Been 4 years since my husband's relapse, i found out 1 year ago and it has just been chaos since then. It was the first time it happened during our narriage so it feel as if my marriage ended 4 years ago because i cannot recognise the person i am with.Â
I have been strong for most of it. There has been multiple relapses within this year amounting to huge amounts of debts. I cringe just thinking about it.I seldom think let alone talk about all the damage done because im trying to stay positive and look ahead, however iv realised that carry all this with me will definitely hinder my progress.Â
Iv only recently decided to put some focus on myself because my cup is empty, its shattered to be honest, but i still pour, i have to pour because when my husband steps out i have to be both parents to my 2 young kids. It just been draining the lofe out of me. Im trying to be present for my kids but my mind just drifts off. Iv become so accustomed to always worrying about where he is, what he's doing, everytime his name appears on my phone i go into a state of anxiety.Â
Im at a stage where the minute i have money i spend it ,i want to get rid of it because i know he will hassle me for it, the lies and stories made up to get hold of money , its just out of this world.Â
We are currently working towards recovery after losing our home, car, and most family (i guess they've had enough of him) . Once again with a mountain of debt.Â
I feel so lost and scared. We have been here many times. Im trying to be positive but the minute something doesn't add up my mind starts to overthink. Im trying to be there for him while trying to protect my sanity and its just not working. I cant find the balance because when i step back from him everything spirals out of control . It feels as if i have to keep everything together while falling apart
I dont feel like a wife, i feel like a facilitator, a very tired and under skilled one.
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Layla, I've read your post twice now and it breaks my heart. I am a wife and a recovering gambler.Â
I can't offer any constructive advice because my soul weeps for you. What I will tell you is that your husband won't stop until he wants to. You've lost your home and family and that is already too much! Please don't loose yourself too!
Sometimes you just have to decide to step back from a situation to be fully able to see it - thats what I would recommend. Step back and walk a bit further away. You may love your husband and he may love you but he is so deep in this addiction that its his priority.Â
You need to look out for you and your children, you don't need to parent a fully grown man too. He is responsible for his actions and you should have have to bear the weight that you have, for him.
Tell him he needs help, that if you're willing, that you will be there when he's better and taken responsibility but that at present you have no capacity. You're stress, overwhelmed and broken. Its time to start focusing on you.Â
I wish you all the best.
Clover.
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I hear you, and what you’re going through is incredibly heavy. It’s understandable to feel exhausted and overwhelmed while trying to hold everything together. Focusing on your own healing and boundaries is not selfish—it’s necessary, especially for your well-being and your kids. Seeking <a href=" removed link " target="_blank" rel="noopener">support for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, can help you regain strength and clarity. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your mental health even while supporting your family.
@sj6mi7e8hx thank you so much. Truly appreciate the response
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