Where to go from here ??

Continued ( told you it was a long one ) we got back on track with my hating his brother... But I got on with it , then he had a charge card from work .. Cue another 5k that he couldn't pay back again all on gambling , lies after lies during this time , PayPal taking out money out of bank account and he told me it was for a Xmas pressie and they made a mistake duplicating it lots .. Borrowed money off his work mates , only found this out when I looked through his phone , I shouldn't be having to do this stuff , I have his email address and would check there ( he didn't know ) but I would see online gambling sites and deposits made , he eventfully went to GA with me insisting it was that or me ( I now know that never works ) then back to the same pattern Of gambling , lying .. It's been constant .. I thought we were turning a corner with the pregnancy of my little girl.. He went and got help because he wanted to stop this , he really is worth so much more than he ... He sounds back on paper but I know it's this evil awful addiction, he is the best person ever that's why I can't give up on him he is so much more than this !! So he's been getting help.. With each time he's messed up again, it's resulted into arguments with me someone being a contributing factor .. He's told me time and time again I need help ... Coz I would get so angry each time and smash stuff up , hurt myself out or pure frustration and was relentless about arguing about it ... I couldn't let it lay... Ever ... So to try and help him Iv got counselling .. It's is helping me no end... But it's also making me see the true extent to this.. I have worked out in the year my precious baby girl has been with us that he has done 10k .. The latest was a credit card I had for emergencies in his name .. It was in my purse.. He must have screen shotted the number and done it ... He was debt free at the beginning of Feb17 ( baby month ) through inheritsnce , car got paid off .. We were in a good place ... I have redundancy ( he has been told there is no way he will have any of this and he is aware of that )! After Feb.. So about April may time ( after going to Vegas .. He told me he would get it out of his system for good .. I was so naive and stupid to allow the trip and 4K he took ) he then wracked up about another 4K via a secret bank account ( I do better research than the fbi ) and found it linked up to drafty accounts .. This was the money paid off via inheritsnce .. He then done it again about 3 months after .. Another 4 k.. Got his rich mate to cover it via a loan... So an extra outgoing after us being debt free .. Now the lastest is the 2k on credit card .. He admitted it to me after listening in on my phone call with my counsellor telling my counsellor how happy I was with him that he seems to be beating .. This was what beat him up inside and made him come clean to me

And so here I am... Ranting on a site .. I don't know what to do anymore .. Iv tried ... I really have ... But it's killing me having to deal with this... I feel like he's taken away precious moments with my baby girl through the stress.. I love him so much ... But can I save him ? He's now gone offshore ... I told him not to call not to text , we had words before he left ... Where I said he was manipulative as he always puts me down as a factor as to why he was stressed and done it ... I feel beat up by it all... He told me he wants to beat it .. He will keep trying to beat but he admitted he may not be able to beat it ... And I need to make the decision now as to whether to stay with him.... I can't bear the though of leaving him in a mess ... I love him so much and only want the best for him... He's worth so much more than this ... My kids are worth so much more , they deserve a home we own .. They deserve holidays .. We are on good money , we should be able to provide that so it breaks my heart to see it all flushed away , he says he does it to help the stress of money , I have told him I would rather burn it then have a penny of they dirty money for my kids , a house ... Like what the hell do I do ?? Right now I don't have a clue , I feel so lost , worthless , beaten by this evil addiction

Hi holhol I don't really know what to say. It looks like you are learning by very big mistakes. A compulsive gambler is a compulsive liar. They spend their time thinking of gambling, covering their tracks and how to get more loans. Their brains are rewired! Going to vegas thats an interesting ploy! You cannot let an active gambler have access to money, especially yours. Go back to basics. No bailouts, no ultimatums, no arguing. No secrets. Don't get loans out for him. The more you help the more he can borrow. Basic bank account if he works away. Remember this is a choice. He chooses to gamble. He will only stop when he wants to. You have a choice. I would go to a gamanon meeting. His blaming you is classic manipulation, an excuse. It's not your fault but you must stop helping him. Now it's your choice. Do you want to be in this position? Of course not. You have to change what you are doing. You cannot trust him. You cannot stop him. He has to actively seek help, show you all finances, allow credit reports. This is forever, never cured, only arrested. Get support, learn how to deal with a cg. Ask lots of questions here.

Hello Holhol85

It sounds like a challenging time for you right now, and you have some decisions to make. Its understandable that you are feeling confused with everything at the moment when you're still feeling so much love for your partner.

You might find if helpful to speak to one of our counsellors, we offer a free service in a location of your choice. You can use this link to help http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/free-counselling or you can use the freephone helpline 0808 8020 133 to speak to an adviser who can do a referral for you to see someone. Hope this helps

kind regards

Cade

Forum admin

Hi.. Thanks merry go round .. The loans and bail outs where the first 2 years.. Iv since learnt not to do this , which is why I have my redundancy money and it will stay mine... He wanted to " borrow it" to pay back stuff .. But Iv told him it will never happen .. It's my security for my girls and Iv gave up a good job for that security , I honestly thought when he went to Vegas he was over it , silly I know , it was for his best mates stag due and I felt sorry for him .. So he went ... We haven't spoke since he went away, he does this licks his wounds... Realisation has hit me hard today , do I even know him ? The lies is what I struggle with ... I am so transparent .. I dislike people who lie .. I can't handle why someone who loves me would want to lie all the time, I don't know I really don't .. Everything has gone to c**P... I think I want to be alone , the only thing that stops me is him going off the rails , or falling in love with someone else ... Sounds silly but it would kill me seeing him move on or fall apart xx.

Thank you Cade , I am already having sessions with a counsellor via this service , it's telephone sessions which are helpful ... But I'm still so confused , would like a magic ball to tell me what to do ... I'm juggling so many plates with the girls , my job, my college course and this .. I feel they will all come crashing soon

Hi HolHol,

Thank you for posting your very honest and detailed experience of a relationship with a compulsive gambler.

Please have a read around this forum and also in the Friends & Family section

“Just found out my husband has had a secret gambling addiction for 2 years“

I’ve posted a few replies i here that I wish you to read. If you have questions please ask in your thread and I will try answer them best to my knowledge.

All the best Shep.