Hi
It's my first time on one of these!
My partner is a CG this has been going on since last Year and we have had times where he hasn't done it for a month or two and then it has become so bad I don't know what to do I first found out about it when I was 8 months pregnant and we were saving our deposit for a rental property and he had gambled the whole lot, since having my daughter things have got worse with money worries. I have asked him time and time again to get help and he says he will for a few days and then doesn't! It's now got so bad that we are two months in arrears with our rent and face eviction! He has now got to the point where he knows it's gone to far and I will leave for our daughters sake and is now recieving help! Has been signed off with depression so finacial we are even worse! But he is getting HELP which is the good part we have gone to our local council for housing because we face eviction however I don't know what to say to them! Or how to go about it as to whether they will help us if my partner has a gambling addiction! They need bank statements so it's going to come out but I don't know what's going to happen! I am having mixed emotions about our relationship I am angry, hurt, exhausted but I love him and just want to see him get pased this! I don't want our family broken apart but what do I do!
Hope I don't sound to crazy haha
Hi,
Sorry to hear it but this shouldn't be about all him, it should be about you and your daughter.
The three Cs: you didn't Cause the gambling, you can't Control the gambling and you can't Cure the gambling. Buy into this idea and please don't think that you can or should save him from himself. He controls him, you control you. Therefore whatever you do or say, or don't do or don't say, none of it has any effect on his decision to gamble. (The only exception is his access to money, limiting that inhibit the access to gambling.) Otherwise, your threats to leave change nothing for him. Leaving or staying changes everything for you and your daughter.
You and your daughter are facing eviction because he has gambled the rent. Dreadful for you but - tough love - your decision as to whether to tolerate it (and future repeats) or whether to get help for you to do what you need to do to change your situation. There are no white knights, it's down to you. If you do nothing, you and your daughter will get dragged down and keep getting dragged down, you would then risk attracting the unwanted attention of the authorities.
The other factor is that in my experience, an active gambler is too busy gambling, lying about it and blaming everything and everyone else to be a supportive partner. Again, your call as to whether or not to tolerate it.
The best advice is to get the help and support that you need. Tell a trusted friend or family member, call the helpline here and if you can get to GamAnon, it's worth the effort. Get help from the CAB and the Council's Housing Department, look on the Law Society website for a Solicitor with a Legal Aid franchise in Housing.
Take care of you.
CW
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