Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Thanks Paul and Must Stop. I'm just feeling personally low right now often do around my Birthday and Christmas as I am very lonely and work is a struggle. I will of course focus on my GF days, I am very determined and positive in that aspect.

Thanks for your support

'Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Wilsy, happy birthday to you'

I know I'm a couple of hours early but I won't have time to write in morning.
Wishing you a wonderful day.
Don't be lonely. Remember we're all in this together, walking side by side. Enjoy!x

DAY 27

Ha ha thanks Little Miss Lot, 42 today, feeling happier, it's amazing what a new jumper and toiletries brighten up someones day! I'm being bombarded with well wishers on my facebook, makes me humbled to know how many good friends I actually have and who really cares. Today I have a half day and am heading to my mums for a bite to eat and to watch the football tonight, main thing is that I don't spend it on my own.

No gambling urges whatsoever and my guard will always stay up.

Just for today as it is my birthday I will smile and try enjoy myself! xx

Happy Birthday Wilsy!!

So you have friends who care about you, a family supporting you and you are not gambling. I'd say you have quite a lot to smile about.

Have a great day.

DAY 28

Thanks Must Stop, yes I realised yesterday how many good friends I have who care about me by all the best wishes messages I received on facebook, made me feel happy. Had a lovely Birthday, just took half the day off and went and spent time with my family, watched the football and had a lovely curry.

Today I am adament more than ever to continue my recovery and change my life forever. I get paid tomorrow and am looking forward to paying my debts and family back and it doesn't bother me if I leave myself with virtually nothing as I know I will be supported if I run out and need petrol or food later in the month.

Have no urges whatsoever to gamble but will remain on guard, not for a second will I consider wagering another penny and I know I have people to call if I feel weak.

Just for another day I will try and live my life normally away from the stress and devastation that gambling brings.

My name is Andrew Wilson I am a compulsive gambler, I didn't choose to be this way but I will accept it and live with it.

Wilsy stepping forward and never back.

DAY 29

Pay day and on guard but feeling fine, no urges. Have actually enjoyed paying some debts back this morning, pay out as much as I can to family and friends who have helped me, it feels satisfying. Difficult being deep into my overdraft hours after being paid but that is life, deal with it.

Doctors at 4.15 today.

Just for another day I have absolutely no interest in gambling because I want a better life.

Well done Wilsy! I get paid tomorrow so I'm going to do the same, the less money I have at my disposal the better. You're doing great, best wishes, Joanne

Well done Wilsy. You are doing great. Hope you get on ok at doctors later.

DAY 30

Thanks Joanne Isla and Paul for your support.

Day 30 today and no urges, survived payday and still on guard. Have pretty much paid out everything I needed to apart from my rent which is due on the 21st. Unfortunately had to tax my car today and lost my documentation so had to pay £132 for six months tax and pay another £25 for new paperwork to be sent through so this was unaccounted for as I wanted to set up direct debit payments and that idea went out the window when I couldn't find what I needed last night. I now have £50 to last the month so I am sort of screwed but at least I haven't gambled a penny and I'm sure I'll get some help later in the month when I need some fuel and food. Won't be able to buy any Christmas presents for anyone but at least my parents can see I am trying, I have sent them pictures of all receipts and emailed them copies of my bank transactions daily, so they can see I am not gambling.

Doctors went fine, I don't need to go back for three months. The medication is taking the edge off my depression, I am feeling more positive about my situation and where I need to get to and they have said as long as I keep away from gambling, my situation will get better which I know.

Looking forward to breaking up for the year and can't help but think I just want the next payday to come so I can pay out more and reduce further my debts.

My overdraft is an issue I would like to get rid of it but cannot. Step Change could add it to my existing debt management plan but that would mean I lose my bank account and I can't be dealing with the agro. For now it will have to remain maxed out and I'll pay the £26 interest each month, there isn't another way around it.

Might ask mum if can go over hers again this weekend to watch the football and watch El Chapo on Netflix which I recomend to anyone who liked Narko's. My place is a right tip so tonight I am going to try to takle my washing up which is everywhere, I haven't a clean plate in site.

My name is Andrew Wilson, I suffer with a gambling addiction/illness and for another day I will not entertain for one second the thought of wasting my money and I can't win because I can't stop.

You're doing great Andrew. Keep it going and your life can only improve. I bet your family are loving the new you! X

Nice one Andrew ☺

Keep on keeping on! It will keep getting better!

S&B xx

DAY 33

Thanks Little Miss Lot and S_J_B for your support, my family have hardly seen me so I can't tell if they love the new Andrew or not, I think they are more nervous than anything.

Well another weekend passed the test, apart from getting myself a chinese, f**s and some much needed razor blades on Friday, I didn't spend a penny over the weekend, I didn't even go out. Having no urges whatsoever but I know they will surface at some point. Back at work for another week, I already feel ready for holiday season, this year has been very long and tiring. Going to get my hair cut after work it has been about 2 months, I might feel more myself then. Medication working, not feeling as depressed but I suppose the 'not losing money' on a daily basis also contributes to my upturn in mood.

Hope everyone has a safe and content week.

Just for another day gambling doesn't have a part in my life as I won't let it!

DAY 34

Just plodding along. Have a few friends that are messaging me constantly at the moment about how much they are losing, how on their arses they are, how they are borrowing to please their urges and I've had to block one of them as I am really not interested. Don't get me wrong I was in their position over a month ago, desperately chasing and being destructive but when I am trying my best to abstain, I really don't need them talking to me about their losses every day. It is a stark reminder that you really do have to hit rock bottom before giving up which these guys haven't hit yet and no matter the amount of encouragement I give them to try and stop, they won't listen. I am not concerning myself with them anymore, my priority is myself and making a better future for myself.

Just for another day I have no interest in having a bet, I have no urges and that's how I want it to remain. Always on guard and eyes are open.

Wilsy stepping forward and never back.

Makes a lot of sense to do that Wilsy. Enjoying reading your diary. I don't often post but im reading it. All the best mate.

Just had a quick read of your diary, you've made a great start in your recovery.
Be proud of what you have already achieved(34 days GF)and remain on the right path.
Keep going Wilsy.
Breakfree