Here I am, on day one again! Many years spent trying to beat this addiction and it always ends the same way. Just had a 5 year Gamstop end and instead of renewing I cancelled it and got straight online gambling on horses, dogs and football. I thought it would be different this time, I convinced myself I would just have some 'fun' smaller bets. I blew £2500 in three days and I have this morning signed up to Gamstop for another 5 years.
Locally I'm excluded from all the bookies and this is a help. Gamstop certainly worked until it expired. I have however found ways to gamble during the past few years which I won't state as I wouldn't want to give anyone any ideas. Most of these additional ways are now also excluded so it is pretty hard for me to gamble. Realistically it would involve a long drive for me to a shop I'm not excluded from.
I'm generally very busy in the summer and its the winter that causes the biggest issues. I just can't go on like this. I went well over 200 days without a bet and then gambled again. This pattern keeps repeating and everytime I slip I lose many thousands. This most recent £2500 slip is quite low compared to how it usually goes. Thankfully I have seen sense before doing anymore damage.
I've been attending GA, tried the NHS gambling service, tried counselling, tried having someone else control my money, tried it all. Nothing seems to work for me. I always end up gambling again.
I will try again, its day 1 and today I need to get through the day without gambling.
All we can do is keep fighting this addiction, if we get knocked down, just get back up again. I've had many relapses and lapses but I know deep down I can do it and il never stop trying to stop. Because we deserve a happy gamble free life
stace covers it well here!
You just have to keep fighting. I wouldn't be anywhere if I didn't go to GA in 2016. Yes I have ended up gambling a few times but it helped me get a part of my life back and away from the hell hole of gambling
Keep fighting it.
Dave101
We make sense of the present by the history of our pasts so in short you go back to what made sense before any new decision is made. What made sense before is obviously gambling. What does not make sense is loosing and you took a new decisions to put the blocks back on because of that. So you know what you did good.
One needs to be painfully aware of what this is a high. You could have been an alcoholic, drug addict s*x addict food. The list is long. You chose gambling as an addiction. It is all the same, it is a high and it about getting high and repeating your actions to get high. The longer you work on it the longer it takes to get the same high ie the runway becomes longer. You can make the chems in your brain balance again with five weeks of abstaining. You can not change memory. Memory just becomes diluted with time and usage so the story you tell yourself changes over time. You need to be mindful (aware) because that is how you can treat triggers. The Aussies are trying urge surfing now. Wich means they go head long into the fire and deal with each of the 3 triggers that can get you into a new high. Try and master that urge surfing and you may have a good new tool to deal with any future events. Be kind to yourself. we all fall. It is not about that it is about getting up again afterwards so always forgive. That is important.
I wish you well
C
Thanks for the replies, I managed to survive day one and get some work done. I'm not getting much out of GA at the moment if I'm honest. The meetings have started to bore me. I go to one a week, maybe I need to try a different meeting and see if that helps.
Todays focus will be on work and keeping my head straight.
Day 3, dull, bored, slightly depressed but no gambling today. Not much else to say really.
@w94s13z6li Three days is a fantastic achievement.
The way I'm looking at it, is I think that being dull, bored, slightly depressed and no gambling today is 1000 x better than being "dull, bored, slightly depressed and gambled today"
Hi
Thank you for your sharing.
I have been in the recovery program since 1969
I am 30 years clean.
I did not know or understand how emotionally vulnerable I was walking in to the meeting back then.
I did not know or understand my emotional triggers were.
The most important message in recovery no matter when your last bet stick with recovery.
Only when I was abale to abstain from unhealthy habits could I start to heal and become much healthier.
The gambling was an escape.
The money was just the fuel for my addictions.
There is nothing healthy about beating your self up or calling your self names.
It is counter productive.
In recovery we elarn from our past unhealthy habits.
In the recovery program we learn to listen and learn what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
We exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
I could not trust my self with money at one time for sure.
It was important to write down my needs my wants and in time my new found goals.
Your clean time can not be lost.
Let go of money lost in time you will be able to pay it back, very slowly.
You say that you blew £2500 in three days, how many days weeks did it take you to earn that money, it was not money you lost but time.
Keeping very busy and active is a healthy habit.
200 days without a bet was a great achievement well done, next time you will achieve even more clean time.
Meetings therapies and in time counselling helped for me.
It took some time for counselling to work deeply with me.
Once my fears were at therre lowest counselling worked very well.
Handing over control my money, was a big help for me.
We learn from our past but no longer live in the pains of our past.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Thanks for the replies Dave and Pete, means a lot. Its day 4 getting some messages from members of my GA group who know I have slipped. The room is full of people doing well, I'm not going to go anymore, brings it down when I have to say I have slipped up. I'm also not getting anything from the meetings. Maybe I should try a new meeting.
Thankfully with gamstop back in place and self excluded locally I don't have any easy options to get a bet on. Even if I drove to a shop an hour away some of them want proof of funding before I put a bet on. So all round its not easy for me to gamble.
My focus today will be on work and taking one day at a time.
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