Hi all,
I am new here although have read lots of the forums already. Essentially, my partner had a problem previously with gambling at bookies which got out of control and he lost £7000 last October. It was his contribution to our house deposit. I only found out after I saw a message to his family on his phone. He was telling them what happened although asking them to help him out with money so I didn’t have to find out.
I confronted him and he did get help through gamcare and stopped completely. However, after a few months, he wanted to go back to horse racing which is something he has done his whole life and bets there too. He feels his problem is solely the bookies so as long as he doesn’t go there, he will be okay.
We tried with him gambling again and it was okay however I started to see red flags - he was wanting to go to horse racing more and more, join a syndicate, get a season ticket etc. so I told him I thought it best he just stop altogether. Since then, we have been in crisis. He doesn’t want help, he doesn’t want to stop gambling and is adamant he can control it with limits eg £300 per month on betting and at horse racing only. He says it’s just about fun, not about gambling.
Can I really consider this or is this fraught with danger? My guy tells me he should stop gambling altogether and there is no way this can work but I don’t want to lose our relationship.
What do I do?!
Ultimately it is your decision in regards to the relationship, nobody can choose these actions for you.
It isn't an easy subject because with any addiction loosing control is a very easy thing to do. If however, he has set limits on the accounts this should help to some degree; no system is water-tight and you need to be aware that loopholes exist especially if you have accounts on many different sites e.g.
The best solution is to stop for good but obviously, that is easier said than done. It's a dangerous game to play as the risk of relapse is always a possibility. If he has set limits then it is a good start - it might be best if possible to keep a close eye on it so you can offer support actively which may prevent something more serious, acting sooner rather than later.
My personal suggestion would be to abstain as much as possible, sit down together have a civil conversation express how it affects each other and what you could do with the money instead, for example saving it up as the odds are never in our favours.
Make sure he has a support network also to help overcome urges.
Hello missmc
Well done for reaching out for help. It sounds like you are having a challenging time now. It is not easy living with a person who gambles, be that controlled or problematic. It looks like you have already experienced some of the affects of this as you described in your post. Gambling by its nature progressively worsens. It may require ongoing help over a period of time if you plan to be in the relationship. There is help and support around this for both you and your partner.
There is also this organisation called Gamanon.
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It may help you if you we to call our Helpline on 0808 8020133 or use our live chat on our website. We are here 24/7 to help and support you through this. Please keep posting messages to the forum and reading other experiences. I hope you find this a great benefit and thank you for posting on the Gamcare forum.
Kind regards
Darren
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