing so good getting to 151 days without gambling. It was never going to be an easy journey so try and look at the positives you've gained from staying gamble free. I know the feeling of "whats the point" I fee like this from time to time as I am still paying the penatlies for 12 years of gambling so never have any money so don't feel any better off, I just live in hope that the day will come where my debts are repaid and can start living a 'normal' life.

Keep strong my friend

James

Day 154

just checking in because i've wanted to remain isolated and quiet for a while, it's making me feel more relaxed and less anxious. I know that by not seeing people in the long run it isn't healthy but it's how I feel at the moment, I am just happy on my own. Paid out an awful lot this month already but that is okay, it show's I am responsible and I have a couple of hundred left for myself for the month. The football season is drawing to a climax, it's nail biting stuff. Brother's 40th next weekend so we're all going out for a family meal which will be nice but tiring for me as I am not used to so much noise and conversations all happening at the same time. Trying to be kind to myself at moment, I'll be fine, life could be so much worse and I'm fortunate to have the family and friends I have to support me. Going to the cinema on Saturday night with a friend, going to try that Ghost Stories.

Thanks everyone for your posts of support recently, I have really appreciated it.

Wilsy x

day 1 again got to day 155, feeling very low and angry with myself but sympathetic towards myself as well because this is an awfully powerful and dreadful addiction. Don't know how to pick myself up right now, will be seeking additional support with some conselling again. Just for a first day I will get back on track and will try to relax and not worry too much, 155 days was brilliant and I can do it again, I am just wondering if relapses will always happen, it's how I deal with what is done so I can move forward. Arrrggghhh!!!

Day 2, feeling a bit better today, I've analysed everything and even tho i was disappointed that I let my guards down and still am, the relapse wasn't a bad one and I only lost £50. I will keep 155 days in my thoughts as a target for this time round to beat. Looking positively the more days I can abstain the better off I'll be, I'll accept relapses are likely I am not going to fool myself, this is a life long battle and for me personally, I don't think I'll abstain forever, I'm going to have slips sadly on and off, it's about keeping those loses to a bear minimum. Onwards and Upwards, I won't let this bring me down.

Struggling day 1 again today after another small loss, now taken steps to register as a volunteer with Gamstop to prevent me from doing any online stuff and am self excluding everywhere. Losses are a minimum but once you start up again, it's so hard to get back on track. I will get back on the right road again, just need to remember I've done it before and can do it again. Run out of my medication, need to get my perscription and get back on them as I'm feeling a little low and the mind is clouded. Hope I find the strength from somewhere.

Still struggling so going to get alternative help and am going to take a thinking break will be back..

Hey Willsy,

Sorry that I have not been on hand to offer support recently. Getting to >150 days is fantastic and losing control for one day, one moment, shoudl not be a reason to bring you down - as you rightly say, you have had a small relapse, you have lost a small amount of money and you were able to cap that loss.

We go again.

I too wanted a bit of privacy, I wanted to get away from the community as I put my mind to other things and tried to focus on beating this by being in my bubble.

Do not over analyze things on your thinking break. Do not beat yourself up. Yes, we took wrong turns, but you are a good person. You write such wonderful messages of support to others and you have it in your heart to help others. You are volunteering as a helper. You are a good person.

Keep fighting