ZeroToHero....

hi,

good luck with your 3rd diary, hope it works out for you.

I haven't commented on many diaries in the short time I've been on here but couldn't resist as your diary is a similar story to mine. Similar in age and interests and also the pressure from partner to start a life.

I think a new hobby would be a great way to start, my mind never goes to gambling when I'm playing sport or genuinely interested in something.

I also have not told a family member, I will do, just want to be in a better place before that point.
not sure if this is the right way to approach but only time will tell.

The amount of times it crossed my mind that if I won back all the money I'd lost then I'd stop is ridiculous. you're not alone with that. Just a winning bet, easy as that haha. Such a gamblers mindset.

good luck with everything hero.

westbrook0

Hi H2Z,

Sorry we lost you last night.

Your story will be familiar to so many of us on here.

Only you will know whether owning up to your family is for the best, but make sure you come clean before you get caught out.

As I said yesterday, you are being too hard on yourself. You need to stop feeling guilty and looking at the past. To some extent your addiction is not your fault. When you first gambled you had no idea where it would lead.

You have made a massive step identifying that you have a gambling problem. How you use this awakening going forward is up to you.

I am sure you know the importance of self-exclusion and putting in the usual blocks to prevent online gaming. A love of sport and computer games can be a lethal combination - one who knows!

You mention your credit card debt. Amounts are all relative. But if the credit cards are causing you financial hardship you should consider getting financial advice. Debt management is one option. The other is speaking to the credit card companies and asking them to freeze the interest. Sure, this will mess up your credit rating for 6 years, but if interest is being piled on it would probably take you that long to clear the cards anyway. By the time my debt hit £16K my credit score was already shot to pieces so a debt management plan only had advantages. What is the worst that could happen?

I must admit, it took me years to open up to my wife about my problem, however I made sure that financially things were under control to some extent so I was able to prove, to a degree, that I was improving and taking my recovery seriously. This provided a light at the end of the tunnel for my wife who now supports my recovery, whereas before I was sure she would never forgive me.

Sorry for the long post. If any of it helps you in any way I am pleased.

Enjoy your recovery and reverse your name.

Markman

westbrook0 wrote: hi,

good luck with your 3rd diary, hope it works out for you.

I haven't commented on many diaries in the short time I've been on here but couldn't resist as your diary is a similar story to mine. Similar in age and interests and also the pressure from partner to start a life.

I think a new hobby would be a great way to start, my mind never goes to gambling when I'm playing sport or genuinely interested in something.

I also have not told a family member, I will do, just want to be in a better place before that point.
not sure if this is the right way to approach but only time will tell.

The amount of times it crossed my mind that if I won back all the money I'd lost then I'd stop is ridiculous. you're not alone with that. Just a winning bet, easy as that haha. Such a gamblers mindset.

good luck with everything hero.

westbrook0

Westbrook,

Thanks for your comment.

I take comfort in the fact I am not alone out there.

I am willing to work together with you due to our circumstances being similar in order to support one another whether that be emailing or by text on a regular basis for a bit of support before we tell our families?

Markman wrote:

Hi H2Z,

Sorry we lost you last night.

Your story will be familiar to so many of us on here.

Only you will know whether owning up to your family is for the best, but make sure you come clean before you get caught out.

As I said yesterday, you are being too hard on yourself. You need to stop feeling guilty and looking at the past. To some extent your addiction is not your fault. When you first gambled you had no idea where it would lead.

You have made a massive step identifying that you have a gambling problem. How you use this awakening going forward is up to you.

I am sure you know the importance of self-exclusion and putting in the usual blocks to prevent online gaming. A love of sport and computer games can be a lethal combination - one who knows!

You mention your credit card debt. Amounts are all relative. But if the credit cards are causing you financial hardship you should consider getting financial advice. Debt management is one option. The other is speaking to the credit card companies and asking them to freeze the interest. Sure, this will mess up your credit rating for 6 years, but if interest is being piled on it would probably take you that long to clear the cards anyway. By the time my debt hit £16K my credit score was already shot to pieces so a debt management plan only had advantages. What is the worst that could happen?

I must admit, it took me years to open up to my wife about my problem, however I made sure that financially things were under control to some extent so I was able to prove, to a degree, that I was improving and taking my recovery seriously. This provided a light at the end of the tunnel for my wife who now supports my recovery, whereas before I was sure she would never forgive me.

Sorry for the long post. If any of it helps you in any way I am pleased.

Enjoy your recovery and reverse your name.

Markman

Thanks Markman,

I dont feel a debt plan etc is an option to me just now, I dont really want to kill my credit score especially if I hope to move out when I get the chance to become debt free.

Any advice on best way of tackling the debt whether it be small chunks at a time and save up for a future side by side or to through everything at it to get out as soon as possible having no savings?

