My bf of 5 years is a cg I've know about it for 4. He has always done everything in my name. I've tried everything.. I have 3 bank accounts I transfer money into as and when I need it. I've paid for gam block we've had telephone counselling but he lied and kept ignoring the calls he's hacked into my bank and transfered all or most funds ino his account he has stolen money from my purse he's gambled our rent money he lies, manipulates and he's made me feel so small, stupid, insignificant... now here comes the bit I hate saying out loud.... I 100% believe the things he's done is not him... I know he is a good person I can feel it in my bones and that is why I haven't given up on him yet... a couple of months ago I kicked him out because he gambled the rent money and we have 4 children I had enough of putting him before my children It was my last resort... I was hoping so much ghats he would hate being away from us so much he would see what he's doing and get ghetto help he needs. But no instead he went and found comfort with someone else and funnily enough it was probably the first time in a long time he was completely honest with me and told me everything about her almost straight away... but also saying that he didn't want her he wanted his family back. This new problem was now over shadowing the main problem. We got back together but I am still refusing to let him move in but he is pleading with me to let him come back and says he will get help and I will have full control over finances... there is absolutely no trust in this so called relationship but what if this is the time... what if I turn my back on his one time he wants the help he needs? Since we have been back together he has tried so hard to be honest about everything I can see he is trying but what do I do?
Hi,
CGs can be v charming but less than reliable. I'm a bit hard pressed to see what's in this relationship for you. He has lied to you, stolen from you and had a relationship with another woman. Up to you whether you take him in, your choice for which you are responsible. However, you might want to seriously think why you are allowing yourself to accept such behaviour. The children? Is he really there for them and setting them a good example?
There is nothing that you can do or say to make him gamble or to make him stop. He controls his gambling. However, you don't have to let him use your money, you don't have to keep paying.
He chooses whether or not to gamble, you choose how long to put up with it.
Get help and support for you, from GamCare or GamAnon.
Take care,
CW
Do what feels right for you & if that means keeping him @ arms length until you see proof of his willingness to get help then so be it! There's no such thing about trying hard to be honest, he either is honest with you or he's treating you like a mug, again! We are a manipulative bunch, very adept @ saying what people need/want to hear to allow us to continue in the manner to which we have become accustomed! He is out of order making you feel bad for his appalling behaviour & whether it's him or the addiction speaking, you are the victim & yet you have to stay strong to keep your children from the pain! I'm sorry to be so harsh & judgmental but really, how much more can you take?
You have 4 children & you to look after 1st & foremost, if you have anything left to support him with then he's the lucky one but please, look after you - ODAAT
Hi Claire
Firstly, I'm very sorry to hear about all that you've been through. I can see you've already had some great advice and support.
Your loyalty to your partner is admirable, as is your desire to help him overcome his gambling problem, despite all you've been through. Echoing previous posts, apart from the harm caused by the gambling itself, you have understandably lost trust within your relationship. Therefore repairing the damage done will take time and hard work. It sounds positive that your partner wants to change but as has already been suggested, I am wondering what evidence there is that he has started to make positive changes and start his recovery? Understandably you do not want to turn your back on your partner because he has made some mistakes, however I would encourage you to also look after yourself and ask yourself what you are getting from the relationship. We are here for you if you would like to talk on the helpline: 0808 8020 133 or Netline: https://icontact.mplaurora.net/ChatApp/JoinChat.aspx and both services are open daily from 8am-midnight. Free specialist counselling may also be available near you. So do consider your own support needs and perhaps then you would also be in a better position to decide what you want and how you are best placed to support your partner.
I wish you all the best
Laura
If he were serious about quitting he'd already be getting help surely? It sounds like he's just trying to pull on your heart strings. Look after your 4 little ones. They are better off not being around an active gambler & you're better off without the lies & being stolen from.
I really feel for you what a sad situation to be in. What a hard decision to make, we all want to think the best of our loved ones and hope they can change, we don't want to turn our backs on them but there is only so much a person can take. You have been very loyal and understanding for four years. It would be hard to turn your back on someone you love, have you any family members or close friends you can confide in for support.
Hi, WCID,
Can you start your own thread, tell us what's happened? No magic pills on offer but plenty of support. Use "New Topic" at the bottom of the Friends & Family page.
BW,
CW
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