Discovered 19 yr old son, who lives at home with me and dad, gambles. £2K over two months - he works full time. Came to light last week. Card is stopped through bank and registered as banned for year. I am less naive than my partner; I understand my son can get round these deterrents! For example, tonight he phoned home and asked his dad to transfer him £100 from his own (sons) savings! Dad went to do it!!!! No questions! Only I was there and asked what he thought he was doing?! I thought it to be obvious such as asking, why the hell do you need £100 at 11pm in the pub when you’re out with two friends! I was thinking perhaps he was likely going to pay his friend to put a bet on? Dad and I ended up arguing. Dad argued that son ‘just needs some money from his savings as he is out for a drink’. I argued it was an in proportionate amount and quite obvious to me what the temptation would be. Dad says as it’s his money (savings) and he has to give it him otherwise he’ll leave home and ‘it will be your fault’. Dad ended up transferring £40 - he says - and stormed off to bed stonewalling me in the usual manner. We’re only a week into this. I want to leave but cannot even contemplate with my son clearly having this addiction.
A week in and we’re not on the same planet. Son’s gambling weakness is sports and Dad has gone and booked a football match trip with him! Is he mad or in denial?? I have registered with support - such as this - but he has not spoken to anyone as his father. He seems to act that as he had sat with him earlier in the week and seen the card is locked then that’s it - job done!
Partner does not gamble but football is his obsession and therefore a constant conversation source in the house. I utterly dislike it and now despise it. What to do, thank you.
Hi
Thank you for your sharing and honesty.
The more you can do to help your son is to be encouraging and nurturing.
The addictions indicate that a person has certain emotional triggers.
Anger just indicates pains fear and frsutrations.
It would help for you both to be encouraging towards him getting to recovery meetings as often as possible.
Let him know that you will be there to help him any time but not about money lost.
In time I handed over my money and finances to my wife and she did a good job of it.
I handed over my money and finances reluctantly feeling like I was being punished like anaughty school child.
In time by attending lots of meetings I was able to trust my self with cash on my person.
In time by attending lots of meetings I was able to exchange m unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Like many people I did not stop gambling from day one.
I lost count of times I went in and out of recovery.
For me now I understand the recovery program was about learning to abstain from all unhealthy habits.
For me now I understand the recovery program was about healing my pains and emotional truama.
I got to understand my emotional triggers were.
Pains I could not heal.
Fears I could not face or reduce.
Frustrations due to my unreeasonable expectations of people life and situations.
Loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.
Boredom due to my unhealthy habits of procrastinating and not using my time in healthy productive ways.
By finding a healthy meeting that helped me excpose more of my self and what my emotional triggers were.
Walking in to the recovery program I did not fully understand how unhealthy I was.
Walking in to the recovery program I did not fully understand how emotionally vulnerable I was.
I am a non religious person, yet I have become a much healthier spiritual person.
The like minded people in the recovery program with the healthy deep seated therapies helped me reduce my fears and my trust grew.
In time the therapies help me embrace healthy emotional intimacy with my self and then with other people.
Often people will swap over to another addiction to escape in their fears.
On doing a list of my fears I was very surprised how much my fears disabled me from healthy living and healthy realtionships.
Let your son that you will BOTH be there to support him in his recovery and take him to meetings.
There is gamanon meetings for people who want to give healthy support to the people they love and care for.
It is very important to understand that a healthy recovery meetings saves many people lives.
Thank you again.
Love peace healing and sernity to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
If someone wants to play with their own money - I don't see a problem with that. If a person earns his own money, supports himself, pays for his housing - then let him have fun as he wants.
But if he's not playing with his own money, then that's a problem. Why give money for gambling or drinking in a bar? Let him earn it and spend it. If there's anything left to spend after all his bills are paid.
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