Day 1
I've decided that today was the day I take the first step in admitting I have a problem, that first step was admitting it to myself. It gave me sense of relief and a drive that I've not felt before to do something before this addiction becomes life ruining.
This month I squandered a good chunk of my paycheck and have once again found myself very low on funds to get to the end of the month, in addition I've added about €700 to my debt pile. Between Loans and Credit Card it's probably sitting at about the €9k mark. I'm a bit behind on the CC payments but up to date on the loan payments but I feel if I don't stop gambling this could get out of hand very quickly, I'm already feeling the squeeze this month. My goal is to half my debt by the end of the year at the very least and to actually spend some of my disposable income on things I enjoy and not gambling!
I suppose this journal is for me to look back on and reflect in weeks to come and see how I am progressing. I also want to add a note to myself if I do read back on this:
"Don't do it, it's not worth all the stress, worry, hassle, fear that you go through when you gamble. Don't rationalize it or try to gamble to get some spending money or to try win something to bring down your debt faster, it does not work, it's not worked in the numerous times you've tried it over the years and you've only gotten yourself in to more trouble. If you stop, you'll have a better quality of life, in a couple of months you're debts will be lessened, your disposable income will have increased and you can start focusing on more worth while things. If you are reading this, stop, think, breathe and think of all the progress you will have undone if you start gambling again".
I'll probably not write in here daily, but will try to at least once a week.
Xzeras
Hi @18nlmkjtzd
Liked reading your post. Keep it going, your daily journal will be encouraging reading for all. If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to put all the blocks in place and put restrictions on your bank accounts. Beware of relapses, they can be destructive, so keep yourself busy and have all the blockers in place so the temptation isn't there.
All the best
@oranje01 Thanks for the support. I've got the online blocker (GAMSTOP) in place. I live in Ireland so the tools available to me are not as good as they are in the UK but I'm putting what I can in place to try kick the addiction!
Day 2
Happened to get paid for a quick driving job I did for a family member today, I would normally have seen this as extra money and that it would be ok to gamble and lose, which happened 99% of the time. Today I made the conscious decision to do something simple, that was to take that money and put it into the car (petrol). Something simple but very satisfying tbh.
I walked by the local bookies today and didn't feel the urge to pop in for one quick bet as I would have nearly always done in the past, so that gave me a sense of empowerment. I walked straight by and didn't look back. I still have some looming debt that is due this week that I know I'm going to be short on and that's weighing on my mind a bit, but I know if I get over this hump, stay away from gambling and be sensible with my money I can get out of this hole.
Today was a good day. Day 2 Bet Free.
Xzeras
Day 3
Not much to write about today, was busy in work and on my way home drove by the local bookies. A lot of time's I'd stop and lose 50/100 quid in about 20 minutes and head home in such bad form. Drove right on by today without a second thought.
Day 3 bet free.
Xzeras
well done, great start
Keep going Xzeras, I hope you’re journey continues strong.
Thanks All for the words of encouragement.
Day's 4 -6 haven't been bad. Been very busy in work so that's kept me occupied. I get paid next week and nearly 90% of that will go on paying back debts from the really bad few weeks gambling I had at the start of the month and what prompted me to join here. It'll be a real test to see if I can stay away from gambling after getting paid but I'm more motivated than I've ever been!
Xzeras
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