Hello just wanting any advice if possible. Over a month ago I admitted to my husband that I equated a substantial debt over a 10 year period. Any gambling only started this last year to try and pay Peter to pay Paul, so nothing over years prior to this.
once I admitted to my husband he was very supportive and open about trying to sort debt out going forward but deep down this was too good to be true and waited for the constant comments here and there.
i have recently been given a large promotion to which I will need to stay away for one night a week. My husband was all for this and is planning on how the money will be spent in things here there and every where and then there’s me excited about the promotion but then not excited about the money aspect as I know I won’t get to see this.
i was away with work last night and I was getting grief via text about having a beer and comments about gambling etc and that he has every right to have no trust and will take 10 years to build this back.
deep down I know he’s right but I am at the point where I want to decline the job as I cannot be having these every time I’m away.Â
Has anyone experienced this, how can you build trust if all you get are comments or questions?
like before I won’t deny the gambling but there was a bigger reason behind this pre any form of gambling and I have not since gambled nor had the urge to do so since I opened up.
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thanks for readingÂ
I think you should take the job, I have found that giving my partner full control of my finances has helped. You could also put every block in place possible and self exclude from anywhere and everywhere that is accessible to you. It will always be in the back of his mind and so it should, gambling is a terrible addiction and 9 times out of ten it will suck you back in. the most important thing about keeping the trust is talking, I tell my partner if I have urges, i tell him if im worried about going back, he has been my rock, I faltered once and I owned up straight away, i think this helped as he knows now that I will go to him, its the secrets and lies that break us not the money. Stay honest and let him help you
Hi @vjslxdwrhf,Â
I am recently new here helping out as a volunteer, so I know this response is quite belated, but I was curious after reading this about whether you took the job and how things are going now.Â
Well done on the promotion! I am glad to hear your partner was supportive, but I also think his second reaction is normal. Maybe he was in shock at first and then reality hit him later, but he's bound to feel a mixture of emotions, as you are.Â
I think rebuilding trust again is different for every individual and each circumstance. Though possible, the requirements and time will vary depending on the person and the situation.
I hope you are getting on wellÂ
Kind Regards,Â
Jade
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