Hello to anyone that reads this.
I have gambled for the last 7 years off and on losing thousands of pounds I know I can never get back. I still pay the debts that I built up doing this rediculious addiction.
I would ( note would ) get all excited about the idea of going shopping on my own. I would move so quick around the shops it was like a workout. I would dread seeing anyone I knew as that would slow me down. All the time I was " shopping " I had one thought, to get it over and done with so I could go into the likes of *** or other to play on the slots. I loved the fact the staff in there would welcome me with a " coffee Kay " it made me feel part of something. I had not had that feeling for such a long time and it felt so good. I would find myself, once the first £200 had gone shouting " can you hold this machine for me " the reply was always " no problem Kay " I would literally run to the cash point to draw out another £200 run back and carry on where I left off only to lose that as well. It was crazy If I won £100 I thought my luck was in when infact I had lost £300 getting it!!
Im not quite sure what happened 26 days ago but I kind of woke up, or it could have been I didnt have my car 🙂 but I stopped going into these places. I contacted them to say that person you give coffee to as a problem. I filled out not one form but several and took them to these places to self exclude myself for 5 whole years. It was difficult to say the least handing these forms in, I was in panic mode thinking this will be it I will lose my "friends " but I did it.
At the moment I feel ok, lonely if Im honest as this as been part of my life for so long, but im getting used to it. My daughter as just announced she is getting married and although I thought " if only I had not lost all that money " I know there is nothing I can do about that. But I can do something about the future..... I will keep this diary up and maybe I will gain real friendship. Thank you for reading this and wish me luck xxx
Kay
Kay, I will be following your diary and I think 26 days is amazing, those people weren't your friends, would friends let you squander £1,000's?I know exactly how you feel though, slots are my downfall (although online, I have never been into a shop).I have spent every month scraping by as I have gambled my wages.This month will be the last month.If you are ever feeling lonely hopefully i can be some support to you.Imagine the double elation you will feel watching your daughter get married whilst knowing you haven't gambled for x amount of days :).
Good luck Fran we are all here in same boat a will be keeping an eye out for your posts an will have my support along the way. Please use site every day cause if you don't you will fall back into your own ways. We are in this together an having another bet means your not letting just yourself down it's everyone else within the site. I know cause av been trying too stop for 14 years an I have always ended up back at square one with nothing but not now am going too stay gamble free this time. Stay strong an keep posting good luck speak soon
Thank you so much for the replies they give me strenght x
Welcome and well done for your abstinence so far - that's brilliant.
It can be hard to let go - despite it being the worst thing possible for us, gambling itself can feel like a warm place to go to, as can the institutions that offer it. The people you meet on the way can feel like friends. You sometimes can feel like you're in a nice community, or perhaps like you're a big shot and leading an exciting life and everyone is on your side. But it's all a sham - and realising this is the best thing that will ever happen to you.
I think escapism is a big part of gambling for a lot of people - I think it definitely was for me. Not necessarily escaping from anything in particular - just escaping the mundaneness of everyday life really (and any problems which life would throw up). Gambling is such a false situation - I loved casinos... the whir of the tables, the lighting, the staff being respectful and courteous, maybe a drink on the house, no clocks or sense of time, or day, or weather or life or reality in any form.
Obviously there is some part of that which is completely thrilling and enticing to us and that keeps us going back for more even when it is so horribly punishing.
But when you finally step away from it all and come blinking into the light, you realise what an empty sham these institutions are - pure money making cattle farms, with us as the cattle willingly being milked and slaughtered while they smile at us. I know that's a slightly dramatic description..! But let's face it, it's true.
Welcome to the normal world again - for all its faults, it is MUCH preferable out here than back in there. Stay here. And enjoy. Good luck and keep writing to let us know how you're doing.
Ross
Thank you so much Ross x
Today I went for a little walk. And ? I hear you say. It was the first time I have walked past a gambling place without going in. Granted I was like one of them horses they lead to the start line with blinkers on ( not there not there ) but I did it.
As a reward I brought myself a great big fat cream cake 🙂
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