A warm hello to anyone reading this, it is in fact my first blog and I am hoping another form of supporting my gambling recovery.
A little about me - I am currently 24 days Gamble-Free, after relapsing on previous attempts to stop gambling; however this time around I have decided to fully self-exclude and ban sites which has hugely supported me to not have any urges to act because I simply know I can't anymore.
This weekend I moved house for the very first time, with my lovely girlfriend of 2 years, and it's been surprisingly smoother than I had initially imagined to do (with the help of friends!). However, I am coming on here to share how I have felt emotionally, and challenged my perspective for good and for bad.
After going on a Sunday walk with my girlfriend, we got into conversation over living and our new place that we are renting. We discussed how exciting it was to finally have freedom in our own space together, and I shared my feelings that I was quite relieved to realise that renting a house isn't all that bad after being brought up to believe you only start 'living' once you buy a property. My girlfriend responded by saying she has every ambition to buy a house one day, but as a self-employed worker who is going through a gambling addiction recovery and processing this first house move I shared my feelings that actually it's just as important to start 'living' now as a tenant because we don't know how long we are on this planet for, so why struggle for years to buy a property if it could all end next year? Sadly she had mistook that as me telling her what she can't do with her money, and it started a little bickering argument between us.
I guess I can't knock her ambitions at all, who wouldn't love to call their home THEIRS. But I think through recovery you begin to realise how grateful for each day of life you have and I suppose money isn't everything, as her and I have already realised within a weekend of moving out together because it's been amazing!
Anyway, it will all be good and I just needed to express somewhere safe my thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for taking the time to read!
Hey @azzabazza
Lovely to hear man very positive,
Describing your mindset is prob difficult straight away for others that havent gone through addictions which damage things across the board,
I'd say - i really admire your future dreams/plans.
Due to the life i have lead, for the short term, i'm unable to look far into the future, as i used to before, because i've let my myself/future plans down so many times/ for self preservation/ not feeling angry with myself, i've had to think this way.
Ideally i would like- e.g. Children/owned home/great holidays/marriage these are the future dreams i had...
but realising i have to work through the here and now, i love us/how things are i'm so happy,
once dealt with/as a team with you at my side, i will adjust back i'm certain to enable looking towards the future and making our amazing plans/reaching them, you are everything to me and i hope you understand my current mindset due to the damage i have inflicted on myself/ recovery i need to go through...
All the best @azzabazza take it steady
very very few people will ever own their own houses these days
property prices are massively over inflated , and 40 year mortgage terms are becoming industry standard this will increase to 50 year in the next 15 years
s0 it doesn't really matter whether you are renting from a landlord or the bank the only thing that will differ is the cost
its more expensive to rent from a landlord but at the same time you don't have to worry about any maintenance or repairs so its all horses for courses
Hi AzzaBazza,
Very interesting post. I moved into a rented property with my girlfriend when I was 25 and it was great to be "in our own space" and no longer having to abide of the parent's rules 🙂 After about the first 2 years of renting my girlfriend wanted to get started on the savings side of things for our own place to buy. I didn't like that idea as I was having too much fun drinking, gambling and going on holidays. Even when our first born arrived I still was in active problem gambling and only saved a nominal amount and spent a lot more on gambling than I saved. Fast forward a few more years and at the age of 32 my partner discovered the extent of my gambling and the debt that I had put us in (a large 5 figure sum). For the last 21 months I haven't spent a cent on gambling and I have managed to pay a lot of my debts and also put some money away also towards a house but I am certainly 5/6 years behind where I should be in terms of finances and ability to secure a mortgage. But I am getting there and if I keep going the way I am, I'll end up where I should be.
Just in terms of what you said above about "living in the moment", I think you are absolutely right. Even in addiction my partner and I went on incredible holidays and had some incredible fun times. But I didn't balance things. It was all spending and no savings. I think you have to find that balance. Maybe at your current juncture it doesn't have to be more savings than spending or even 50-50 split, but I would strongly urge you to put some money away. Maybe a 70/30 split in favour of spending your disposable cash. I know from experience that even putting away 200 a month (which was 200 more than I ever did) for a few years helps when the time comes to really put the foot down and save. You will be much happier to have that starting point I can assure you. Best of luck with everything.
Cheers,
Happy
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