A well trodden path

Hi All,

I have been addicted to gambling for about 15 years.

It started playing slot machines when I was 15/16 and it has warped into an array of other games, mainly online and live poker as well as blackjack.

I have had numerous problems throughout my entire adult life related to gambling.

I have been to GA numerous times but usually stop going once my gambling subsides. Then after some length of time I will return to it and it will be the same awful routine of wins and losses, instability and depression.

I started a new career and was quite immersed in my new job and was not gambling. After maybe 6 months in the job I started to gamble just on Sundays "when I wasnt doing anything anyway". I began to lie to family and friends about it but it was not too catastrophic, a family member was looking after my money and I was only losing nominal amounts.

Then I was made redundant and rather than my wages going to my family members bank acc I was sent a cheque in my name for the redundancy pay. The money was enough to tide me over for a couple of months while I looked for a new job. I insisted to my family member minding my money previously that I would be responsible with it.

I was applying for jobs and did not have much success. I then began to gamble and apply for jobs simultaneously. Then I just gave up and gambled the entire time. I lied to everyone who asked about applying for jobs, claiming I had been discussing opportunities with recruiters etc and that things were just slow. In reality I was in the worst gambling spiral of my life, huge wins and losses, stopped exercising, stopped eating regularly, began drinking hard and taking a lot of drugs.

I am responsible for paying household bills and I have now gambled a months rent (not just my own but a number of other peoples too) and have zero money.

I am struggling to speak about it with anyone as I am just so overwhelmed and depressed. I have no idea what to do, I can ask family to help but I loathe myself for being a constant burden on them and am concerned that getting bailed out is not helpful, although having stolen from people I know, making us all homeless seems a worse option.

I have read a lot about addicition in general and one thing I intend to do is to develop more positive pursuits and interests, I hope that if I can occupy my spare time with positive pursuits that I will be less tempted to gamble. Although currently I worry that it is only because I have nothing to gamble that I think this.

Thanks for reading.