I found out a few weeks ago that my dad has a big gambling addiction and has for the last 6 years. I knew it was bad but not the the extent i have recently found out. Over the last 6 years he has borrowed up to £4000 off me and i have taken out a £10,000 loan for him, which still has £2,000 left to pay.
I dont feel like my dad has been there for me at all in the last 6 years, my parents divorced 7 years ago and feel he took it really bad. In the last 6 years i have seen my dad 3 or 4 times each year, we all used to be so close as a family until the divorce and now it feels like me and my brother barely know him.
He has told me that he has lost around £100,000 in gambling in the last six years, i was shocked to hear that it was this much, even £25,000 i would have thought wow but this was totally unexpected. To know that i have struggled financially with no help from him at all over the last 6 years and having to pay for everything myself, lending him money of my own while he has lost £100,000 i feel angry, upset and let down a lot.
I have never had the help and support of either of my parents, my mum struggles to provide for me and my brother and has never seemed botherd as to what i want to do with my career and life and now i realise my dad has not been there for me because he has been too busy letting gambling take over his life.
For the last 5 years my dad has been asking me for money every now and then and has always pressured me into hiding it from my mum which i have done. I gave up my job three months ago because i lacked motivation and was going nowhere and neither parent seem to care with what i am doing with myself. Instead of getting support i am paying off my dads loan and have been for the last 4 months because he has nothing but i am running out of my own money and feel i just need to let all my feelings out to someone.
After speaking to someone on livechat i realise i need some counselling as i feel totally lost and let down by my parents, mostly my dad. I am 25 and feel i have wasted the last 5 years trying to help him that i have not focused on myself at all and have lost all confidence in myself and am quite depressed.
I dont know what kind of responses i am after just wondering if how i am feeling and have been effected is normal? All i have wanted is support from my parents and i have never had that and i feel really worn out from it all.
Hi CM
Im the mum of a compulsive gambler so the opposite situation to you, but identical in many other ways.
It doesnt matter that its my son and your parents who are cg's they all behave exactly the same, and what your feeling is just the same as the rest of us.
Living with a cg is one hell of an experience and quite honestly theres been times wher I feel Ive only just hung on to my sanity.
Every single thing you are feeling is normal while living with a cg, theres such a huge range emotions, one minute your so angry, the next hurt, confused the list goes on and none if it makes sense. I would love to say you will get the support you need from your parents but sadly while the continue to gamble thats not going to happen so all the more need for you to get some support.
The counselling Ive had through Gamcare has been fantastic, its free and I had the best counsellor ever. Theres plenty of people here go to Gamanon and say it its a huge help, I would of gone to meetings bu they're just to far away.
When it comes to this you must put yourself first, cg's are very selfish and we will never be their priority. It doesn't mean they dont love us but the pull of the addcition is so strong it over rides that and while they stay in denial that wont change.
I never thought I could of ever said that Id think of my wellbeing before my son's, hardest think Ive ever had to do but Ive accepted the only person who can help him is himself and its the same for all cg's.
Call Gamcare today, get that counselling sorted, go to Gamanon if at all possible, get as much support as you possibly can.
Take care
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