You can fall a thousand times

Good to see you in the chat room mate, keep trying and keep your head up. NM

Thanks nm.

Chatroom was a disaster. Just wanted to vent but I realise I took over the chat.

The chat people were trying to chat to a lad called Craig. But I was still venting and he left. Hope your OK pal.

But doesn't someone mail me thinking I'm f uckin craig and checking to see how am I and that everyone was worried about me.

Unbelievable. I try GA meetings. Counselling. This forum. Whenever I interact with people it just confirms how worthlessness I am .

Don't f uckin mail me and Confuse me with someone else.

My name is Stephen. I'm a compulsive gambler. I'm dead in my mind. I'll make an entry in this thread at xmas when I'm 6 months I promise myself that

Sorry Stephen I disagree with you. chat was not a disaster. The help is there, its just you are struggling to accept it right now. Get back in touch with Gamcare. Keep ringing them. Its freephone. No skin off your nose. Tri

Hi Stephen

Sounds like you are being very down on yourself, and you need support right now. Please, do contact us on the Helpline or Netline. We hope you don't withdraw from the forum. It doesn't help you to isolate yourself from support.

Take care of yourself

Forum admin

What was i thinking trying to reason with gambling. Thinking i could go in to the bookies and place two bets and walk back out.

Have i not learnt anything from reading the forum, going to counselling, going to GA meetings.

First step of recovery is admitting i am powerless over gambling. The sooner i start accepting the first step the better.

Another month of no money, walking to work, no lunch, looking like a homeless person.

It wont change unless i do something

It was lashing raining this morning and i had to work to walk.

I have holes in my shoes so was wet from my head to my feet. Sitting in an office with drenched clothes is not a nice experience. I need to remember that the next time i get urges. The situation im in is terrible

heading to a bank at lunch to set up a savings account that i wont touch so there is a positive.

Stephen - I feel you are trying to fight this battle on your own in your daily life. It is good that you have come on here where there will always be support but it really will not help if you cut yourself off from people in your daily life. It sometimes helps if you can find a trustworthy friend or relation to chat to and someone who may help you control your finances. The trouble with drink and gambling is you have a drink(s) then you want to gamble - then you gamble, lose your money - then you feel you need a drink to cheer yourself up - then you gamble again - one great big nasty vicious circle. I am the parent of a gambler and they described the experience like being on a rollercoaster and not being able to get off. The worry of blowing months wages and then funding the repayments literally drove them to a state where everything was pointless and every thought was a negative one and it was heartbreaking to watch. You will hear the term "hitting rock bottom" mentioned quite a bit on this site and when you hit rock bottom it can sometimes mean you either sink or you swim. You have already had a go at swimming and did well and now you have slipped up again - but you must never give up. You have already proved you can help yourself and I am sure you can do it again if you make an effort to get some organisation into your life. Make today day 1 to start again. Keep on with the counselling and get as many blocks in place on sites etc. Try and get some support in your home life and please don't isolate yourself from family and work colleagues because it helps to have people around. You must be fed up with getting soaking wet going to work and having holes in your shoes but maybe you could set a goal for yourself to spend your hard earned money on getting an umbrella, new shoes and new clothes instead of using it for gambling. I know this is all easier said than done if you are feeling very down at the moment but as you can see everyone on here is willing you to take all their little bits of advice and support and really hope you are finally ready to tackle this head on now. Don't let gambling beat you. I just hate the suffering that gambling causes to people and so many young people are being affected.

Good luck and keep reading these posts.

A week free.

Tough morning, im getting a lot of hassle from the manager. Shes getting annoyed when ive done nothing wrong and wont tell me how she wants to do. Just continues to hassle me. Makes me get images in my mind of hanging myself to be honest.

Someone laughed at me in the chat last night when i was describing my situation. Im too sensitive at the moment so will avoid that chat for a while.

Stay strong

hi stephen,

ive just been reading your diary, well done on a week, that is a massive achievement already!!
keep chalking the days off, one at a time!

id also reccomend you put some barriers in place to stop you gambling when you have urges. you say you went into the bookies and lost money the other day. you should self exlcude from all your local bookies and online (if you use it). maybe let a family member look ater your finances, there are lots of barriers you can put in place to help mate!

I just wanted to say, youre not alone. there are so many like minded members on here that are here for support. read other peoples diaries may also motivate you (it does me).

Good luck my friend, ill continue to monitor your progress
Ben 🙂

Stephen2105 wrote:

A week free.

Tough morning, im getting a lot of hassle from the manager. Shes getting annoyed when ive done nothing wrong and wont tell me how she wants to do. Just continues to hassle me. Makes me get images in my mind of hanging myself to be honest.

Someone laughed at me in the chat last night when i was describing my situation. Im too sensitive at the moment so will avoid that chat for a while.

Stay strong

Sorry Stephen. That's what the chat admin is there to prevent. Did you mention it to him while you were on? What did he say?

I try not to give advice because we each need to make our own decisions but everything I read in your diary says you need more support not less. Please continue going to the chat. Have a word with the chat admin when you go in and express your concerns or give Gamcare a ring beforehand?

Had a performance meeting today with the manager.

She was giving me a sly look all through the meeting and trying to get a reaction. This is apparently separate to a disciplinary hearing I'm waiting to hear back from.

And I walked out and it was weight off my back. I'm no longer letting other people affect my mood and well being.

If people want to laugh at me because I don't have proper shoes let them. If people want to make fun of how I look it won't affect me anymore.

I had to walk home but I walked with some confidence. I'm not holding this chip on my shoulder anymore. When I get paid I will do normal things ; buy a bus ticket ; some clothes; pay rent and put some money in savings.

I'm sick of feeling guilty every time I spend money. I earnt it I can spend it on myself.

It isn't normal to work all week ; have no money for lunch or bus fare and then gamble

But what is normal is working hard and buying yourself lunch or a few pints on the weekend.

I want to be myself again. I'll be patient and I'll be determined.

One week free from a bet.

And thank you to the people posting in my diary. I have a lot of respect for someone like triangle.

Gameparents post last night was needed. No more looking for escapes . face things head on.

Ben thanks a mil. I'm not alone. There's people like you who take time from their day to be kind. I appreciate that

Determined

Keep doing the next right thing Stephen.

What lies ahead may be far better than anything you ever thought possible. But its up to you to get over the past