Hello everyone,
I have been working in the betting industry for the last 3 and half years.It is possibly the best job I ever had, I love the atmosphere, the banter in the shop and I have never enjoyed my work as much as I do know. However, as much as I love working there I hate it too. I hate the fact that I started gambling, that I became a lier, that the person I care the most has to suffer.
All started with the promotion as the shop manager. I have been gambling prior, but I always knew my limits. But when I have been promoted I felt that I can afford to risk a bit more. And I've got away for the first few times by cashing in a few good winnings. But one day everything just went wrong. I gambled the money I shouldnt and the pressure started to build up. I started lying to my partner, my future wife (as I always thought so). After 4 months of gambling and lies she found out. I destroyed everything good we had. Luckily, she trusted me and gave me another chance.
I promised her, my family and her family I will never ever do that gain. And here you go. 2 years later after my promotion I am sleeping on the couch, because I have messed up again. I have lost significant amount of money when we were saving for our wedding. I have destroyed everything again when i thought I finally can control myself. And it all started with a little gamble when i was a little bit bored and depressed.
Am I stupid or have I just become a victim of it? It feels that majority of the people surrounding me every day are gamblers making it so hard to resist for myself. Even if I feel that I can, isnt it just me denying that i have a problem? I didnt gamble for month or so, but I feel that i can do it again if I will sit and do nothing about it. There is that urge back in my mind, especially when I see others winning and enjoying it. I dont know what to do because everything is just falling apart. I feel that all my dreams and future plans just gone through the window. I dont think the person I was together with for the last 6.5 years will be able to forgive me..
L
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