What a day!

Funny how things seem to fall into place when everything in life is more balanced and it certainly sounds that way for you.

Have a lovely weekend and thank you for dropping by so often it is much appreciated.

xxx

Thanks x

Day 222

Quick post from nightshift. I dread this shift, yet once Im here I actually enjoy the work 🙂

Irene,

i think you have captured a little snippet which should drive us all to stop for ever, I think that we all learn to enjoy everything in life, and that includes work that we dread. Very well done, and you should feel proud.

have a great weekend

Phil

thanks Phil x

Day223

Just heading to start another nightshift. Strangely, i dont have the usual feeling of dread-maybe because I had a really good kip today 🙂

Nothing much to report. Sons due home from hols so popped to supermarket to replenish his fridge stock (nothing worse than arriving home to no grub!)

Sis is due home wed- cant wait! her lazy labs been missing her and me n paddy can get back to our normal daily routine!

Hi Irene,

Thank you for your post it's most appreciated. Well looks like day 224 for you! Congratulations and keep striding forward, you are such a big inspiration to us all.

Hope work not too hard and glad you enjoy it:-)

Hopefully catch up in chat some time

Take care

Sandra x

Day 224=32 week

Feeling a reflective today- usually happens after too much wine, or when tired. Unfortunately, it's the latter! Anyhow, I've been thinking about how this gambling lark got a grip of me.

I remember always enjoying a wee gamble- small bets on rare ocaissions. I found online bingo several years ago and enjoyed playing there- wee bets and wee wins/losses. I think the worst thing that happened was finding the slots on the sites where I started to bet more heavily and win more (when I did). The greed crept in around the same time as a difficult autumn last year. A massive win (I'd started to recognise although not fully admit the problem) which I spectacularly lost in one afternoon exactly 32 weeks ago. This prompted me to seek help.

I've read on here that people often seek solace after a big loss, and then disappear. I don't want this to be me. I'm acutely aware that the 1st anniversary is looming and I can't use that as an excuse to go backwards.

Since stopping, I've noticed lots of ways that my life was affected by gambling. There's the obvious financial impact (a shedload of debt for me!). However, there's also the other consequences.....relationships with family have been and still are affected- I've not discussed my gambling problem with immediate family. I still have to lie to explain my lack of disposable income. I blush with shame when anyone suggests any form of gambling activity- that's a strange one-its like I'm expecting people to know the real reason I'm saying "no" to lottery, scratchcards etc............like they'll know my big secret. Yes, I am embarrassed about losing control- its something I rarely do in any aspect of life.

I didn't want this to become a rant entry, or a self pitying entry..........just a stark reminder to myself of how easy it is to make mistakes in life, and how ruddy hard it can be to rectify them.

People on here initially promised me that life would become better as the time between me and gambling lapsed. They were right!

to date:

Debt plan in place

Less socially isolated-I often spend leisure time with people (instead of alone in front of a comp screen)

Self confidence improving

Enjoy chatting to family/friends (used to resent time spent not gambling)

I feel more "free"

I'm better at recognising and acknowledging when things aren't good for me and finding healthier ways to cope.

Life's not perfect. I'm not perfect. But that's OK!!!

32 weeks 🙂

Hey Irene,

thankyou for your post on my diary, just read your latest posts and sure that we all have very similar emotions. The shame of what we have done will hang around for a while, but let's use that in a positive way to achieve our day by day goals.

I have similar money legacies, and it can get to you, but at the same time there will be so much more life is giving us now. Keep up the great work a year will soon be upon you, you and many others provide an inspiration to us relative newcomers!!

have a great week

Phil

x

Thanks Phil

Day 225

Still OK!

Had a really rubbish start to the week- difficult situation before 10am!!! Doesn't bode well for the rest of the week!

Spent today panicking cos son hadn't text me- he's due back from hol early this morning (Irene catastrophizing as usual)......emmmm actually not due home until tomorrow morning!!! Will I ever stop worrying about my 25 year old baby?!

Been busy since arriving home- made some soup, walked dogs and tidied a bit. I deserve an early night I think 🙂

Hi ya... I hope your week is smoothing out a bit. Its good to read that am still just a few days behind you gambling free, cos it means that nothings changed and neither of us has gambled. Keep up the good work... regards.. S.A 🙂

Thanks folks x

Day 226

Worked late this evening. Today continued in the chaotic fashion it started- but hey, makes the day pass quickly.

Son came over tonight- he was full of holiday chat which was great! They had a ball 🙂

Not much thinking about gambling over past few days which is a bonus!

hey Irene

really enjoyed reading your posts- I totally get how you are feeling. And so admire your courage for being well over 200 days!!!- brilliant

take care

Stux

Cheers Stu

Day 227

Well, not sure what I'm going to write....actually I'm not sure how I feel. I've never been good at identifying or verbalising how I feel and its not getting any easier........things have always felt "good" or "bad" in my world.....today, I feel neither, and yet both.

I'm pleased that I'm not gambling. I'm pleased that I'm getting paid tomorrow. I'm pleased that I saw my happy son yesterday. I'm pleased that I'll see my sis tomorrow......so many things are good in my life right now so why don't I feel "good"?

This is so frustrating!!! I'm trying so hard to be positive yet still feel flat....I can't even identify anything that's negative just now......Jeez Irene, get a grip!!!!

Anyhow, I'm planning to be on this journey for the long haul.....that can only be good.

Hello Irene,

First congratulations on day 228! You doing very well and are huge inspiration for us all, so please keep up your high spirits and show us how it's done:)

I understand what you mean when you not sure how you feel, i'm afraid we do get days like that. I hope you have a good day today and even better tomorrow 🙂 wishing you all the best.

Stay strong and carry on:)

Sandra

Thanks Sandra x

Day 228 indeed

Today's been good. Payday today, which I've been looking forward to as it signals an evening in town with the girlies tomorrow- cocktails for me 🙂

Weekend plan- Fri eve out, Sat hangover (oops), Sun visiting pal and Sun eve nephew's coming to visit before his Great Adventure.

I spent a large part of last night worrying about how I feel- I've decided that worrying won't change how I feel (even if I can't describe the feelings!!!), so planning to just accept each day as it comes and enjoy the "good" days!!!!! This means that I'll also be able to have a moan on the "bad " days 🙂

Tomorrow's big decision- martini? marguerita? or a cheeky wee Cosmo?

Erm!! How about a Mojitto for the Queen? If not for yourself, then have one for me instead mmmm.

Have a great evening out Irene - you deserve it! Enjoy spending. Your hard earned salary on YOU!!

Take care and catch up soon.

Lady Feb.xx