Well, here we go.

Dear @mrb123

Thank you for taking the time to post and talking so openly about your gambling experiences.  I can see that you are concerned for your girlfriend and the impact on her, this is understandable but it's really encouraging that you have recognised your problem gambling and have such a lot of insight into how it affects you both. As well as helping and supporting individuals who gamble, we are also here for those affected by gambling, a family member or friend, so please let her know that she can contact us at any time to chat or for information. We have a forum and chatroom especially for affected others and she would be very welcome to observe or join these groups.  

I am hoping that you have the right medication and the right support for your ADHD and BPD because the stress of all of this can potentially exacerbate your existing mental health difficulties. It is important that you look after yourself and that you keep well physically and mentally. Talking can be really helpful and effective, so please keep talking to us, you can call on the helpline number 0808 8020 133 or make contact using the netline at any time by following this link - https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/

Please keep posting and sharing. 

Kind regards

Jo

Forum admin

Hi mrb having gambling issues on top of mental health issues makes it a lot harder to cope with you have been brave to share. I also have bpd so I know how horrible the intense feelings are.

Your in the right place and it's good you recognise how much gambling affected you life. It's good you renewed gamstop I also did 6 months i wouldn't have pressed the button if the 5 year option was only available. If I found a site not covered by gamstop (I dont go searching anymore but sometimes I get a text from a company and look it up) I straight away self exclude from as many as possible even if it means doing it individually the more blocks you have in place the better.

Also consider asking your bank if they can block gambling transactions or switch banks to one like monzo..if your struggling with any debt get debt advice I let it build up and build up earlier you can seek money advice and take control the better..

You can get through this 

Loulou x

ok to boil it all down for you ,you have a gambling addiction

although it helps us to soothe our conscious how you got to this point isn't really important at the moment , its more how are you going to get past this point 

hand over your finances to someone you can trust , open up to freinds family and get the blocks in place whilst you build up some resilience to it 

hi,

I am fully aware I have a gambling problem and I had no intention of this indicating otherwise 🙂

I am being completely transparent with my girlfrriend, which includes giving her full control of my finances. I have confided in a close friend too. This post serves as a way for me to keep track, and also writing it is a form of me gettting past this. Being on this website, live chats, forums; all part of that process. Signed up to gamban on my phone and laptop. This is another cog in my recovery wheel.

Thanks for your concern advice my friend

Posted by: mrb123

Hi everyone,

I'm 23 years old, a student, and addicted to slots. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and ADHD. I take medication for it which allows me to focus, albeit perhaps too much. It allows me too form routines and patterns, which would otherwwise be unobtainable: and without them, there are numerous mental health related symptoms/ issues that would occur. So, whilst on the neccessary and lifesaving, medication it is incredibly easy to have similar responses to the routines, that I would have to an addiction. so... somehow I got addicted and allowed for slots to become apart of a routine. 

I intend for this post to serve as a diary, that will hopefully allow me to articulate my thoughts and feelings, and periodically seek advice. Also, theres no spell check on here so, apologies for that.

*I am going to add and elaborate on a number of things over time, so some of it may read like bullet points for a bit.

So, today officially marks the day I quit gambling. Although, it was yesterday that I confessed to my girlfriend I had lost the entire student loan, just several days after receiving it - and I had technically gambled after midnight the previous day... so today it is.

I really don't know where to start so ill try to give a brief description of a brief history

(bare in mind these details are somewhat fuzzy and I can't vouch for their precision) I started playing slots around the second installment of my student loan, in my first year of university. So, roughly around 18 months ago, im not sure. I put some money on a casino website, £10 I think, and gave slots a go. I lost, I think. I was pretty gutted I had lost tbh, because I found it fun. I think I made it a couple days before I went back. I lost some, made some, and the ball started rolling. Like many, at first I didn't deposit more than I could afford. I guess I tucked the slots away for a bit until the next loan came it, and thats when it got gradually worse and worse. A year ago, I lost all the money that wasn't a part of my financial responsibility. I identified it as a problem and got on gamstop - 6 months. Throughout the 6 months of gamstop I searched for casinos not on it roughly 10 times, I suppose in comparison to the severity of the problem, that wasn't too signifiicant. I managed to find a couple and lost some money, probably the minimum before excluding myself from those too. I told my girlfriend about the self exclusion, I said i'm worried the slots are a problem, so I self excluded for 6 months (***reminder for further development on this in the future). After the exclusion ended I didn't remove it, not for several months I think, and it was half because I didn't think about slots, and half because I knew it was for the best. (add history leading up to 2 days ago). So this is all I can write at the moment and I will try to update it in time. Long story short for now: lost all of my recent student loan just days after getting it, couldn't stop myself, didn't consider anything outside of the slots, didn't consider what I was doing, have nothing now, told my girlfriend, went under a huge self realisation of the amount of nondisclosure-lying I had done to her. I had no idea. I had previously thought I was a great boyfriend, I really tried to be, but when all of the lying was exposed... I clearly wasn't. I didn't even know I had done that, I didn't know I had intentionally lied so much to her. I am devastated, as is she, right now. For me, whilst the lost money is a concern, the devastation primarily stems from the lack of consideration I had over so many things. I can't get my head around why I didn't consider my girlfriend, and I try to explain that whilst I didn't consider her, I didn't consider anything, and the lack of consideration is not a reflection on the real me she knew/knows and loves (hopefully not /ed). 

I don't want my lack of acknowledgement to be seen as avoiding blame or consequences, as I fully know I did it now, I know I have a problem, I know it's my fault.

anyway, i'll leave it there until tomorrow.

05/05/ 2020. I thought it would allow me to edit previous posts, but i cant see the option. Day 2 of the future, today is better than yesterday, which was better than the day before. I'm experiencing a number of feelings. The most prevalent of them is guilt: guilt about everything, the money lost, the damage i've done to my girlfriend, and the damage i've done to our relationship. As my girlfriend said, its also important that I want to get rid of my addiction for me, and not just because I feel bad for what I have done to her. I have been keeping myself busy, got an exam tomorrow so that will keep me busy. Been playing a game on my phone (pubg) which has been so useful in proving to me that I can have fun, and I can be interested in something, and lookforward to something, outside of slots.

One day at a time : )

It's been a while since I've posted. I'm doing well, over a week without gambling and honestly I haven't really thought about it. Started the therapy thing through gamcare. Everything is starting to feel okay again 🙂

I hope you're all doing well