If your credit score is in order and the credit cards are still fully operation I would pay off as much as humanly possibly to bring the balances down and save on interest. You can always draw down more funds later on if needs be.

Some people do balance transfers to new cards at zero interest rates for a number of months. This might be an option if you have decent credit score. Alternatively why not apply to a bank for a consolidatory loan. The interest will be far lower and you would then get a definite end date for being out of debt.

Warning: do not do what I did and use all the new cards and consolidatory loan to gamble. That is why I owe £40K and why my house is 80 miles away from London where I grew up and have always worked.

At 26 you are still young and have your whole life to worry about moving out and getting a house. If think you should stop thinking about what may or may not happen in future and focus in each day as it comes, other wise you will only cause yourself distress... and remember to be patient... you have dug quite a big hole for yourself and you will not climb out of it alone overnight... day by day.

Best wishes,

Markman

Set a budget out. Work out what you can pay off each month. And what you can live off. If you are at home still you shouldn't need that much. Every time payday comes pay off the amounts from your budget. It's a bitter/sweet feeling. And repeat and repeat. This way you will be able to work out when you will be gamble free. It will also give you a goal and focus of how to get there. Everything else is just a matter of time if you remain gamble free. Don't do what I did. Otherwise you will be posting the Same debt stories 2years down the line. Best of luck my friend!!!

Why is confiding in someone you trust a long term goal?

Telling someone and making yourself accountable to someone other than yourself makes it very much harder for you to gamble in secret.

Thanks for the advice folks....

Feel strongly about trying to clear my debt and want all tge support I can on how to do so.

I am going to start by writing everything I spend down.

Unfortunately confiding in family is not something I am willing / ready to do right now.

I tried to apply for a debt consolidation loan however got rejected. I presume my credit score is poor just now as my credit cards are maxed out so I have no option but to chip away at them.

Hi Hero, ref your credit cards have you looked at a debt management plan? I'm with Pay plan who are extremely helpful 🙂

Great advice Sharon. I am with Payplan too - best post-gambling decision I ever made.

Up to H2Z at the end of the day though.

Markman wrote:

Great advice Sharon. I am with Payplan too - best post-gambling decision I ever made.

Up to H2Z at the end of the day though.

What do they do for you?

They go through a budget with you and work out what your reasonable disposable income is that can be paid to the creditors. They then write to the creditors and ask them to freeze the interest (not guaranteed but all of my own 24 creditors agreed!). They then send the budget to the creditors and if approved the plan starts. Each month you make one monthly payment to Payplan and they pass it on to your creditors. There are optional insurances you can take but there is no obligation. The service is competely free and you can withdraw at any time although you would then need to deal with your creditors direct again. You can Google their website and they have a very user-friendly webpage you can log into and see your budget, payments to date and time remaining et cetera.You could do a lot worse then call Payplan (or Stepchange if you prefer).

Ultimately you need to do what is best for you. I had tried to juggle credit cards and loans for years and I wish I swallowed my pride and contacted Payplan 10 years ago as it was my debt that drove me to despair and really got my gambling going to the point of not caring anymore.

Remember though, the above will not deal with your underlying addiction and you will need to tackle this by abstaining, seeking support from friends/family if not professionals and putting on place the usual blocks.

I hope the above helps - even a little!

Markman

DAY 1- COMPLETE

POSITIVES

Today I managed to successfully negotiate without gambling.

I have tried to think a number of different ways I intend to tackle my problem and put plans and foundations in place.

I have tried to talk to numerous persons on here to try and get a better understanding.

Also I only spent ВЈ4 all day £596 less than yesterday.

NEGATIVES

I have had horrible thoughts and regrets all day. The feeling of dread and guilt.

I have tried to tell myself a few times just to go all out one more time and win all my debt back and everything will be okay again (obviously that is not the answer)

I still have no thoughts of disclosing to family members or my partner and people are always getting on to me to do that however I not in a place to do that just now but maybe one day this will come.

OVERVIEW

Overall, a successful day by not gambling however I feel worse today than yesterday as all my horrible feelings are at their worst and I dont have gambling as my escape from those feelings.

Today I DID NOT gamble.

1 day.

Evening Hero,

Well done on negotiating day one it's not easy and maybe one of the hardest days but you've done it. The feeling of guilt/dread will pass with time and you will become stronger as the days go on - I know how it feels with thinking one more bet and you'll win it all back and to be honest we all think that but the problem is with being a compulsive gambler you will never win as we can't stop no win is ever big enough to make us stop.

My first time round stopping I didn't tell anyone and then next time I opened up to my family and that was one way of making me stop they all wanted to help when the time is right it's something worth doing to help you.

Stay strong and you will beat this.

Shaun