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Harm minimization is a recognized recovery module. I personally think it's a crock of sh#t. It would be great to hear from all those that this has worked long term for. Those CGs who successfully put a controlled bet on without descending back into uncontrollable addicton please share your story with us

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geray92 wrote: Hi all My son is a cg and wanted to see if anyone could advise me on this ... would it be wrong to use bribery to help get things in place to assist with his recovery. He is currently attending counselling and also his mental health bad st moment. He still has not self excluded from all bookies in village (has done 1) .. would it be wrong to offer some kind of reward (not money) if you do the other 3 . I know it sounds like dealing with a child but don't know how else to handle it

Hi geray 92 i,m going through this with my son now he,s 40 but still my kid, I know you,ll understand this.... it,s hell and i,ve tried all kinds of things to help him stop, am going to get him on this site tomorrow xx

Morning all.

For me the post from the administrator has posted nothing but the strapline that the industry every compulsive gambler feeds.

Sadly I believe that it brings a false dawn on two levels.

First it green lights gambling for the compulsive gambler, as an active compulsive gambler I would twist the words of anyone or institution to enable me to feed my addiction. The truth for me is that I whilst active live by a mantra

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

I have stood and put a weeks wages in a machine that offered a £25 jackpot, that event repeatedly occurred and eventually I like many others progressed to feeding thousands into a machine where the jackpot didn't match the money staked.

There is a black and white reason for this event, the money is not the reason for gambling, certainly not mine, I gambled because throughout each episode of gambling I would escape from the real world, I would zone out,literally the world could have been collapsing around me and I wouldn't have noticed. Money is a symptom of gambling, the fuel that feeds the ability to for fill addictions desire.

I stopped many times throughout my own gambling life, normally through the results of previous episodes meaning I simply was unable to gamble. This never brought control, I would simply wait until funds where available and repeat the same cycle over and over, eventually I stole to feed my addiction, I did many heinous things, things that had nothing but a negative outcome and isolated me from real life.

Gambling addiction is a label no industry or person paid by said industry will ever use, for me simply because it would reveal the elephant in the room.

The second more worrying false dawn for me would be if one single person who has innocently been affected by an addicts actions took the belief that a gambling addict could control their gambling, because it is a false hope, a statement without proof.

I have been here for coming up to four years and in that time only one thread has ever been owned by a person who followed the path and that thread caused a great deal of heated debate, not for a positive outcome, but one of frustration.

Because the author gambled?

No because they refused to seek change.

Until the day I admitted to the world gambling was beyond my own control I was unable to seek change.

Until the day I admitted that I was powerless in the presence of addiction I lived within a cycle of self made destruction.

The truth is I had to find the courage to do so.

I will finish with my thoughts on how this forum is moderated.

I have seen folk spend vast efforts questioning the moral being of the moderators and the industry that funds the forum, which has often produced a detrimental outcome, please don't do the same.

This forum is a huge source of inspiration, knowledge and understanding and a place where unconditional support is offered by it's true owners

Each and every one of you the authors.

Please lets use our continued efforts to their best ends.

Recovery for every single person effected by gambling addiction.

Regards Duncs.

I am unable to get to gam anon that's why the gamcare person put me in touch with the counseller. Yes I did hear the counseller say it as it was said to both my husband and I.

Sure, but you will see from the thread that the users of the forum dispute it.

I also didn't run to GamAnon because the timings were awkward and the meetings are not round the corner. But once I made the effort, I found it worth getting a babysitter and the travelling time.

Look after yourselves.

CW

Hi geray92

I couldnt get to all of my counseller appointments due to health problems and it was never an issue, the times I couldnt go it simply turned to a phone call instead. Both my counsellor and Gamcare were understanding of my circumstances and nothing was too much trouble for them. There will be a way of getting you support that suits you, call Gamcare and ask Im sure they can help.

I had a fantastic counsellor and their view was that wether it was a small bet or a large bet it was all the same behaviour and I totally agree. My son was all of those horrible things that go with compulsive gambling no matter how big or small the bet was, he tried to convince me that it wouldnt do any harm just the odd bet, in reality he was vile.

Hes trying very hard to recover now and the difference between now and when hes gambling is like night and day, hes much more like his old self. This is enough proof for me to say absolutely not a single bet.

duncanmac, I agree with everything you said, its not usually about the money, its escaping from realtiy, Im certain this is true for my son.

So surprise surprise, no one coming forward to tell us how they changed back from being a gambling addict to a controlled gambler who now just had the odd football bell & a cheeky £5 on the national. It doesn't happen. You cross an invisible line into addiction & once you have made that step there is no going back.. I'm a compulsive gambling addict, I will be until the day I die. I cant have just one bet, and while I continue to accept that things will be just fine. I was going to post quite a bit on this subject but no need. Duncs said virtually everything & the silence of people bestowing the virtues of harm minimization have said the rest

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Sorry I didn't want to open a can of worms, I was just saying what I'd been told. Thanks again for all comments

Hope we haven't scared you away with all this debate on your thread, sorry. How are things?

CW

Hi, thanks for your concern cw.
I know that sometimes feelings can run high on different approaches so I respect everyone's situation is different. It was suggested by my counseller that joining the forums could maybe help with advice from other people but yes I did feel as though what I had been advised and what I was trying to do was all wrong.
I did go ahead and try the things i suggested and it was met with total refusal and agression on saturday from my son.
However 1 week on he came home and admitted he'd done it again. I asked where do we go from here and he said that I needed to take control of his money. He has also been to the betting shops and done self exclusions.
This is more than I expected and even if the "controlled" way does not work out at least I feel that a bit of progress has been made.

Hi Geray92

You are doing everything out of love for your child. I truly beleive that we the f&f have to travel the same journey as the gamblers... we will get to where we need to be when we are ready. It's just hard as most people on this forum "know" where things are heading and want to save you some of the pain. It's a long haul and I am glad that you are seeing some change... that is always a positive!

Keep posting... I know it's hard to hear sometimes but the support from those that have been there will help you in the long run.

Take Care

Cathy

Hi geray92. I just wanted to say I didn't mean to open an unwanted can of worms with my initial comment; it's just that the advice you had been given rang rather loud alarm bells with me. I know everything you are doing will be in the best interests of your son. Take care and do keep posting x

[quote=geray92]Hi all My son is a c gambler. Having looked at your post I would say if you can keep him going to counselling.You should not need to bribe him.I have been given my son's bank card and have said counselling is a must. If he does not start counselling then for me he is not accepting he has a problem. There is a lot of pain for us parents and sometimes although we love them there is only so much we can do.He has to help himself.I hope my son sticks to the counselling fingers crossed

elle1984 wrote:

Hi,

I'm new to this. Not sure exactly how it works.

My story is: I recently got married. One week later my husband confessed he gambled part of our savings that we were supposed to use to buy an apartment. I am devasted and I don't know how to deal with the situation. Please help.

Hello if he has admitted what he has done then maybe he will agree to going to counselling you could go together? Do not give him access to any of your money and put the savings in your name only My husband took years to get over his gambling addiction and the pain it causes through the lies makes you protect yourself. I hope your husband agrees to go to counselling soon